Completely confused

My ex broke up with me end of last year. We were in a Ldr and it wasn’t working. I was putting in all the effort and he refused to come back and see me. It got to the point he basically broke up with me because he wouldn’t come back. However he’s always stayed in touch and told me how much he missed me and when he moves back to the area he wants another chance. Anyway I then out of chance saw him in person last week, I hear all that again from him and I stay the night at his because he says he missed me so much and just wants to spend time with me. And he tells me if I was closer then he wouldn’t have any doubts of being with me.

Anyway fast forward a few hours. I find out he’s dating someone else and travelling to see here every week, and she’s 3-4 hours away. He had her over at his parents house only the night before and slept with her. I got so angry that he lied, the fact he’s okay with behaving like that to another girl and I have now cut him off, as he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone. But also the fact he constantly makes it seem he wants to get back to together, so I haven’t moved on. And the fact he’s willing to travel the distance for someone else but wasn’t he willing to do it for me.

Every time he comes back into my life he emotionally destroys me despite him saying how much he cares for me. Is this gaslighting behaviour? Why is he doing this? I just feel like he has a hold over my life and I can never move on because he’s permanently ‘checking in’ or showing up at things.

What he's doing isn't fair on you or that other girl. He didn't want to put in the effort before so I'm sure not much has changed. Please just completely cut him of for your own sake, don't go and see him and don't respond to any messages, it'll help you move on and let him know he doesn't have control over you anymore. Hopefully you find someone better and willing to the effort for you

i'm so sorry he's treating you like this, he sounds like he's really emotionally immature and i seriously think you deserve better than this. i know it's hard, but honestly i think it's worth trying to cut him off or at least reject him whenever he tries to get back together with you- it'll be so much better for you in the long run. i hope things get better for you soon =(

I know and I said that to him but he thinks he’s doing nothing wrong. I know that and I expect he will do the same to the new person, but it just hurts knowing he is willing to travel for her and he couldn’t do that for me.

I had removed/blocked him on everything but I stupidly let him back in last week. So I’ve just reblocked him on everything and I’ve told him not to message me again. He lives 6 hours away so I hadn’t seen him since before we broke up. It was just unfortunate I did bump into him last week but in a way it’s a blessing as I now know he hasn’t changed at all. Thank you, this means a lot. I hope so too, but just feel completely broken at the minute with how he’s treated me <\3

Spend time healing alone and take time for yourself, the way he's treated you isn't how it should be, find someone who understands how much you are worth and takes time for you. Don't rush into another relationship and I hope you feel better soon!