depressed boyfriend

Hi guys this is kind of for help but also to get it off my chest. My boyfriend has not been doing well mentally.
Before he met me he was in a really bad depressive mode, like really really depressed and when he met me he got a lot better.
Now slowly he over time has been getting worse and worse which makes sense because the effect cant last forever. I met him in the summer also so there wasnt the stresses of school.
He now goes to a really strict school where he gets like 5 homeworks due in a day, has really depressed friends around him too and finds everything difficult to do. He takes ADHD medication which also dont really help his depression and he has a lot of past things which factor into it. In the last four weeks hes been feeling continuously depressed every single day and it is so tiring for him, he finds it difficult to do work ( he still has good grades tho), he finds it difficult to make an effort in anything even just getting up really and doing things. He has still never lost the effort to take care of me and show me love and i am so grateful for that and thats what i love him so much for. Even when he is really sad he really makes sure it doesnt affect me too much and tries to cheer me up over the little worries i have. He is such a beautiful person and is so caring and I could not ask for anyone better . We have been dating for 9 months now and hes never failed to be the best boyfriend ever.
Anyway thats not the point. I dont know what to do and he doesnt know what to do. Hes going to try change adhd medication in the summer as well as a possibility. But like now what do we do. He really feels like he cannot get professional help he just physically cannot. Its hard for him to talk to doctors because his parents are doctors and will see his data. We really need help we dont know what to do and hes just been getting worse and worse and worse. It is so painful to watch it from the side, to see how much hes suffering.
Please some help

Reply 1

EarlyGrey

I'm so sorry you're both going through this, it hurts to see a loved one struggle with their mental health. :frown:

When you say he physically cannot get professional help, what do you mean? Is there no way that he could contact somebody from home? There are a lot of support groups and professionals that can take voice or video calls, not just physical appointments if this is something that could help. Failing that, self-help like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - it's not as complicated as it sounds) can be really successful for some people.

Just let him know you're there always, you care and are there to listen. Encourage him to exercise - even if just going outside for a walk each day - as this will definitely help. As will trying to focus on a balanced diet (aiming for his 5-a-day should help). These all seem like massive tasks at first, but every marathon starts with a single step!

What I've personally found helpful also is using a gratitude journal (this kind of falls into the CBT realm but it's really simple and easy to start). This might seem pointless, irritating and a waste of time at first, but try and get him to persevere even if just for 2 weeks. It made a huge difference for me, and helped 'rewire' my brain to focus on positive things instead of negative. All it takes is 5 minutes each morning and it helps to set up a positive start for the day. Setting a goal for the day, even if something as simple as making the bed, or brushing your teeth, also provides that positive start because it's something he can accomplish early on and give that little encouraging boost.
Limiting social media & screen time as well might be something to consider.

I know that's a lot of information but overall, please take care of yourself - having a loved one with depression can take its toll on us as well. :suith: