Due to mental health difficulties I have delayed going to uni - is this shameful?

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I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

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SoulfulTwist

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Not in the slightest bit shameful tbh

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rac1977

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I don't think it is in the slightest bit shameful - I was 37 when I went to uni

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nabilahhh

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Not at alll

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BetaZeta

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

No, it's not shameful at all. You'll find there's a number of people starting university around your age (and loads starting way later than you) so there's nothing to worry about. Don't feel ashamed for having struggles and issues to deal with. Be proud that, in spite of all these issues, you've been able to come through the other side and have the opportunity to go to university. It says a lot about you that you never gave up - which I'm sure people will admire once they find out.

I don't think random people will want to know the ins and outs of what you've been up to for the past 5 years, only friends will. And if the people you try to make friends with have a huge issue with what you've been doing, they were never worth being friends with in the first place. If you don't really want to give personal details away to people who ask you what you've been up to for the past 5 years, you could always say you just worked and "had other things going on." Most people won't pry and will hopefully be more interested in you as a person, rather than what you've been doing.

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schnauz

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

I’m in the same boat. Same age too. And no - I think we should be proud we made it to uni, and especially as it has been harder for us to get where we are than it has for most people. But we did it. You’ve gotten this far; don’t look back now x

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Leviathan1741

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

It's not shameful at all, it's important to put your well-being before your education. People shouldn't judge you for it, plus there are bound to be other students your age and older. One of the guys in my class started uni at 24 I think, he's 27 now and in third year

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by BetaZeta)
No, it's not shameful at all. You'll find there's a number of people starting university around your age (and loads starting way later than you) so there's nothing to worry about. Don't feel ashamed for having struggles and issues to deal with. Be proud that, in spite of all these issues, you've been able to come through the other side and have the opportunity to go to university. It says a lot about you that you never gave up - which I'm sure people will admire once they find out.

I don't think random people will want to know the ins and outs of what you've been up to for the past 5 years, only friends will. And if the people you try to make friends with have a huge issue with what you've been doing, they were never worth being friends with in the first place. If you don't really want to give personal details away to people who ask you what you've been up to for the past 5 years, you could always say you just worked and "had other things going on." Most people won't pry and will hopefully be more interested in you as a person, rather than what you've been doing.

Thank you so much!

That is very reassuring and has put me at ease. I guess the only other thing is I'm slightly worried about the age of the people i'll be starting uni with. So I know I'll be a mature student, and I find it slightly upsetting that I won't be around people my age. And I don't want freshers to be awkward.

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FloralHybrid

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

God no! 23 is still young. It’s nobody else’s business why you delayed uni for a bit. Your mental health comes first.

Tagging Seamus123 who can you reassure OP that people any age can successfully go into higher education.

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by schnauz)
I’m in the same boat. Same age too. And no - I think we should be proud we made it to uni, and especially as it has been harder for us to get where we are than it has for most people. But we did it. You’ve gotten this far; don’t look back now x

I'm sorry you have faced challenges but I'm glad you're on the right track now. I haven't quite made it yet! It'll be dependent on many things. But here is the chance that I could start this year

I'm proud of you though! And I wish you all the best with uni.

But thank you so much. Thanks for crediting me for applying and making the effort

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Acsel

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

No. Nothing about mental health is shameful. Nothing about getting a degree at 23 is shameful. I'm working with people who are in their 30s and 40s and are now studying for degrees.

If you don't want to answer, you don't have to. You're free to say "I'd rather not talk about it" if anyone asks what you've been up to. Don't feel obligated to hide it, most people are quite accepting. But people probably won't care and unless you tell them they may not even know you're 5 years older. I want to uni at 21 and nobody cared or realised, and 23 isn't that far off. Employers and the uni themselves may wonder why you had a gap, which is fair, but you're not obligated to share details with anyone you don't want to.

Whatever problems you may be having, they don't make you any less of a person.

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by Leviathan1741)
It's not shameful at all, it's important to put your well-being before your education. People shouldn't judge you for it, plus there are bound to be other students your age and older. One of the guys in my class started uni at 24 I think, he's 27 now and in third year

Thanks a lot. I just find it hard to explain my situation sometimes. A girl I was recently working with said to me 'what have you been doing' when I said I haven't been to uni or got a drivers licence and it got me thinking argh I really haven't achieved much. She wasn't nasty about it, she was actually a nice colleague.

