Feeling bad for my mum… :(

I live in a family of four. I’m 21 and my brother is 18. We have the type of parents who should have separated a long time ago, but didn’t. My parents are financially dependent on each other so neither can move out of our family home. However, this isn’t really the issue at hand.
My brother is extremely arrogant. He didn’t go to uni, which is fine, but he also doesn’t have a job. He says he’s working on ‘starting a business’ but we’re yet to see any fruits of that labour. He also never seems to be working towards this, he’s always out playing football or watching TV. He is also a very arrogant and angry person. People have to walk on eggshells around him because if someone speaks to him the wrong way he just bellows at them.
My dad thinks he can do no wrong. They have a bit of a ‘partnership’. Both of them think men should do no housework (they’re very old fashioned in that way), but also are completely happy for my mum to work a full time job and do all the cooking and cleaning.
She is absolutely breaking her back by trying to keep the house in a liveable condition. I help her and back her up, but I am living at home while I finish my final uni exams, so I have to balance studying with housework.
If she ever asks my brother to do anything (even just hang out his washing), she’ll be screamed at. It’s arrogant and unacceptable behaviour from him. The issue is, parents should be able to work together, but my dad blindly backs him up. He sees my brother as this perfect child who can do no wrong, so if he’s yelling at my mum, she must deserve it! My poor mum works so hard both at her job and in the house, and is perpetually bullied by them both. I’m worried about her for when I move out (I’ve got a job lined up as a lawyer in two years).
I’m also worried about my brother’s future. His arrogance and laziness is being fuelled by my dad who sees him as his pal who can do no wrong. He is going to have a tough time in the future I think.

What can I do? I’ve tried speaking to my dad and brother but they’re both very self centred and are convinced my mum is ‘crazy’ for asking them to contribute to the cleaning of the home.

Reply 1

Lady_Bee

This is a very difficult situation for you to be in.

Honestly, I'd consider getting some counselling for you. You can't fix this, but you can get help for you.

You can help Mum as you are, and its wonderful that you are, but change needs to come from Dad. He is teaching Brother that this behaviour is OK and it's not. Dad should be defending mum not backing up brother.

He is still quite young, you keep doing you and I bet in a few years dad won't tolerate the not having a job and no income, if he is as old fashioned as you say.

Hug ❤