i think my mums a little crazy

Weird this is so similar to my mum's position, she also cares for her sick grandmother, it's one of her main strains actually. She puts in a lot of effort out of obligation & guilt, spends so much time, grandma not grateful at all and even nasty to her if she doesn't have time for one day! So i'm sure for your mum this is high priority, for example look how occupied in thought you are about ur own mum. Dealing with sick people can also have a depressive psychological effect, making you think often of illness, suffering, even death.

Same my dad is distant so he hasn't been helpful, not just distant but emotionally very reserved and doesn't know how to show care. He just runs the errands or hires people to help, but incapable of emotional support. Maybe this is something you can team up with dad for? If youre not close then maybe if he loves her will communicate with you for her sake. I can understand the sister thing, sounds like yours is going through her own things, as most young people are and naturally oblivious to what parents might be going through. a lot of take yeeaars of growing up to actually see it. So it's admirable you can now!

You are probs going through your own stuff too. Look more closely at your mum's habits, behaviours or other symptoms (obsessions?) she might have, researching them to see if there is a similar set of symptoms that could suggest ways to deal with it. Maybe it's a type of mid life crisis? My dad is going through that now and the main advice is always to show acceptance, patience and kindness while they learn how to deal with it..

Wanted to give a rep but have given you too many lmaoo