Flatmate doesn't seem okay
Hey I'm currently a first year living in student halls. We all get along and originally myself along with other flatmates thought one of our flatmates was autistic, we assumed this simply just from the way he acts, we get along well and go out together just some of his behaviour tends to fall into the stereotypical spectrum or OCD. I don't want to be too specific as I'm not 100% sure, therefore only stating it as basically all other flatmates agree. I'd asked him before without trying to be rude if he was but he denied it. In the last week his behaviour got a lot more abnormal which has caused a bit of worry between myself and some other flatmates. I'll see him in the kitchen at 7pm eating breakfast then staying up until ridiculous times yet still going to lectures a few hours later even though he seems either pretty tired or full of energy even when only on a few hours sleep it alternates. He also seems quite paranoid at the same time coming back to check things like to see if he turned off the hob or constantly looking behind him like something is there? I don't want to be too specific on what he's said for the purpose of anonymity but I've also noticed that what's he saying tends to he a lot more nonsensical in the last week and he constantly is changing what he says which just seems really unusual. Originally I thought it could just be a stressful week or something with uni but last night when I left work going through town I saw him around 2am just walking around town so I went over to say hi and asked him what he was doing in town but he told me he didn't know and seemed pretty nervous or paranoid even though he didn't say anything else? I ended up getting the bus back with him as I was going home. I don't want to make too many assumptions but at the same time dont want to just do nothing if something actual is wrong as we are friends and do get along.
Might be best to mention your concerns to any residential team at the uni. Either that or wellbeing services.
Original post by Admit-One
Might be best to mention your concerns to any residential team at the uni. Either that or wellbeing services.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not sure if we have a residental team but I checked our wellbeing service and it says to contact for support for yourself and doesn't say anything for other students. I don't want to come off as going behind his back or anything too would doing it have anonymity?
Given their behaviour I think it’s appropriate. I’d be very surprised if wellbeing refused to assist just because flatmates were reporting.
I’m sure they’ll be discreet about why they’re reaching out to him, but you can always explain that you don’t want to be named or anything.
Original post by Admit-One
Given their behaviour I think it’s appropriate. I’d be very surprised if wellbeing refused to assist just because flatmates were reporting.
I’m sure they’ll be discreet about why they’re reaching out to him, but you can always explain that you don’t want to be named or anything.
I’m sure they’ll be discreet about why they’re reaching out to him, but you can always explain that you don’t want to be named or anything.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you I'm going to email them and see what they say. I was only uncertain about it before as I didn't want to harm our friendship or anything by making him think I outed him for something
I can totally understand not wanting to look like you’ve gone behind their back. But I think it’s better to make sure that whatever is making them behave erratically is being managed.
Another route might be speaking to their personal tutor? You could contact their academic department if you don’t know who it is.
It's nice of you to care and go out of your way to try and help him.
Follow others' advice above. From personal experience of my own, I would avoid getting too directly involved in whatever his issues are. It's hard to tell what you're dealing with, and you could be out of your depth.
Ultimately, people's wellbeing is their own responsibility. Others can support (like you are), perhaps ask questions and listen, but cannot do this for them or force them to talk.
Follow others' advice above. From personal experience of my own, I would avoid getting too directly involved in whatever his issues are. It's hard to tell what you're dealing with, and you could be out of your depth.
Ultimately, people's wellbeing is their own responsibility. Others can support (like you are), perhaps ask questions and listen, but cannot do this for them or force them to talk.
Hi,
From an autistic student you are right to raise your concerns whether they're autistic or not the behaviour you are explaining from my experience and many other autistic people I know wouldn't be due to being autistic and could be having a really difficult time and it's nice to know that you and your flatmates care
From an autistic student you are right to raise your concerns whether they're autistic or not the behaviour you are explaining from my experience and many other autistic people I know wouldn't be due to being autistic and could be having a really difficult time and it's nice to know that you and your flatmates care
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey I'm currently a first year living in student halls. We all get along and originally myself along with other flatmates thought one of our flatmates was autistic, we assumed this simply just from the way he acts, we get along well and go out together just some of his behaviour tends to fall into the stereotypical spectrum or OCD. I don't want to be too specific as I'm not 100% sure, therefore only stating it as basically all other flatmates agree. I'd asked him before without trying to be rude if he was but he denied it. In the last week his behaviour got a lot more abnormal which has caused a bit of worry between myself and some other flatmates. I'll see him in the kitchen at 7pm eating breakfast then staying up until ridiculous times yet still going to lectures a few hours later even though he seems either pretty tired or full of energy even when only on a few hours sleep it alternates. He also seems quite paranoid at the same time coming back to check things like to see if he turned off the hob or constantly looking behind him like something is there? I don't want to be too specific on what he's said for the purpose of anonymity but I've also noticed that what's he saying tends to he a lot more nonsensical in the last week and he constantly is changing what he says which just seems really unusual. Originally I thought it could just be a stressful week or something with uni but last night when I left work going through town I saw him around 2am just walking around town so I went over to say hi and asked him what he was doing in town but he told me he didn't know and seemed pretty nervous or paranoid even though he didn't say anything else? I ended up getting the bus back with him as I was going home. I don't want to make too many assumptions but at the same time dont want to just do nothing if something actual is wrong as we are friends and do get along.
It sounds like he has ocd, and perhaps adhd? Just my experience and similar behaviour pattern.
