Advice on raising self-esteem/confidence?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hello all,

So this may stem into dating but I feel like that’s where the issue arises 😅. Essentially, I have discovered that the way I think, such as being overly critical about myself, all stems from low self-confidence and before I thought it was all made up but I’ ve accepted it as true.

Even now, I can hardly remember a time where I felt good about myself, even where I did commendable things.

Which brings me to this, it just seems like no matter what I do, even improving myself, is not helping raise the low self-confidence. Perhaps it’s all in the mind and the way I think because a lot of people I know have said really good things about me but deep down inside I just don’t feel the same way about myself as others do about me. In addition, I feel like the low self-confidence (as well as lack of experience) is what is hindering me with dating because I feel like girls can sense the low self-confidence within me.

Is there any advice? I do think going to the gym and achieving a decent body is one suggestion but I think the low self-confidence is something that is engrained unto em and it went unnoticed. Any advice is sincerely appreciated!

Many thanks!
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sunny.side.up
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If your feeling insecure about your body, I recommend do going to the gym and eating well. If you feel your overweight, cardio will be good for you, and if your feeling underweight strength training may help. Doing both is awesome too!

If this doesn't help try to make a list of everything you like about yourself or you think your good at if this be physically or mentally. Put it on a wall or somewhere you see daily. This will help remove those negative thoughts and make you feel a sense of accomplishment and proudness.

You can also try to improve your mental health by doing things you enjoy. Taking on new hobbies, travelling, meeting up with friends. Make sure the people your around are a good influence as well, if the people you hang out with are pushing you down and making you feel bad about yourself, they are toxic and leave them.
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SlaveofAll
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I kinda feel the same way, too.
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Anngee26
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You need to work on your mind first. It will take time but it works. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and say, "I am good enough", "I can achieve anything I want to if I try and believe in myself." Next you need to start believing in yourself more. Basically when you are going to talk to someone for instance, don't start with a negative thought about yourself like, I wonder if they will like me or they won't. Rather approach with the mindset that they are either going to like you or not but that has nothing to do with who you are. Go to them with the mindset that they will gain value from you. Value and love yourself first and you will attract positivity. Also I agree, if you feel you are too skinny or too big you can go to the gym to resolve this. Key point here is do it for you and no one else. If the results make you happy that's all that matters. Good luck I was there before.
Last edited by Anngee26; 1 month ago
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Dunnig Kruger
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Stop taking yourself and your life so seriously.
Stop being a perfectionist.

Do whatever it takes to do those 2 things.
It's something that you can do in 1 evening. Through some logical thinking backed up by you having the emotional motivation to want to change.

Once you've made that change to your internal life philosophy you will stop taking your lack of self esteem so seriously. And you will stop being perfectionist about how good your self esteem should be.
When you start laughing at and taking the mickey out of your current self esteem, you will be on the right path. And when you have the attitude that whatever self esteem you have is "good enough" or that "it will have to do" then you are on the right path.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Stop taking yourself and your life so seriously.
Stop being a perfectionist.

Do whatever it takes to do those 2 things.
It's something that you can do in 1 evening. Through some logical thinking backed up by you having the emotional motivation to want to change.

Once you've made that change to your internal life philosophy you will stop taking your lack of self esteem so seriously. And you will stop being perfectionist about how good your self esteem should be.
When you start laughing at and taking the mickey out of your current self esteem, you will be on the right path. And when you have the attitude that whatever self esteem you have is "good enough" or that "it will have to do" then you are on the right path.
Thank you so much! And yeah, perfectionism is a big thing for me 😂
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anngee26)
You need to work on your mind first. It will take time but it works. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and say, "I am good enough", "I can achieve anything I want to if I try and believe in myself." Next you need to start believing in yourself more. Basically when you are going to talk to someone for instance, don't start with a negative thought about yourself like, I wonder if they will like me or they won't. Rather approach with the mindset that they are either going to like you or not but that has nothing to do with who you are. Go to them with the mindset that they will gain value from you. Value and love yourself first and you will attract positivity. Also I agree, if you feel you are too skinny or too big you can go to the gym to resolve this. Key point here is do it for you and no one else. If the results make you happy that's all that matters. Good luck I was there before.
The wall thing is such a neat idea! Thank you so much! 😊
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Anonymous #2
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Are you shy? You could practice social skills by speaking more and meeting new people
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello all,

So this may stem into dating but I feel like that’s where the issue arises 😅. Essentially, I have discovered that the way I think, such as being overly critical about myself, all stems from low self-confidence and before I thought it was all made up but I’ ve accepted it as true.

Even now, I can hardly remember a time where I felt good about myself, even where I did commendable things.

Which brings me to this, it just seems like no matter what I do, even improving myself, is not helping raise the low self-confidence. Perhaps it’s all in the mind and the way I think because a lot of people I know have said really good things about me but deep down inside I just don’t feel the same way about myself as others do about me. In addition, I feel like the low self-confidence (as well as lack of experience) is what is hindering me with dating because I feel like girls can sense the low self-confidence within me.

Is there any advice? I do think going to the gym and achieving a decent body is one suggestion but I think the low self-confidence is something that is engrained unto em and it went unnoticed. Any advice is sincerely appreciated!

Many thanks!
honestly fake it till you make it, just start acting like you're confident whenever u go out, maybe make sure ur posture is good when walking in public, but it's all about the mentality. No matter how much you go to the gym or do whatever u can to make urself appear even more attractive , if in ur mind u think of urself in a destructing way then people will also perceive u in that way aswell. So just start acting like ur confident and it'll soon start to play out
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you shy? You could practice social skills by speaking more and meeting new people
I’m quite sociable, but I’m mainly concerned with my internal thoughts and overly harsh criticism and doubts
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lucyyy12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello all,

So this may stem into dating but I feel like that’s where the issue arises 😅. Essentially, I have discovered that the way I think, such as being overly critical about myself, all stems from low self-confidence and before I thought it was all made up but I’ ve accepted it as true.

Even now, I can hardly remember a time where I felt good about myself, even where I did commendable things.

Which brings me to this, it just seems like no matter what I do, even improving myself, is not helping raise the low self-confidence. Perhaps it’s all in the mind and the way I think because a lot of people I know have said really good things about me but deep down inside I just don’t feel the same way about myself as others do about me. In addition, I feel like the low self-confidence (as well as lack of experience) is what is hindering me with dating because I feel like girls can sense the low self-confidence within me.

Is there any advice? I do think going to the gym and achieving a decent body is one suggestion but I think the low self-confidence is something that is engrained unto em and it went unnoticed. Any advice is sincerely appreciated!

Many thanks!
getting a job helped me a lot with confidence and people skills because I was forced into interacting with people.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lucyyy12)
getting a job helped me a lot with confidence and people skills because I was forced into interacting with people.
I think I saw one of your threads before about getting a job and that’s precisely what I plan to do over summer
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