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He is acting hot and cold, I don't get him .Please Help

There is a boy with whom I am in the same class. He only talks to me when we are alone. I catch him looking at me all the time. He also looks at all my stories, but he likes one of the three photos I've shared.
Whenever I talk to other male classmates,he zeroes in on conversation.His facial expressions make it very clear.
Whenever I'm with him and a friend, he points to other girls and says how beautiful this girl is. I usually don't comment because we're not very close.
We were chatting a lot for a while, but then he suddenly stopped greeting me, ignoring me when we met. He's always looking at his phone when he's with me, but when I'm not, I catch him looking at me. It's disrespectful to me not to greet or ignore someone you know, and I can never stand to be disrespected, so I stopped greeting him too. After that, he started to have conversations with me again. He is constantly acting hot and cold. He always helps me when there is a group project.He is confident but not very talkative, usually quiet and likes to hang out on his own.

Although I don't usually wear revealing trousers, I wore a crop top one day. I can't forget the look he gave me; he looked very angry. I was stunned. He currently has a girlfriend( for a week) and shares explicit photos of her. I know it is a long question, but I am very confused. Does he like me or not?
If he has a girlfriend, I think when he acts cold it is because of her influence. From what you’ve said, I think he does like you. Obviously, this still makes him a piece of trash who clearly has no loyalties and you should not entertaining something like that. The possessiveness that you think is there is also a big red flag since you guys aren't close and he is acting jealous? Even if he wasn't in a relationship, he is just being rude anyways so definitely steer clear.
Original post by Magna_4
What does girlfriend for a week mean?

I meant to say it’s been about a week since he had a girlfriend.
His behaviour is certainly weird. Taking everything here on face value, he might be into you but does not want you to know. I'm not sure how old you two are, but when I was a teenager I used to try my very hardest to make sure the girls I had crushes on at different times didn't know I liked them. It was part of a fear of rejection I still have today. My thinking was 'if they think I like other girls or just aren't into them, how can they reject me?' - They still managed to. A week-long relationship isn't much, so this boy probably isn't taking it that seriously. Most people aren't fully committed until multiple weeks in, because there's no reason to be heartbroken over something so insignificant. Therefore his compliments of other people probably doesn't mean much to him.


Below I have some more specific comments on things you wrote:

"but he likes one of the three photos I've shared." - Doesn't mean much, I like the posts of all my female friends even if I'm not into them.

"but then he suddenly stopped greeting me, ignoring me when we met." - Multiple possibilities here. Perhaps you upset him intentionally or not, or he did something he felt was wrong and stopped talking to you for that reason. I've done the latter multiple times in the past.

"It's disrespectful to me not to greet or ignore someone you know, and I can never stand to be disrespected, so I stopped greeting him too. After that, he started to have conversations with me again." - I reckon he wants your attention and doesn't like being ignored by you, even if he doesn't apply the same logic to himself.

"He is confident but not very talkative, usually quiet and likes to hang out on his own." - That could explain the behaviour of the point above. It's not a perfect explanation by all means but this person is reminding me of myself in the past in many ways. I was quiet and was awkward talking to people. He may be the same.

"Although I don't usually wear revealing trousers, I wore a crop top one day. I can't forget the look he gave me; he looked very angry." - You may just have been thinking he looked angry (some people are prone to doing that, it's a psychological thing) but assuming he was he might be protective of you somewhat. I remember a time in year 8 (a scarily long time ago!) when I had a crush on this girl and she talked about wanting a tattoo when she became eighteen. I didn't want that; it didn't fit the image of her I had in my head and so I tried to persuade her not to. I haven't spoken to her for years so I'll never know if she got that tattoo but I don't care that much anyway. In year 9 there was a period where she had a personality change, going from quiet and studious to rebellious. Personally I believe it was because of me liking her disgusting her so much, although I have no proof for that.

"and shares explicit photos of her." - I'm not sure what to make of this. 'Explicit photos' can have a great range of context, type and acceptability. If you find it concerning you may want to talk about it more. What's the context of it?

(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Doomotron
His behaviour is certainly weird. Taking everything here on face value, he might be into you but does not want you to know. I'm not sure how old you two are, but when I was a teenager I used to try my very hardest to make sure the girls I had crushes on at different times didn't know I liked them. It was part of a fear of rejection I still have today. My thinking was 'if they think I like other girls or just aren't into them, how can they reject me?' - They still managed to. A week-long relationship isn't much, so this boy probably isn't taking it that seriously. Most people aren't fully committed until multiple weeks in, because there's no reason to be heartbroken over something so insignificant. Therefore his compliments of other people probably doesn't mean much to him.


