The Student Room Group

I have no friends at uni

Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want
Hey!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I totally understand how you must be feeling, as for me as well it was always difficult to make friends. I really appreciate that you joined societies and connected to people on social media. But at the same time you have to also understand, feeling this way is very common, and many students go through this. Building meaningful connections takes time, and it's okay if things don't happen overnight. I would just advise you to be patient, and if you want to go out and have some fun, don't hesitate in initiating plans. You also might find new friends at university social events. Further, I really appreciate that you came to TSR and talked about your emotions and problems. It's really important to talk about your problems, and that is why whenever you feel low, you should talk to someone you trust, like friends, family or the wellbeing team, so that they can help you during tough times. I assure you things will improve with time and persistance!

Best Wishes
Priya :smile:
Postgraduate Ambassador
University of Southampton
Which uni?
Original post by undefined
Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want

Hi @undefined

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with making friends at university, the loneliness at university really sucks ☹️ I want to emphasise that a lot of people experience this, and you aren’t alone in it. You should be really proud for putting yourself out there and trying, even when it can feel discouraging.

I know you’ve tried societies, but have you tried social events? Universities and some societies host social events for students (even if you aren’t part of their society) to meet others whilst doing something. For example, I’ve heard of group painting sessions, organised night outs, tea and cake sessions etc. Doing activities with people could be a great way to get to know them.

Don’t beat yourself up if it takes you a while to make friends. Some people don’t find their friends at university and it doesn’t say anything about their character.

I hope this helps! 🙂

Estelle
Third Year Psychology
University of Huddersfield
Hey there,

I totally understand how you feel, as I experienced something similar in my first year. It can be really tough when it feels like you're on the outside looking in. But remember, it's okay to take time to find your place. It's also important to not compare your experiences with others. Everyone's "uni experience" is different and it's not always as perfect as it may seem. Try to stay open to new experiences and people, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. You're not alone in feeling this way and things will get better with time.

Perhaps you could try focusing on building deeper connections with a smaller number of people, rather than reaching out to a broad range of individuals. Quality friendships often take time to develop, so be patient with yourself and others. If the societies you joined aren't working out, consider looking for other clubs or groups that align better with your interests.

When it comes to your flatmates, try to find common ground or shared interests that could help you bond. While it's important to feel comfortable in your living situation, remember that your flatmates don't have to become your best friends.

I hope this helps,
Ilya :smile:
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling with this right now. Loneliness, especially during this time of year and with many academic commitments, can be really tough. I'd first encourage you to not be disheartened and to keep trying!

Meaningful connections and friendships can take some time to develop, so it is important to keep going. Also remember that the 'uni experience' looks different for everyone, so try not to compare yourself to others too much, although I do this sometimes myself - it's hard not to!

I think it is important to remember why you are there. Are you enjoying your studies? What societies are you a part of? Are there any events or activities that your university/city runs that you can get involved in too? I think it's great that you're down to do anything, those friends are always so fun to hangout with!

When it comes to your flatmates and course mates, I'd recommend you try to find things you have in common and get to know them a little more in that setting. Some people get comfortable with the friends that they have already made, so just keep trying, be kind, and know that it won't always be like this.

Remember it is okay to try activities alone too! I find that going to the cinema alone is such a fun and independent activity, but I also understand how important it is to have those connections at university. It takes time and there are many people who are experiencing the same thing - you've got this!

Best of luck,

Isabella
Third-year Geography with a Year Abroad Student
Hello,

My name is Haya and I am an international student at UClan.

I want to reassure you that how you feel is similar to how I and a lot of my colleagues felt like at the beginning of our uni career.

I think with time, you’ll find that you will meet more friends not only in your course, but also in the common social spaces.

I also made some of my friends in fitness classes in the gym, and around the library.

Finally, there might be some apps where you can meet people nearby and that sometimes can be helpful.

I hope the situation gets better and if in doubt seek support from universities as they often have schemes like Unibuddy.

Best of luck,
Haya
MBBS- V
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want

Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time right now! I don't really have any advice to give, because it sounds like you're doing everything right already. However, I will say that a lot of people don't really find their people until further into uni! I personally wasn't close to anyone until well into the second term and had similar feelings while seeing everyone else doing things together. This year I've felt much more confident and comfortable with the people around me. So I guess my best advice is to just keep going and making an effort, and I'm sure that you'll find people you click with at some point!
Best of luck.
-Kat (2nd year psychology student at Lancaster University)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want

Hiya,

I am so sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time and feeling this way. Starting uni can be really tough for some people!

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to make friends, but sometimes it just takes time to find your place. Although it might seem like everyone is having a great time and easily making friends, lots of people take much longer to find their place at uni. I’m in my third year now and I mainly have a few good friends. But I didn’t hang out with anyone outside uni until close to the end of my first year.

It can take time to make meaningful friendships. Maybe it’s worth asking some of the friends you sit with in lectures, if they’d like to go for a drink or a coffee after class? I understand that you might have tried this already but please don’t give up.

Try not to take it personally either. I know it might seem that people don’t want to hang out with you, but people often get caught up in their own lives and probably don’t realise the situation you’re in.

Maybe it would be worth looking into any social events your university is holding and even events or groups you could join outside of your university.

It’s great you’ve reached out here. Make sure to talk to your family about how you’re feeling and if you’re really struggling reach out to your university wellbeing team. They will be able to offer you lots of support and they might even be able to suggest other ways of meeting people.

Don’t give up 🙂 I hope you find your people soon!

All the best,

Sophie (ARU)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im in first year right now and my flatmates are very cliquey and don't really include me in anything & I'm in 4 societies and I haven't really made any friends.

I have a group of people I sit with during my lectures but they don't seem interested in meeting me outside of uni much. I've even dmd people from my uni on instagram and TikTok to try and make friends but nothing works. Its making me feel really down as I see people going out every weekend and staying over at each others accom and I haven't experienced that :frown:

I love going out and I'm down for anything at anytime but everyone has friends to go out with and I ask if people want to go out with me but they say not today and then never invite me and I don't want to seem desperate by always asking when they seem uninterested.

I have a job and I've met people at work but one of them ghosted me the night we were meant to go out and the other has a girlfriend so we don't talk now. I even had free cinema tickets at one point and couldn't even find anyone to go to the cinema with me for free lol.

It's making me feel really bad about myself and Im starting to feel as if there's something wrong with me as so many people are having the "uni experience" and its all I want

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time,

It can be hard when you feel like you are doing everything you can to make friends and nobody seems to want to be your friend. It took me a while to make friends in my first year so I understand how hard it can be when you feel lonely and it seems like everyone else is out having fun. Try and remember that everyone has tough times and just because you see things on social media it doesn't mean that everyone is having loads of fun all the time as this isn't always the case.

I know you have joined societies which is good but as someone else has said there are usually other social events that universities put on which you could go along to and see if there is anyone there that you click with.

Also if you are in student accommodation then try and see if they ever put any events on at all as some halls do this or if you have social spaces in the building then try and go there and see if you meet anybody this way as most people would be friendly if you approached them.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy - SHU student ambassador

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