partner hit me i have nowhere to go

As title says my partner shook me and grabbed my neck shoved me etc in an argument.

At first he wouldn’t admit he did anything wrong eventhough i could tell he looked guilty. But then once i spoke to him after he calmed down he apologised.

Now i’ve accepted his apology but I have no intention of staying with him anymore.

My issue is i literally have nowhere else I could go to.

I couldn’t go to my family as they wouldn’t take me in and any friends I could go to i don’t want to stay at as it’s not permanent solution.

I work full time from home but salary isn’t much. Not sure what I should do? Any advice

Reply 1

marple

15

Original post by Anonymous

As title says my partner shook me and grabbed my neck shoved me etc in an argument.

At first he wouldn’t admit he did anything wrong eventhough i could tell he looked guilty. But then once i spoke to him after he calmed down he apologised.

Now i’ve accepted his apology but I have no intention of staying with him anymore.

My issue is i literally have nowhere else I could go to.

I couldn’t go to my family as they wouldn’t take me in and any friends I could go to i don’t want to stay at as it’s not permanent solution.

I work full time from home but salary isn’t much. Not sure what I should do? Any advice

Look on websites like Spareroom.co.uk to find a room in the short term. You need to get away from him asap. Once you are in a safe place, you can work out a longer term solution.
You are quite right to get away. If he feel this type of behaviour is acceptable it is only likely to escalate in the future. You deserve better.
Wishing you the best.

Reply 2

Genesiss

20

do you have a safe place to stay for the night? is this the first time this has happened?

do you have a tenancy agreement with your bf?

would your parents let you at at theirs temporarily while you looked at your own private accommodation?

if you need urgent help contact the council

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_domestic_abuse

You count as homeless if you're at risk of domestic abuse in your home.

This means you can make a homeless application to the council if you cannot stay in your home or need help to deal with domestic abuse.

From 5 July 2021, you also have an automatic priority need if you're homeless because of domestic abuse. This means the council must provide emergency housing if you need it.

You can approach any council you choose and you cannot be referred back to an area where you're at risk of domestic abuse.

you'll need evidence of domestic abuse but read more about it on the link provided above sorry this has happened to you. :frown:

Reply 3

super_hannah

15

I would look and see if you could find somewhere to rent like a house share etc which is usually a lot cheaper anyway. If your friends would take you in temporarily just to give you a roof over your head while you get things in order before finding a more permanent place to live then I would look into that too. I think you've done the right thing leaving him and I would have done the same thing. I would have been more forgiving if he was genuinely sorry and got very upset straight after it but he's obviously not so it just makes him more likely to think it's acceptable to do it again in the future. I wish you all the best. Stay safe :smile:

Reply 4

Muttley79

20

Original post by Anonymous

As title says my partner shook me and grabbed my neck shoved me etc in an argument.

At first he wouldn’t admit he did anything wrong eventhough i could tell he looked guilty. But then once i spoke to him after he calmed down he apologised.

Now i’ve accepted his apology but I have no intention of staying with him anymore.

My issue is i literally have nowhere else I could go to.

I couldn’t go to my family as they wouldn’t take me in and any friends I could go to i don’t want to stay at as it’s not permanent solution.

I work full time from home but salary isn’t much. Not sure what I should do? Any advice

Phone: https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/phone-the-helpline/

Reply 5

Ciel.

21

Original post by Muttley79

Phone: https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/phone-the-helpline/

i'm not the op and i don't need that kind of help (clicked out of curiosity) but it's kinda sad that they only accept women and children

Reply 6

londonmyst

19

Original post by Ciel.

i'm not the op and i don't need that kind of help (clicked out of curiosity) but it's kinda sad that they only accept women and children

Many of those receiving support at specialist women's refuge charities/grassroots groups are extremely traumatised, volatile & experiencing serious mental health issues as a result of years of criminal abuse and can get very distressed or agitated whenever around adult males.
Even to the point of turning physically aggressive or verbally hostile.

Reply 7

Ciel.

