The Student Room Group

How do I move on when things are not going right and nobody is there for me?

I was an active, motivated and self-reliant person. I used to be a single and happy girl. Then , I found my boyfriend who is totally impossible to get married in future but we fell in love each other as hell. We travelled together, lived together, studied together and worked together for a long time. We knew that our parents would never approve this relationship but we were so crazy in love, we decided to elope and settle in another country. Now, our relationship is almost going to break up because of working together. I can't let him go but we both are not happy at all even we are living together. He changed completely. We decided to go back and break up after our visa expired and tenancy is completed. I couldn't handle this pain, I don't know if I can move on. I regret for my decision to work with him.
Original post by Chloethet
I was an active, motivated and self-reliant person. I used to be a single and happy girl. Then , I found my boyfriend who is totally impossible to get married in future but we fell in love each other as hell. We travelled together, lived together, studied together and worked together for a long time. We knew that our parents would never approve this relationship but we were so crazy in love, we decided to elope and settle in another country. Now, our relationship is almost going to break up because of working together. I can't let him go but we both are not happy at all even we are living together. He changed completely. We decided to go back and break up after our visa expired and tenancy is completed. I couldn't handle this pain, I don't know if I can move on. I regret for my decision to work with him.


People change and they are not always the person you expect them to be.
If you have talked and you cant fix it between you, then you must realise in the long term you do not make each other happy and your future together would only be more of the same. Could you try living apart? If not then you have the painful readjustment of a break up, but its something we all have to go through as a journey to finding a new relationship that can make you happy for longer. If you accept that you arent compatible and it will now just make you unhappy, then it makes sense to go and look for something better. People go through this all the time, just have some hope that you will meet someone better in the future.
Reply 2
Things are complicated because of him. He is ambiguous about breaking up that I'm not sure what he wants. We both know this is not going so far. May be we are not mature enough to handle emotions and ego. He wants to be rich and he thinks money can make him happy. My perception is money is just a basic thing to support my dreams and happiness. Our passion and attitude are different. He can give up anything for money. I don't want to think who is right here. He may be right on his perspective.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by 999tigger
People change and they are not always the person you expect them to be.
If you have talked and you cant fix it between you, then you must realise in the long term you do not make each other happy and your future together would only be more of the same. Could you try living apart? If not then you have the painful readjustment of a break up, but its something we all have to go through as a journey to finding a new relationship that can make you happy for longer. If you accept that you arent compatible and it will now just make you unhappy, then it makes sense to go and look for something better. People go through this all the time, just have some hope that you will meet someone better in the future.


Things are complicated because of him. He is ambiguous about breaking up that I'm not sure what he wants. We both know this is not going so far. May be we are not mature enough to handle emotions and ego. He wants to be rich and he thinks money can make him happy. My perception is money is just a basic thing to support my dreams and happiness. Our passion and attitude are different. He can give up anything for money. I don't want to think who is right here. He may be right on his perspective.
Original post by Chloethet
Things are complicated because of him. He is ambiguous about breaking up that I'm not sure what he wants. We both know this is not going so far. May be we are not mature enough to handle emotions and ego. He wants to be rich and he thinks money can make him happy. My perception is money is just a basic thing to support my dreams and happiness. Our passion and attitude are different. He can give up anything for money. I don't want to think who is right here. He may be right on his perspective.


That means you have different values and you will be better off with someone who appreciates or holds one similar to yours. By accepting you are incompatible, then it should become easier to let go as you are hanging onto something that is not a good fit. Once you accept the fact you can be happier on your own or with the chance of finding someone else, then you can give it one last try (he is unlikely to change) and then empower yourself to end it. Leave as friends if possible. You just have to face up to the fact its not going to end in the way you had hoped, but that is natural for relationships. Dont waste time on something that cant give you what you want.
Reply 5
Original post by 999tigger
That means you have different values and you will be better off with someone who appreciates or holds one similar to yours. By accepting you are incompatible, then it should become easier to let go as you are hanging onto something that is not a good fit. Once you accept the fact you can be happier on your own or with the chance of finding someone else, then you can give it one last try (he is unlikely to change) and then empower yourself to end it. Leave as friends if possible. You just have to face up to the fact its not going to end in the way you had hoped, but that is natural for relationships. Dont waste time on something that cant give you what you want.


I made up my mind several times to let him go and move on without him but I gave him many chances for a period of time. It's hurt to believe that he is really leaving me soon and not loving me at all. Sometimes I am scared of losing him. That's why I distracted to avoid thinking about him. I am trying to get back all of my confidence and be strong enough to let him go.
Original post by Chloethet
I made up my mind several times to let him go and move on without him but I gave him many chances for a period of time. It's hurt to believe that he is really leaving me soon and not loving me at all. Sometimes I am scared of losing him. That's why I distracted to avoid thinking about him. I am trying to get back all of my confidence and be strong enough to let him go.

At this stage you have to do what is best for you.
You are incompatible.
He is going to move on without you anyway.
He is not making you happy any more.
Just accept you will have a different future with someone else who will make you happy.
In the meantime start focusing on yourself.

Quick Reply

Latest