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by FloralHybrid)
God no! 23 is still young. It’s nobody else’s business why you delayed uni for a bit. Your mental health comes first.

Tagging Seamus123 who can you reassure OP that people any age can successfully go into higher education.

Thank you. And thank you to everyone else who is giving me reassuring advice on this thread!

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deepXflange

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i don't know you personally but i can tell you have confidence issues. i'll be 23 this year and will be off to uni this year and i couldn't be more excited. i wasn't ready when i was younger and there's gonna be people A LOT older than you doing their first degree too. if people ask you what you've been doing, tell them the truth....or just lie and say you've been working because I can guarantee they're not gonna care either way. big yourself up and you'll be fine

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Claire461

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll be 23 by the time I start uni if all goes to plan and I get the grades this year. Even then I'm still not sure if i'll go because I don't think I stand a good chance. But anyway, is it in any way shameful that I am going to uni at such a late age? It's not like I've had a child or anything, just had my own issues and struggles to deal with. I feel like when I do go people will me what I've been doing for the past 5 years and I have no clue how to answer that...

I graduated in the summer at 70. In my class, there were 18 year olds, some in their early 20’s, 30year olds with children. My 7 children had all grown up and I decided it was my time and it was the right time for me. Things happen to people in life and life plans sometimes go wrong and it can be disappointing when that happens. There is absolutely no shame in that.
Trust me, no one will ask you the questions you are worried about. At uni, no one cares how old you are because it’s not that unusual these days.
Keep your plan to go to uni on track. You will get there for sure, I wish you all you wish for yourself.

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CoolCavy

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Nope

age really doesn't factor into uni at all
I think it's a very mature self aware decision tbh

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by deepXflange)
i don't know you personally but i can tell you have confidence issues. i'll be 23 this year and will be off to uni this year and i couldn't be more excited. i wasn't ready when i was younger and there's gonna be people A LOT older than you doing their first degree too. if people ask you what you've been doing, tell them the truth....or just lie and say you've been working because I can guarantee they're not gonna care either way. big yourself up and you'll be fine

I'm happy for you!

Its great that you're excited about it. Hm, I think i'll be ok in terms of what to say to people. And I guess I do have confidence issues. I think it's because of how people in my extended family have spoken about me and my mental health issues. They've spoken about the fact that I struggled with my education and gossiped about me you see. And then my sister has told me in the past that people are always asking her what I'm doing and wondering why I haven't gone to uni yet.

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Anonymous #1

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(Original post by Seamus123)
I graduated in the summer at 70. In my class, there were 18 year olds, some in their early 20’s, 30year olds with children. My 7 children had all grown up and I decided it was my time and it was the right time for me. Things happen to people in life and life plans sometimes go wrong and it can be disappointing when that happens. There is absolutely no shame in that.
Trust me, no one will ask you the questions you are worried about. At uni, no one cares how old you are because it’s not that unusual these days.
Keep your plan to go to uni on track. You will get there for sure, I wish you all you wish for yourself.

Thank you ever so much. I hope you got the most out your uni experience and I wish you all the best of success. You are very inspiring and I really appreciate your response.

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Claire461

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm happy for you!

Its great that you're excited about it. Hm, I think i'll be ok in terms of what to say to people. And I guess I do have confidence issues. I think it's because of how people in my extended family have spoken about me and my mental health issues. They've spoken about the fact that I struggled with my education and gossiped about me you see. And then my sister has told me in the past that people are always asking her what I'm doing and wondering why I haven't gone to uni yet.

Never try to live up to the expectations of others.

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deepXflange

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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm happy for you!

Its great that you're excited about it. Hm, I think i'll be ok in terms of what to say to people. And I guess I do have confidence issues. I think it's because of how people in my extended family have spoken about me and my mental health issues. They've spoken about the fact that I struggled with my education and gossiped about me you see. And then my sister has told me in the past that people are always asking her what I'm doing and wondering why I haven't gone to uni yet.

thanks. I can relate in feeling a sense of urgency to "do well" but it's unnecessary pressure you don't need and certainly won't help with your mental health. never mind about family gossip. they'll soon shut up when you graduate

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