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I heard my flatmates say they don't like me

I moved to uni last Tuesday and I thought things were going well with my flatmates. I'd been out a couple times with them and we'd been talking and stuff. But last night like five of them (there's ten of us) were sat in the room next to me and I could hear them talk about how annoying I am and how they hate talking to me and that they feel sorry for me because I'm not popular. I... Don't know what to do. They're all nice otherwise so maybe I'll just stay out of their way. I just feel like they've only been nice to me so far because I'm like a charity case. I'd rather they didn't be nice at all. Idk what I've done to make them hate me, I'm not messy and I'm just shy and keep to myself. I also really hate conflict but I feel so awkward around them now. What should I do?

Reply 1

cheerIeader

What University are you at?? Popularity hierarchies exist..?

Anyway, I know you might be feeling miserable about this. Personally, I'd confront them directly about the situation (in a very calm and calculated way) or just make a snarky comment and ignore them completely (if I feel they'd disrespected me) because they're not worthy of your time. If they find you annoying, that's on them. I'm not sure if you want to move out of the flat completely because you could always talk to your student union about that and it could potentially be arranged.

You're not a charity case at all, so don't settle for being called out as annoying. They're out of place for talking down to you like that so honestly just stay out of their way if you think they're just acting nice towards you but there's no need to be vindictive either (which I'm sure you're not). Either way, I'm sure you'll find a group of friends who are totally thrilled to be friends with you. I'm sorry you had to endure such a rude group of people.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 2

HoldThisL

depends. take a realistic look at yourself. you know the saying 'if you can't find the weirdo, you are the weirdo'? on the one hand, they might be *****es, on the other, you might have a lot of personality flaws

if you can identify them, you can work on them

Reply 3

Bang Outta Order

That's harsh. They either have a valid point. Or they don't. I'd move. But you can't keep running forever. You know...you didn't HAVE to go out with them....now you've exposed your social flaws to a bunch of pricks.

Are you male? Are you a different race?

Reply 4

cheerIeader

Original post by Bang Outta Order

Well, it's like you said he/she/it can't keep running forever. It's time to widen it's horizons and learn how to have a personality.

PS - You can totally drill me whenever you want.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Given that you're shy I'd think it's more likely that they're judgemental, not that you have personality problems. In which case I'd either avoid them or quickly become a bit more confident and open (and pleasant if you're not so much already). But only you know which is the case.

Reply 6

Winterfell01

I think the best thing to do is to ask them about it directly now, otherwise there will always be an uncomfortable atmosphere everything you see them... Just ask them, I know it’s easier said than done but it’s important to know exactly what their problem is with you. Confront them like “hi I’m really sorry to bring this up, but the other day I heard you guys say that you find me annoying... Could you explain why because I really don’t want people to think I’m annoying” or something kinda like that, not in a rude way, just ask what it’s is they don’t like about you and how you want to fix this.

Reply 7

Welshvisitor

Kids. Playing kid’s games. It’s such an eye opener coming on here after living in post grad halls where these things don’t Happen. Either advanced degrees attract sensible people or people just grow up in time. I’d mention that you overheard to a few of them and ask them what the issue is. They’ll likely be embarrassed to have been put on the spot. Let them feel uneasy! ******s

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 8

medreduni

I'm so sorry to hear that, how horrible for you! At the start of Uni people are so desperate to fit in that most will just go along with what the crowd is saying, it's likely at least some of them didn't even think that about you! Either way, they don't sound like very nice people - they clearly aren't worth your time and energy. If it were me, I would probably not want to have to keep living with people who were so two-faced and I'd try to change accommodation (as someone mentioned, could you contact student union?).

The great thing about Uni is that there is such a HUGE variety of people, you will find some amazing friends who are lovely in the end. I personally felt very out of place in halls but met my best Uni mates in 2nd and 3rd year who are just awesome. If you can't move halls, I'd advise joining clubs and societies that truly interest you, because that is where you are likely to meet like-minded friends. If you don't find your people for a while, don't worry, it took me a long time, but you will meet some great people eventually, I promise!

With regards to those flatmates, it's hard to advise what to do without knowing you. I don't think confronting anyone will help - sounds like they are the type to get defensive and *****y instead of feeling guilty and being kind. Maybe you could become close friends with one or two of the other 5? Obviously don't smother them (I say that in case you feel insecure about making friends and therefore go overboard). Maybe you could 'hone in' on someone with whom you naturally gel and who seems to be lacking in confidence a bit themselves /could do with some security through friendship?

Reply 9

davesantana

empty the skeng at uni

Reply 10

Bang Outta Order

Original post by cheerIeader

Well, it's like you said he/she/it can't keep running forever. It's time to widen it's horizons and learn how to have a personality.

PS - You can totally drill me whenever you want.

Jesus lady I'm a human being not a piece of meat lol

Reply 11

cheerIeader

Original post by Bang Outta Order

Jesus lady I'm a human being not a piece of meat lol

Suddenly you're way hotter to me.

Reply 12

Bang Outta Order

Original post by cheerIeader

Suddenly you're way hotter to me.

whoa hot mama who even are you? lol

Reply 13

cheerIeader

Original post by Bang Outta Order

whoa hot mama who even are you? lol

That's for me to know and for you to dot dot dot.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Bang Outta Order

whoa hot mama who even are you? lol

Original post by cheerIeader

That's for me to know and for you to dot dot dot.

Lol do u guys know each other u can just pm this shiz

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

and for OP- just keep your distance and dont be annoying if they say you are. talk to the other 5 flatmates instead and check their body language if they feel the same too

Reply 16

doodle_333

you could try and fix it by hanging out with them more, may be ask one who's more approachable if there's anything you can work on

or you could join some clubs and make friends elsewhere