The Student Room Group

Can you recover from a bad first year of college?

This is about my brother. He just doesn't care. Like, at all. He's doing 3 subjects, one english, one science, and one art. It's all over the place because he doesn't know what he wants to do in the long run. He's talking about getting rid of one and I thought he meant switching it for something else (3 weeks into the year and a week after the unofficial "subject switching deadline") but he's told me that what he actually means is he wants to drop a subject and do 2 a levels (the college wants a minimum of 3).
He has like 70% attendance, not due to illness, but due to me telling him when he needed to leave in order to be on time (I have made this 40 minute journey for the last 2 years and he has never made it before this September) and him saying "I don't need to leave that early I'll wait until I have 20 minutes before the lesson because it only takes 10 to get there" and hanging around for another half an hour, and being late and not going in because he didn't want to walk in after everyone else.
Just today he had a meeting with his tutor to discuss what the tutor called "your lack of attendance and other issues raised" and it was at 11 and at half 10 he said that he had to take a shower before he went in. It is not 5 to 12. He is still here.
He just doesn't care. IDK if there's some deeper issues going on here but he won't take any help or listen to any advice. He certainly won't talk to any of us (me, mum, dad or our other brother). He just seems content to not do any work outside of class, try to drop courses, skip tutor and lessons. It's like he's given up, and he's not even a full 3 weeks in.
If he keeps this up for another few months or even the rest of the year, can he recover?
Original post by Anonymous
This is about my brother. He just doesn't care. Like, at all. He's doing 3 subjects, one english, one science, and one art. It's all over the place because he doesn't know what he wants to do in the long run. He's talking about getting rid of one and I thought he meant switching it for something else (3 weeks into the year and a week after the unofficial "subject switching deadline":wink: but he's told me that what he actually means is he wants to drop a subject and do 2 a levels (the college wants a minimum of 3).
He has like 70% attendance, not due to illness, but due to me telling him when he needed to leave in order to be on time (I have made this 40 minute journey for the last 2 years and he has never made it before this September) and him saying "I don't need to leave that early I'll wait until I have 20 minutes before the lesson because it only takes 10 to get there" and hanging around for another half an hour, and being late and not going in because he didn't want to walk in after everyone else.
Just today he had a meeting with his tutor to discuss what the tutor called "your lack of attendance and other issues raised" and it was at 11 and at half 10 he said that he had to take a shower before he went in. It is not 5 to 12. He is still here.
He just doesn't care. IDK if there's some deeper issues going on here but he won't take any help or listen to any advice. He certainly won't talk to any of us (me, mum, dad or our other brother). He just seems content to not do any work outside of class, try to drop courses, skip tutor and lessons. It's like he's given up, and he's not even a full 3 weeks in.
If he keeps this up for another few months or even the rest of the year, can he recover?


What were his mock results like?
It sounds as if he goes on the way he is then he is likely to be kicked out or fail in any event.

He needs to grow up and stat realising what an opportunity post 16 education is and how it can affect his future. If he ever wants to o to uni it is based on results. It will cost him thousands and take years to repair the damage in future.

If he isnt bothered then maybe he should do an apprenticeship?

Two A levels isnt really sufficient if he wishes to go to uni, but some lower unis might take him. You really need three.

I would say deeper issues and maybe he needs a therapist,careers, school counselor or social worker. is he being bullied? At the moment he is throwing it away.

I would be suggesting redoing year 12 or if college inst right and a nearer one isnt available, then find an apprenticeship or change qualifications. Sounds unlikely he will recover.
Reply 2
Original post by 999tigger
What were his mock results like?
It sounds as if he goes on the way he is then he is likely to be kicked out or fail in any event.

He needs to grow up and stat realising what an opportunity post 16 education is and how it can affect his future. If he ever wants to o to uni it is based on results. It will cost him thousands and take years to repair the damage in future.

If he isnt bothered then maybe he should do an apprenticeship?

Two A levels isnt really sufficient if he wishes to go to uni, but some lower unis might take him. You really need three.

