How to stop overthinking your relationship?

I have no reason to believe my boyfriend would cheat. I’ve never been cheated on before either. But my friends often get ****ed over a lot so I’m weary . My boyfriend and I met on tinder ( yes not the best place) but we’ve been together for six months now and he treats me WELL. I’m just worried that when we don’t talk he will re download tinder or that he’s snap chatting girls. Sometime he’s active on sc a lot and I worry he’s talking to a girl. He’s probably just talking to his friends but I didn’t think boys sent snapchats to each other like girls did. The other day we had an argument and both needed some space so I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days but it didn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t message asking if I was ok so I thought he might be talking to a girl on the side? This is all in my head and I’ve told him my feelings about this and he says he doesn’t have the time to talk to anyone else even if he wanted to cos of work etc which is TRUE but I’m just so paranoid and overthink. What if I overcome the paranoia but then find out he did cheat on me..I would look like a mug. I just don’t want to look like a mug . Some constructive advice would be appreciated. I’m not crazy, I jut seriously overthink and worry

Reply 1

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Anonymous

I have no reason to believe my boyfriend would cheat. I’ve never been cheated on before either. But my friends often get ****ed over a lot so I’m weary . My boyfriend and I met on tinder ( yes not the best place) but we’ve been together for six months now and he treats me WELL. I’m just worried that when we don’t talk he will re download tinder or that he’s snap chatting girls. Sometime he’s active on sc a lot and I worry he’s talking to a girl. He’s probably just talking to his friends but I didn’t think boys sent snapchats to each other like girls did. The other day we had an argument and both needed some space so I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days but it didn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t message asking if I was ok so I thought he might be talking to a girl on the side? This is all in my head and I’ve told him my feelings about this and he says he doesn’t have the time to talk to anyone else even if he wanted to cos of work etc which is TRUE but I’m just so paranoid and overthink. What if I overcome the paranoia but then find out he did cheat on me..I would look like a mug. I just don’t want to look like a mug . Some constructive advice would be appreciated. I’m not crazy, I jut seriously overthink and worry

Stop focusing on the what ifs. Look at what you do have - a kind caring boyfriend who is only interested in you and has never shown interest in anyone else. That's awesome so don't ruin that.

Reply 2

Jono*

18

Did you message him asking if he was ok? Mabye you should have and not him seeing as you are the one who cut off contact not him. From a guys point of view, if I had a girlfriend and I was very good to her and she kept accusing me of cheating and kept being suspicious of me for no reason, it would upset me and I would probably end the relationship as I would know that despite everything she obviously doesn't trust me which is one of the biggest parts of a relationship, it's toxic without it.

So unless you have a real and valid reason to be suspicious you should apologise to him for acting up before he ends it, if you actually want to be in a relationship with this guy.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I have no reason to believe my boyfriend would cheat. I’ve never been cheated on before either. But my friends often get ****ed over a lot so I’m weary . My boyfriend and I met on tinder ( yes not the best place) but we’ve been together for six months now and he treats me WELL. I’m just worried that when we don’t talk he will re download tinder or that he’s snap chatting girls. Sometime he’s active on sc a lot and I worry he’s talking to a girl. He’s probably just talking to his friends but I didn’t think boys sent snapchats to each other like girls did. The other day we had an argument and both needed some space so I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days but it didn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t message asking if I was ok so I thought he might be talking to a girl on the side? This is all in my head and I’ve told him my feelings about this and he says he doesn’t have the time to talk to anyone else even if he wanted to cos of work etc which is TRUE but I’m just so paranoid and overthink. What if I overcome the paranoia but then find out he did cheat on me..I would look like a mug. I just don’t want to look like a mug . Some constructive advice would be appreciated. I’m not crazy, I jut seriously overthink and worry

You have to be realistic and try not to look too much into things. I am a massive overthinker and in my case I cause myself lots of stress worrying about things that aren’t even happening! Just remember to think rationally I know it’s hard but I have seen relationships and even marriages go down the swanny because one of them hasn’t been able to trust the other when there hasn’t ever been any real reasons or evidence of why not to trust that person. If you can’t trust that person then the relationship isn’t going to work, be kind to yourself x

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jono*

Did you message him asking if he was ok? Mabye you should have and not him seeing as you are the one who cut off contact not him. From a guys point of view, if I had a girlfriend and I was very good to her and she kept accusing me of cheating and kept being suspicious of me for no reason, it would upset me and I would probably end the relationship as I would know that despite everything she obviously doesn't trust me which is one of the biggest parts of a relationship, it's toxic without it.

So unless you have a real and valid reason to be suspicious you should apologise to him for acting up before he ends it, if you actually want to be in a relationship with this guy.

Thank you! It’s nice to see it from a guys perspective and I understand how having no trust is very toxic! I’m going to take this advice so thank you!

Reply 5

Elastichedgehog

20

Original post by Anonymous

I have no reason to believe my boyfriend would cheat. I’ve never been cheated on before either. But my friends often get ****ed over a lot so I’m weary . My boyfriend and I met on tinder ( yes not the best place) but we’ve been together for six months now and he treats me WELL. I’m just worried that when we don’t talk he will re download tinder or that he’s snap chatting girls. Sometime he’s active on sc a lot and I worry he’s talking to a girl. He’s probably just talking to his friends but I didn’t think boys sent snapchats to each other like girls did. The other day we had an argument and both needed some space so I didn’t talk to him for a couple of days but it didn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t message asking if I was ok so I thought he might be talking to a girl on the side? This is all in my head and I’ve told him my feelings about this and he says he doesn’t have the time to talk to anyone else even if he wanted to cos of work etc which is TRUE but I’m just so paranoid and overthink. What if I overcome the paranoia but then find out he did cheat on me..I would look like a mug. I just don’t want to look like a mug . Some constructive advice would be appreciated. I’m not crazy, I jut seriously overthink and worry

Yeah a low self esteem does that in a lot of cases.

I think you kind of have to work on putting into perspective for yourself. Why waste time worrying about that instead of actually enjoying your relationship. You should definitely talk about insecurities but it can get to a point where it manifests into something that's unhealthy. Is stressing about the idea that he might be cheating on you (when in actuality he isn't) worth the potentiality of him actually ending the relationship because your insecurities manifest into arguments all the time.

I've been there don't get me wrong, and in retrospect what I was worried about was so silly. If it really does have negative implications on your mental health and relationship maybe you should seek out a counselor. You're clearly quite anxious about this, and those kinds of insecurities are like a bad habit, it can be quite hard to get over and it's ultimately unfair on the other person.

Best of luck :h:

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 6

Jono*

18

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you! It’s nice to see it from a guys perspective and I understand how having no trust is very toxic! I’m going to take this advice so thank you!

You welcome, good luck

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Tell him to delete his tinder i gave a feeling he didn't and you should set up a date where you can tell all your problems and i mean everything and he should allow you talk without interrupting then he can be allowed his moment to say how he feels and get any problem out there in the open this allows him to feel less irritable and in a calm and relaxed state were your conversation will likely take a more positive route

How to stop overthinking your relationship?

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