Best of luck with your flatmate
Let their tutor know as soon as you can to be honest, especially as they are the first point of contact. And make it anonymous.
Original post by Admit-One
Given their behaviour I think it’s appropriate. I’d be very surprised if wellbeing refused to assist just because flatmates were reporting.
I’m sure they’ll be discreet about why they’re reaching out to him, but you can always explain that you don’t want to be named or anything.
I’m sure they’ll be discreet about why they’re reaching out to him, but you can always explain that you don’t want to be named or anything.
I think weather you chose to be named or not he will know who’s reported him at the end of the day. I think talking to him and trying to get him to explain what’s up is always best. Maybe offer him to go for a coffee or a chat or if he’s too anxious maybe ask him if he has any worries he’d like to talk about.
Lots can happen in peoples lives, he may have lost someone he’s close too and be very stressed or something may have happened, you just never know. He may have lost a girlfriend and be grieving over that, you can just never tell.
It’s always best to let people be unless they’re in a position where you think they may hurt themselves. You don’t want to cause them any added stress.
Original post by Anonymous
I think weather you chose to be named or not he will know who’s reported him at the end of the day. I think talking to him and trying to get him to explain what’s up is always best. Maybe offer him to go for a coffee or a chat or if he’s too anxious maybe ask him if he has any worries he’d like to talk about.
Lots can happen in peoples lives, he may have lost someone he’s close too and be very stressed or something may have happened, you just never know. He may have lost a girlfriend and be grieving over that, you can just never tell.
It’s always best to let people be unless they’re in a position where you think they may hurt themselves. You don’t want to cause them any added stress.
Lots can happen in peoples lives, he may have lost someone he’s close too and be very stressed or something may have happened, you just never know. He may have lost a girlfriend and be grieving over that, you can just never tell.
It’s always best to let people be unless they’re in a position where you think they may hurt themselves. You don’t want to cause them any added stress.
I think you're addressing this to the threadstarter rather than me.
Anonymous # 1 You are very kind and thank you for caring enough for another student to want to do something to help.
Sometimes people who have mental health issues can become really ill without actually realising how unwell they have become and it spirals. Many issues are made worse when someone fails to take medication. Stressful situations can make mental health problems worse too. So moving into Uni, settling in, coping with work loads and new faces can quickly be overwhelming.
Most Uni's have a welfare or medical centre where you can go and chat in confidence about genuine concerns for other students welfare. Whilst much of this behaviour could be due to mental health it could also be due to drug use or it could be perfectly normal for that person. Trust your gut feeling here. Too many people have ignored behaviour signs that are really worrisome and shows no sign of improvement only to find the person has self harmed or taken their own life.
You are not acting out of malice. For many people, if they are struggling and have a mental health crisis brewing it is far better for medical staff to intervene earlier rather than too late to prevent a full blown crisis - often requiring hospitalisation.
Do what you can to be open and supportive for your friend. Don't be afraid to speak in confidence with Uni medical staff or his tutors, particularly if you feel he really that he is becoming isolated, that his behaviour is worrisome and that he is perhaps in danger of harming himself (or others) by any behaviour.
Do enough to get someone more qualified to make an evaluation of him. Those same medically trained personnel should be able to link in with additional info (that you do not have) and make an informed judgement. You can then step back knowing you have tried your best and done the very best you can for him. You then have the option to continue to maintain contact with him if this helps.
Sometimes people who have mental health issues can become really ill without actually realising how unwell they have become and it spirals. Many issues are made worse when someone fails to take medication. Stressful situations can make mental health problems worse too. So moving into Uni, settling in, coping with work loads and new faces can quickly be overwhelming.
Most Uni's have a welfare or medical centre where you can go and chat in confidence about genuine concerns for other students welfare. Whilst much of this behaviour could be due to mental health it could also be due to drug use or it could be perfectly normal for that person. Trust your gut feeling here. Too many people have ignored behaviour signs that are really worrisome and shows no sign of improvement only to find the person has self harmed or taken their own life.
You are not acting out of malice. For many people, if they are struggling and have a mental health crisis brewing it is far better for medical staff to intervene earlier rather than too late to prevent a full blown crisis - often requiring hospitalisation.
Do what you can to be open and supportive for your friend. Don't be afraid to speak in confidence with Uni medical staff or his tutors, particularly if you feel he really that he is becoming isolated, that his behaviour is worrisome and that he is perhaps in danger of harming himself (or others) by any behaviour.
Do enough to get someone more qualified to make an evaluation of him. Those same medically trained personnel should be able to link in with additional info (that you do not have) and make an informed judgement. You can then step back knowing you have tried your best and done the very best you can for him. You then have the option to continue to maintain contact with him if this helps.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Flatmate's boyfriend
- Accomodation health
- Should i ask to switch university accomodation?
- Flatmate being really isolated/creepy
- I have no friends at uni
- is it okay to live in hall after second year??
- Changing flats
- Friends with flat mates
- Lonely at University
- uni life
- Are freshers tickets a scam
- Flatmate is gay, I am Muslim. I want him to know I have no problem with his sexuality
- Is there a way to find out who your flatmates are before starting first year of uni?
- Exeter uni looking for second year housemates
- university
- I have no friends at uni and don't wanna go back
- Am I justified to tell flatmate to lower music volume
- Worried about uni accom
- Fell out with my flatmates, and now my housing for next year is at risk
- Making friends at uni
