needy boyfriend

ive been dating this guy for almost 5 months now and at first everything was normal but now ive just started to fall in a sort of funk i guess. everytime i seem like im not giving my attention to him, he'll ask me for my phone and go through all of me and my friends messages and every social media app. like yeah normally in some relationships ofc youd trust your partner with your phone but i just feel like i cant have anything to myself. the one time he asked to see my phone and i said no he pouted and ran out of the house. am i the only one who thinks its dramatic? and he'll just interrupt a perfectly good and happy conversation with "do you still love me?" and ruin the whole mood. im not trying to offend anybody whos like this or defends it, but he's so insecure now as well. he makes me block every guy mostly and i cant even talk to them in school. if im on lets say tiktok and a guy responds to my comment, not even trying to be "friendly", he'll tell me to block him. he'll assume that i dont love him anymore if i dont say i love you back (context for that, i physically havent been able to say i love you to my family, friends, or past boyfriends for years now.) and i feel like a mother to him because every little action i make effects his mood. am i just a bad girlfriend or do i feel differently about him ???? idk anymore

Reply 1

SagaciousSag

20

Leave the relationship. He’s obviously not ready to be in one.

Reply 2

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Easy one, break up.

you are not a bad girlfriend at all. What he is asking of you is completely unreasonable, and he is forcing you to deal with his insecurities in the most ridiculous way rather than just talking to you about it.

Original post by SagaciousSag

He’s obviously not ready to be in one.

unless you guys are quite literally in year 6, I don't see why you have to put up with him acting like a toddler. You can talk to him about it, maybe ask why he feels like you don't love him or trust him enough. Maybe he needs more reassurance. But don't let him dump on you and do not become his therapist who is there to pick up the pieces if it is ruining your happiness. Don't let him guilt-trip you because you are entitled to your own boundaries.

Reply 4

Miss Paige

8

Original post by Anonymous

ive been dating this guy for almost 5 months now and at first everything was normal but now ive just started to fall in a sort of funk i guess. everytime i seem like im not giving my attention to him, he'll ask me for my phone and go through all of me and my friends messages and every social media app. like yeah normally in some relationships ofc youd trust your partner with your phone but i just feel like i cant have anything to myself. the one time he asked to see my phone and i said no he pouted and ran out of the house. am i the only one who thinks its dramatic? and he'll just interrupt a perfectly good and happy conversation with "do you still love me?" and ruin the whole mood. im not trying to offend anybody whos like this or defends it, but he's so insecure now as well. he makes me block every guy mostly and i cant even talk to them in school. if im on lets say tiktok and a guy responds to my comment, not even trying to be "friendly", he'll tell me to block him. he'll assume that i dont love him anymore if i dont say i love you back (context for that, i physically havent been able to say i love you to my family, friends, or past boyfriends for years now.) and i feel like a mother to him because every little action i make effects his mood. am i just a bad girlfriend or do i feel differently about him ???? idk anymore

**** easy solution is break up

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

16

Next time he asks you "Do you love me?" which should be about 10 minutes after you read this, say to him:
"Well... What are you doing to increase or maintain my love in you? And what are you doing to decrease my love in you?"

See what sort of a response he gives you. If he goes into instant emotional breakdown, there's nothing you can do.
If he comes out with some nonsense where he claims that his insecure and controlling behaviour increases your love in him, you can correct him on that notion.
If he says something like "I gave you flowers" - IE doesn't recognise that his insecure and controlling behaviour decreases your love in him, you can move the conversation into discussing that.

Having given him this feedback about how his behaviour is killing your relationship, it's up to you if you dump him there and then. Or give him one chance to correct his behaviour. It's unlikely that he will change. I'd say give him a month to change and dump him if he doesn't.

Reply 6

DedBread

8

Original post by Anonymous

ive been dating this guy for almost 5 months now and at first everything was normal but now ive just started to fall in a sort of funk i guess. everytime i seem like im not giving my attention to him, he'll ask me for my phone and go through all of me and my friends messages and every social media app. like yeah normally in some relationships ofc youd trust your partner with your phone but i just feel like i cant have anything to myself. the one time he asked to see my phone and i said no he pouted and ran out of the house. am i the only one who thinks its dramatic? and he'll just interrupt a perfectly good and happy conversation with "do you still love me?" and ruin the whole mood. im not trying to offend anybody whos like this or defends it, but he's so insecure now as well. he makes me block every guy mostly and i cant even talk to them in school. if im on lets say tiktok and a guy responds to my comment, not even trying to be "friendly", he'll tell me to block him. he'll assume that i dont love him anymore if i dont say i love you back (context for that, i physically havent been able to say i love you to my family, friends, or past boyfriends for years now.) and i feel like a mother to him because every little action i make effects his mood. am i just a bad girlfriend or do i feel differently about him ???? idk anymore

It's not worth being in that kind of relationship it'll drain you too much and you'll lose sight of yourself. I was in the same position a year ago and as soon as I ended it I immediately felt a weight being lifted off my chest and I definitely do not regret it. Yes, it was difficult and took me a while to get over, but it was the best decision I could've made about the situation for my mental health. In doing so, hopefully, he should learn to be more self-sufficient and maybe he'll improve from it. However, regardless of that, you shouldn't have to feel as though you are held down, responsible for or restricted by someone you're meant to love, that's not healthy.

So as a person who knows what it is like, end it as soon as possible, don't drag it out - that's what I did because I didn't know how to tell him and it made everything so much more difficult to end and deal with, during and afterwards.

needy boyfriend

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