21

Original post by londonmyst

Many of those receiving support at specialist women's refuge charities/grassroots groups are extremely traumatised, volatile & experiencing serious mental health issues as a result of years of criminal abuse and can get very distressed or agitated whenever around adult males.
Even to the point of turning physically aggressive or verbally hostile.

i get that but it's not like they would have to share rooms/space with them
i guess the main reason is that the ratio is of male victims is so low it's just not worth it

Reply 8

NonIndigenous

20

Original post by londonmyst

Many of those receiving support at specialist women's refuge charities/grassroots groups are extremely traumatised, volatile & experiencing serious mental health issues as a result of years of criminal abuse and can get very distressed or agitated whenever around adult males.
Even to the point of turning physically aggressive or verbally hostile.

You also don't get over trauma by avoiding it for the rest of your life.

There are reports coming out of some women's shelters that some of them are turning into feminazi echo-chambers. Now, I'll take anything like that with a pinch of salt, but it isn't a stretch to imagine either if you exclude men from these spaces entirely.

What happens when you segregate white and black people? Racism happens.

This isn't much different. I've been around those types of men too. We call them incels. And I'm not sympathetic towards any of these kinds of people, no matter the gender or race.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 9

londonmyst

19

Original post by Ciel.

i get that but it's not like they would have to share rooms/space with them
i guess the main reason is that the ratio is of male victims is so low it's just not worth it

There are also some specialist refuge services that are male only.
More and more male domestic abuse victims are seeking support, all sexual orientations & a range of social backgrounds.

Reply 10

Ciel.

21

Original post by londonmyst

There are also some specialist refuge services that are male only.
More and more male domestic abuse victims are seeking support, all sexual orientations & a range of social backgrounds.

i see, i didn't know that

Reply 11

londonmyst

19

Original post by NonIndigenous

You also don't get over trauma by avoiding it for the rest of your life.

There are reports coming out of some women's shelters that some of them are turning into feminazi echo-chambers. Now, I'll take anything like that with a pinch of salt, but it isn't a stretch to imagine either if you exclude men from these spaces entirely.

This isn't much different. I've been around those types of men too. We call them incels. And I'm not sympathetic towards any of these kinds of people, no matter the gender or race.

Most don't attempt avoidance for the rest of their lives, it's mostly in the short to medium term while they are recovering.
The majority of the male rape survivors I've helped support over the years have been in a very similar state; extremely traumatised, volatile and experiencing serious mental health issues.
During the first few weeks & months almost guaranteed to turn very physically aggressive or verbally abusive towards any adult male that came anywhere near them.
Some struggled to cope with being in the same room as my friend's very tall 9 year old brother, then got very ashamed and apologised when they realised that he was a primary school child even more scared of them then they were of him.

There are some all female support services that are run by extremely vocal radfems who do view all males/most heterosexual males as brutal misogynist predators forever looking for a helpless female to torment and seek to persuade as many other females as possible to embrace their ideology.
But they are very fringe crank groups with a miniscule membership, usually in the habit of making such foul comments that they usually scare away almost all those that they are trying to convince to see things their way.

Reply 12

doemackinnon

12

Original post by Anonymous

As title says my partner shook me and grabbed my neck shoved me etc in an argument.

At first he wouldn’t admit he did anything wrong eventhough i could tell he looked guilty. But then once i spoke to him after he calmed down he apologised.

Now i’ve accepted his apology but I have no intention of staying with him anymore.

My issue is i literally have nowhere else I could go to.

I couldn’t go to my family as they wouldn’t take me in and any friends I could go to i don’t want to stay at as it’s not permanent solution.

I work full time from home but salary isn’t much. Not sure what I should do? Any advice

Are there any womens shelters near you-just for a temporary basis? Thinking of you lovely, sending strength <3

Reply 13

Lindsey18

3

The council might be able to help, approach them as soon as possible, social services.

Otherwise make plans to get out asap. Otherwise you live in fear by been scared of upsetting him, or it will probably happen again at some point. The affect on your health isnt just physical.

I had to deal with an abusive situation, and slept rough for a while, dont regret it.

partner hit me i have nowhere to go

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