I broke up with him

I don't know what to do. I broke up with him last night. Nothing really happened, I was thinking about ending it for months since I wasn't really happy with being with him anymore. The main reason I feel horrible is because of the guilt and I know how upset he is. I just feel so bad because he wasn't expecting it at all. I told him I need to get away from him for a while because talking to him wouldn't be a good idea as of now, but we agreed to being friends later on. We go to the same sixth form, our A levels are in a couple months time and it's just horrendous timing because I feel so demotivated and upset that I can't even revise. The guilt is really getting to me and he keeps persuading me to take him back but I really don't want to get back together with him whether it be now or in the future. We are practically best friends, but I ruined that. I feel horrible for lying to him how I'll never lose feelings for him or I will never leave him but I did just that. This is both our first relationship and we were together for over a year. How do I get rid of this guilt, he says he still has high hopes for us even thought I told him it won't happen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :frown:

Reply 1

ThatOldGuy

19

Being the dumper is hard. Your first instinct is going to be to continue being friends with him.

Don't. That will only make it harder. Cut off all contact.

You will want to restore contact.

Don't.

You will think you are being cruel by doing this. He will get upset. You will want to be nice to him.

Be polite but do not try to be friends with him. If you do, he will continue to think there's a chance.

Reply 2

londonmyst

19

You can't be best friends with someone who wants more than friendship, when you don't.
Give him time and space to find someone else who does want a relationship with him.
He may ask why you don't want to be anything more than friends, tell him the truth and be brutally honest.
That way he can move on faster and so can you.

Reply 3

JackMac2904

16

Original post by Anonymous

I don't know what to do. I broke up with him last night. Nothing really happened, I was thinking about ending it for months since I wasn't really happy with being with him anymore. The main reason I feel horrible is because of the guilt and I know how upset he is. I just feel so bad because he wasn't expecting it at all. I told him I need to get away from him for a while because talking to him wouldn't be a good idea as of now, but we agreed to being friends later on. We go to the same sixth form, our A levels are in a couple months time and it's just horrendous timing because I feel so demotivated and upset that I can't even revise. The guilt is really getting to me and he keeps persuading me to take him back but I really don't want to get back together with him whether it be now or in the future. We are practically best friends, but I ruined that. I feel horrible for lying to him how I'll never lose feelings for him or I will never leave him but I did just that. This is both our first relationship and we were together for over a year. How do I get rid of this guilt, he says he still has high hopes for us even thought I told him it won't happen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :frown:

It hurts for everyone involved, there's no avoiding that, it's a part of relationships. I found out that my ex-girlfriend had been cheating on me yesterday, we broke up a month ago so I've gotten a double whammy of pain, it feels so much worse this time round. Hopefully, you didn't do anything like that to hurt him further, he will move on, unfortunately it just takes time. I moved on within a couple weeks and this was someone I had envisioned spending a long time with (perhaps the rest of my life but I was trying to not be naive). The cheating just added feelings of betrayal, anger and hatred to the mix prolonging my recovery. You do need to cut contact with each other though, it will make the process quicker, easier and less painful in the long run. If you do get into a new relationship anytime soon keep it private, I can tell you that knowing my b*tch of an ex is currently happy with someone else feels like cr*p.

As for the revision, you just need to put yourself first, it's your future and you need to work on it for yourself.

Reply 4

coco0

13

Don't feel guilty if you weren't completely happy or wanted to end the relationship you have every right too and he shouldn't be trying to make you feel guilty I think that is extremely unfair. Maybe its best right now for you to stop talking to him all together I know it'll be hard but at least until you feel okay about the situation and ready to be friends with him again.

Don't get back together with him. If you were unhappy for that long those feelings will still be there if you two were to try again - and then you'll inevitably have to break up with him all over again which will be even harder.

The only thing that you really can do is wait it out. Those feelings only go away with time - and it could easily take a week or even several before you start to feel better about it.

I broke up with him

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