Below I have some more specific comments on things you wrote:

"but he likes one of the three photos I've shared." - Doesn't mean much, I like the posts of all my female friends even if I'm not into them.
"but then he suddenly stopped greeting me, ignoring me when we met." - Multiple possibilities here. Perhaps you upset him intentionally or not, or he did something he felt was wrong and stopped talking to you for that reason. I've done the latter multiple times in the past.
"It's disrespectful to me not to greet or ignore someone you know, and I can never stand to be disrespected, so I stopped greeting him too. After that, he started to have conversations with me again." - I reckon he wants your attention and doesn't like being ignored by you, even if he doesn't apply the same logic to himself.
"He is confident but not very talkative, usually quiet and likes to hang out on his own." - That could explain the behaviour of the point above. It's not a perfect explanation by all means but this person is reminding me of myself in the past in many ways. I was quiet and was awkward talking to people. He may be the same.
"Although I don't usually wear revealing trousers, I wore a crop top one day. I can't forget the look he gave me; he looked very angry." - You may just have been thinking he looked angry (some people are prone to doing that, it's a psychological thing) but assuming he was he might be protective of you somewhat. I remember a time in year 8 (a scarily long time ago!) when I had a crush on this girl and she talked about wanting a tattoo when she became eighteen. I didn't want that; it didn't fit the image of her I had in my head and so I tried to persuade her not to. I haven't spoken to her for years so I'll never know if she got that tattoo but I don't care that much anyway. In year 9 there was a period where she had a personality change, going from quiet and studious to rebellious. Personally I believe it was because of me liking her disgusting her so much, although I have no proof for that.
"and shares explicit photos of her." - I'm not sure what to make of this. 'Explicit photos' can have a great range of context, type and acceptability. If you find it concerning you may want to talk about it more. What's the context of it?

First of all thank you for the long and detailed answer. We are both University students.I'm talking about photos where the girl's breasts or butt are almost visible, which I mean by explicit photos.I'm normally a friendly and energetic person, but I'm picky in my relationships. I want a serious relationship rather than a temporary one, so I'm not a very flirty. He is also a handsome guy and he is one of the types who knows he is handsome. Usually girls hit on him. Since we are classmates, I cannot react without certain signals, or it may cause a misunderstanding.I think, he is sulking since I didn't reciprocate his feeling or more precisely his attempts. What do you think so?
Original post by Anonymous
First of all thank you for the long and detailed answer. We are both University students.I'm talking about photos where the girl's breasts or butt are almost visible, which I mean by explicit photos.I'm normally a friendly and energetic person, but I'm picky in my relationships. I want a serious relationship rather than a temporary one, so I'm not a very flirty. He is also a handsome guy and he is one of the types who knows he is handsome. Usually girls hit on him. Since we are classmates, I cannot react without certain signals, or it may cause a misunderstanding.I think, he is sulking since I didn't reciprocate his feeling or more precisely his attempts. What do you think so?


Ignore him
Original post by Anonymous
First of all thank you for the long and detailed answer. We are both University students.I'm talking about photos where the girl's breasts or butt are almost visible, which I mean by explicit photos.I'm normally a friendly and energetic person, but I'm picky in my relationships. I want a serious relationship rather than a temporary one, so I'm not a very flirty. He is also a handsome guy and he is one of the types who knows he is handsome. Usually girls hit on him. Since we are classmates, I cannot react without certain signals, or it may cause a misunderstanding.I think, he is sulking since I didn't reciprocate his feeling or more precisely his attempts. What do you think so?

I am not a relationship expert, my only experience being a relationship in year 6 which I find to be so insignificant long-term that I don't count it as a relationship most of the time (although I do still think about it sometimes, partly because it's so far the only time a girl has actually shown interest in me), and one two years ago that was with a horrible girl I hate to think of, but even if I was I wouldn't be able to give you an exact answer. What I will say is that men who have attention from women may have their ego built up by it, and that could be an element of that here, but I'm not sure to what extent. In one of your earlier posts you said "I meant to say it’s been about a week since he had a girlfriend." Did you mean his last relationship ended a week ago or he has been in a relationship that's been going for a week so far. Depending on which one you meant my answer will change. To save time, I'll answer both ways now:

Relationship ended a week ago - Does he have many relationships? He seems to get a lot of attention from women. Depending on where he lies on the 'player scale' he might be angry that you don't seem to be interested in him, or he just wants to get with you and is playing with you a little.

Relationship has lasted a week so far - My thoughts from my first post still apply - a one-week relationship doesn't mean much.


Anyway, if you struggle to get signals he might be sending that can cause both of you to feel off about the whole thing. Both of you might be feeling the same thing; that the other just isn't interested. The question is are you interested in him? If you are, it might be worth trying to make a move on him, even if you're not keen on flirting. Talk to him more, be subtle with what you'd want in a relationship (I've done this when flirting before, it works very well as you can find out how both of you imagine a possible relationship going). If you're not into him, the good news is there's little for you to lose, but if you don't like him and he does like you, how would you react? These are questions you need to think about.

My last point to make in this post is based on what you said near the start of yours. You say you're picky in relationships and want a serious one, but that you're not very flirty. You know this man better than I do. Does he meet your standards or are you only here asking about him because you're intrigued that he may or may not be into you and want a second opinion? Don't worry if you are the latter, I've done similar things in the past and there's really no issue with it. And if the the latter does apply you might want to take a page out of Miss Paige's advice and forget about him. It's entirely possible all of this was a series of coincidences.

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