Girlfriend won’t let me touch her or initiate sex

So I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, at the start we were having sex multiple times a day, always touchy and having fun, over the past 3 months there’s been a huge decrease, to as low as once every 2 weeks or even 3 weeks, she started antidepressants back in January, everything was fine for about a month then she started to get less interested, I don’t know if it’s the antidepressants or not but thought I would state here in the post as a contributing factor, she’s not stressed from what I can tell, but some odd behaviour being, she will rarely engage in sex like I said once every few weeks, she touches me down there and fondles on the daily, but if I try to touch her she says no I don’t want to be touched there, or if I try to initiate sex she will say no I’m not feeling it, even when she’s fondling me and just playing, it’s very odd, if we were laying on the sofa she would play with me, but never leads to anything I see no sense of her getting turned on, I ask why you play with it and she said because it’s calming and likes to hold and play with it, but that’s as far as that goes, we are close at night spoon in bed every night very loving and affectionate but lacks to build up to intercourse for some reason, she says she loves me a lot we are actually engaged to marry next year, is she not sexually attracted to me anymore, or is it the antidepressants just not letting her feel arosed, or is it that over time in relationships sex does dwindle over time, I find it odd she can touch me when ever she wants but I can’t to her unless she’s really in the mood for it witch I can’t even judge when anymore as I would normally take touching me as interested, any help or advice would be great, I do so much for this girl very loving caring and give her all my time in everything we do. But seems to lack that big spark from the start. I don’t want to get insecure or feel unloved l, she shows it in many other ways everyday, from saying I love you to holding hands to kissing, but just lacks sex at the end of the day. Maybe I still have my high labido still from the start of relationship but hers drops during it, any advice on how to spice things up, or get her intrested I’ve tried dressing up nice every day, putting my smellys on lol nothing works. Very odd

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hi mate. I know that these situations can be very difficult. As you say, antidepressants can cause a change to sex drive. The fact that she is still happy to play with you is good, as she recognises that you still need attention, she just doesn't feel like she needs anything in return.

When you have different sex drives this can prove challenging in a relationship. It sounds like you are still close though. Keep talking to her about this. It may be that a blood test will show that her hormone levels are a bit off - if she is happy to discuss this with her doctor they may also be able to prescribe an alternative antidepressant. I hope it all works out for you both.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

post by Anonymous)Hi mate. I know that these situations can be very difficult. As you say, antidepressants can cause a change to sex drive. The fact that she is still happy to play with you is good, as she recognises that you still need attention, she just doesn't feel like she needs anything in return.

Thank you for quick reply yes this does makes sense and I believe what you said could very well be what’s going on here. Glad you can see we are close and makes sense not wanting anything in return as not feeling it.

When you have different sex drives this can prove challenging in a relationship. It sounds like you are still close though. Keep talking to her about this. It may be that a blood test will show that her hormone levels are a bit off - if she is happy to discuss this with her doctor they may also be able to prescribe an alternative antidepressant. I hope it all works out for you both.

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

I think the only way is to ask her, as awkward as it may be. The next time you try to initiate something and she declines…just ask if everything is okay and say that you want to be able to please her, or in a way that it’s orientated around her if that makes sense?

It definitely could be down to the anti depressants but also is she is on any birth control? Sometimes those pills can also take away your libido.

Reply 4

RyBread

Yea it’s 100% the antidepressants, they’re known to absolutely kill sex drive and sometimes that effect sticks around for the rest of your life even after you go off em. As unfortunate as it is I suggest you get used to it if she isn’t willing to switch medications

Reply 5

RyBread

Yea it’s 100% the antidepressants, they kill sex drive like nothing else and sometimes that sticks around even after you go off them. I recommend you get used to it

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Hi yes she’s on the implant birth control

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Hi yes she’s on the implant birth control

Oh this explains a lot then…this often causes low libido

Reply 8

HorrorMovie375

Yep RyBread is right. 100% anti depressants. And yeh recommendation can only be get used to it.

Reply 9

Dunnig Kruger

advice on how to spice things up
I do so much for this girl very loving caring and give her all my time in everything we do
Current theory from leading relationship coaches is that you should be a positive challenge when it comes to your time, reactions, humour. Try stopping giving her all your time in everything you do. Be more selfish with your time. Place a higher value on your time. Spend more time with other friends. Or with you throwing yourself into your hobbies or interests or studies or money earning. So that she by no means has a monopoly on your time. And so that she has to compete for your time.

Tomorrow evening, Friday. Cook her a healthy delicious meal.
Then assess whether she's up for sex or not. You'll know her well enough to do this without getting overly pushy.
If she's not up for sex with you, tell her in a positive cheerful voice something like "I can see you're not feeling it tonight. I'm off out. I'll leave you to relax after your long week." And then put on your glad rags and go out on your own, or with her if she insists on coming.

BTW, what sort of stuff does she like to eat and drink? For example do you know exactly what she ate and drank yesterday?
My betting is that there will be a lot of chicken / fish / meat / processed meat, fat, salt, refined sugar in there.

Being brutally honest, how good are you at making love with women? Many men are poor to mediocre in this department.
If you're poor to mediocre it's inevitable she will become less motivated to make love with you.

she shows it in many other ways everyday, from saying I love you to holding hands to kissing, but just lacks sex at the end of the day.
What would you prefer? And which do you think shows more love? The current situation. Or a woman that never says I love you, never holds hands, never kisses you outside the bedroom, but inside the bedroom goes at you like a sex starved nympho every time you want to make love?
Love comes in many different forms and can be expressed in many different ways. The love of some people is worth holding onto, the love of others isn't.

Dumping your girlfriend is a perfectly fine solution to the situation you are in. Although I have a feeling that you will be very reluctant to do that. In which case be aware that actions have consequences and lack of action will have consequences in this case too.

Whichever woman you are with; aim to pack as many adventures and mini adventures into your time with her as you can. Don't be the boring ******* boyfriend.