Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Any help appreciated..

I dont know why my message is not visible but I'll try copy here haha

Hey people , I never wrote on forums but I've been visiting and reading from this great place for a period of time and I decided to open up about my problem

-I was in relationship with my (ex) girlfriend 3 years, we meet in high school because we were at same class, instant love for both sides. I'm her first love, I had few relationship before her but nothing serious. Those 3 years were magical , she was so 'for me' and ready to do anything for me. I appreciated that and loved her even more so bond between us was growing every day. But last year I run in some serious problems in my life, family and so on , that hit me so hard I become depressed, cold, empty etc. I realized that I cant be same person for her that I used to be at the moment but never speak with her about my situation , I broke up telling her I don't love her anymore, I don't have feelings for her anymore so better we split up. She was so 'crushed' and disappointed , but she was begging me to think about everything , she can improve things we just need to go out and spend time together. I stupidly refused that and we all see where this is going.

-Right now she goes on college, we weren't talking or seeing each other for a long time , until she send me a message one morning after she was on a party with college friends to see where I'm now , how I'm now and she told me she loves me after everything. I was happy because I also miss her and I finally solved my problems and I was thinking maybe we can do something again if she still loves me. We started going out again and in the beginning was everything positive, sometimes she will look me in the eyes and started crying and I was confused. After few weeks she stopped to reply to my messages immediately (she is online but replies after 10-11 mins), stopped telling me if she misses me, she goes out with (female) friends every 2 day and we started arguing more and more every day and because of that panic I became needy, clingy and etc even if I'm not that guy.

-When we finally meet yesterday after 2 weeks of ''I'm occupied with my college, I have this, I have that..'' she told me she still loves me but she cant find that spark in me anymore, she was forcing herself everyday but for her its gone, I apologized for everything in the past and said that is all my fault and she responded with '' Ouh you destroyed me emotionally and now you want me back, you are amazing person and deserve someone better , sorry but i don't feel that bond between us anymore, but I like spending time with you so we can go out for drinks'' , I was speechless because in my head at that moment memories started to roll on and from being someone she was willing to spend every hour to this. I asked about other guys and she told me there is no one /at the moment/ but if she meet up someone that will wake up her feelings again she is ready to experience something new. Just to add, she never cheated on me , she was rejecting every guy immediately because 'i was her man'.

Now I'm crushed because I lost someone I truly love just because I was selfish and stupid, is there any ''fix'' ? Any way back to her heart for me because I don't have will for anything or anyone else, she is totally my type of girlfriend but i don't know anymore what to do at this moment, my whole life stopped. Thank you