I would say deeper issues and maybe he needs a therapist,careers, school counselor or social worker. is he being bullied? At the moment he is throwing it away.

I would be suggesting redoing year 12 or if college inst right and a nearer one isnt available, then find an apprenticeship or change qualifications. Sounds unlikely he will recover.


His GCSEs were a mixed bag. He got Bs and Cs in english and maths and B, D and E in science. He doesn't know if he wants to go to uni or do anything with these A Levels, but he doesn't want to do an apprenticeship either because he doesn't know what kind he'd want to do. Both mum and dad are therapists and I think in the meeting he should have gone to today he would have been offered counselling, as that's the protocol usually. He's not being bullied. He's super popular, has tonnes of friends, and is ind of intimidating as a person. I've seen him interact with other people from college and he gets on well with everyone, and on parent portal teachers can post about his behaviour and interactions with students and they usually seem to all say "he gets on well with everyone except teachers and he'd be a great student if he actually bothered to do the work"
Original post by Anonymous
His GCSEs were a mixed bag. He got Bs and Cs in english and maths and B, D and E in science. He doesn't know if he wants to go to uni or do anything with these A Levels, but he doesn't want to do an apprenticeship either because he doesn't know what kind he'd want to do. Both mum and dad are therapists and I think in the meeting he should have gone to today he would have been offered counselling, as that's the protocol usually. He's not being bullied. He's super popular, has tonnes of friends, and is ind of intimidating as a person. I've seen him interact with other people from college and he gets on well with everyone, and on parent portal teachers can post about his behaviour and interactions with students and they usually seem to all say "he gets on well with everyone except teachers and he'd be a great student if he actually bothered to do the work"


Then it seems like he is being a lazy idiot that is squandering his opportunity. Sometimes you have to learn from your mistakes. Up to him to take responsibility for his own life and if not then he will realise how many options he has shut himself off from when he flunks.

The point of working hard is to give yourself options so he can choose if and when he wants to go to uni.

Hopefully you are smarter than he is.
Stop trying to help him and telling him when to leave. He quite clearly knows how long it takes to get there now, and he's old enough to do his own thing. You're not his parent, it's not down to you to baby him.

It's awful to watch, but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes.
Reply 5
Original post by 999tigger
Then it seems like he is being a lazy idiot that is squandering his opportunity. Sometimes you have to learn from your mistakes. Up to him to take responsibility for his own life and if not then he will realise how many options he has shut himself off from when he flunks.

The point of working hard is to give yourself options so he can choose if and when he wants to go to uni.

Hopefully you are smarter than he is.


I got all As at a levels, but Matt is waaay smarter than me and did better at GCSEs. He could get all A*s if he just tried, but he's 3 weeks into college and has already decided that he doesn't want an overlap. He wants to only deal with college stuff at college. I've been through this process he's starting right now as I had low attendance and behavioural problems at the start of college but I was diagnosed with chronic migraines and ADHD so I have an excuse. Mum got my brothers tested when I was diagnosed and Matt definitely does not have either. I don't think he wants to go to uni but that's why I want him to succeed at college so badly, because this might be the last opportunity he gives himself to get any qualifications. It was the same this summer, when he was applying for jobs. He wanted a job but didn't want to apply for any, got someone else to build him a CV, and wouldn't interview for anything, leaving his hopes on jobs to his friends who already had jobs and could put in a good word for him.

Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
Stop trying to help him and telling him when to leave. He quite clearly knows how long it takes to get there now, and he's old enough to do his own thing. You're not his parent, it's not down to you to baby him.

It's awful to watch, but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes.


Just now I told him in order to meet with the teacher he was meant to have a meeting with 2 hours ago before lunch, he had to leave now, and he went off at me telling me to stop butting in and leave him alone and I said fine so he really is on his own now.
Reply 6
It is 11:02. He has a class at 11:45. He is planning to leave at 11:20. He will not be there until noon.
He was assigned a simple 500 word article on Tuesday the 18th of September. It was due on the 25th of September. Today is the 1st of October. He hasn't even begun the essay, and instead of writing it now, he has decided he needs to take a third shower in the last 24 hours.

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