Should break up but I can't

We've had a lot of problems in the relationship and I'm permanently anxious, sad and kinda depressed. My insomnia has got worse too. I was happy before the relationship, and happy at the start, but he changed, he became hot and cold, inconsistent, it became hard to believe he liked me or loved me. I told him it hurt me, hurt me a lot he kept pushing me away and denying it or saying he would change and doing the same. We have bedroom problems too. He's tried to improve recently but it's too late, the damage is done, I don't think I'll ever be happy with him again, Im permanently doubting myself or him, I can't trust him and the pain is just destroying me. I love him but I hate him for doing this. I think it shows we're incompatible too, I need someone who gives me as much love and time as I give, else I'll just save all my love for myself, someone who is honest and open and good at communicating and assures me they love me, but gives me space and freedom. He used to be this person once but he had to change and ruin it all, and there's probably still some stupid hope that we could be happy like that again.

I would break up if I thought it would bring me peace, but I don't think it will. I'll still have lots of unanswered questions and never know the answers, and think about him all the time and still love him. I also hate the finality of it, and I can't bear to think I'd never kiss him or cuddle him or hold his hand or see him or speak to him again and we'd be strangers once more. Anyone been through this? I'm just such an emotional person, I know I need to leave but I just can't