The Student Room Group

Is being a virgin and having ZERO dating/relationship experience a turn off at 22?

Hey all
Im a 22 year old male and for the whole of my life I have never had any girlfriend experience or even been on a first date. That’s not to say I have never had any chances, I was asked out only once in my whole life by one girl in year 10. However, she wasn’t my type and I didn’t think it would be fair on either of us if we did date as I would have no affection towards her.

In college I went to an almost all boy’s college as I did a trade based course. So I never had the chance to socialise with any girl.

Fast forward to 2021 when I have started uni, I felt like I had been lied too. Besides studying, I have always been told that socialising and getting girlfriends at uni would be easy. But that is further from the truth. My uni is probably very antisocial as in no one in the class or on campus is interested in forming friendships, let alone dating

My dating life hasn’t got any better at uni either. He tried clubs, bars, nothing. It’s like as if I am a plague when I put myself infront of girls.

As a 22 year old, soon to be 23 years old, I am loosing confidence and hope that I will ever have a chance to date or find a girlfriend. Lately I’ve read up on how girls prefer guys with experience and that it’s a turn off if a guy has never had any sexual experience or dating experience.

I feel like my upbringing is a lie, I’ve always been raised to respect women and to date for marriage and not to use women. However, when you see people sleeping from partner to partner, and not giving people like me a chance to date them, it makes me feel like I am a pathetic joke.

I’m not sure what to do anymore. My life has felt like a complete joke and there are times where I felt like just giving up on life completely.

What advice would you recommend for me on here, I would love to hear what everyone has to say, and why is it that it’s a turn off for someone like me at my age to not have had a girlfriend even though it’s not my choice to be like this ?

Thanks in advance for your answers, responses

Is being a virgin and having ZERO dating/relationship experience a turn off at 22?

No, but complaining about it on random internet forums is :tongue:

OK, I'll be serious now... The one thing that IS a big turn off for girls is desperation. I've noticed in your post you've said and I quote "... tried clubs, bars, nothing. it's like as if I'm a plague when I put myself in front of girls". I've no idea what you look like, but I'm willing to place a large amount of money that it's your approach and / or vibe that's putting girls off. If you hit the pub / club scene with the intention of getting girls, you're almost certainly giving off a desperate vibe to them. Maybe try changing your mindset and go out with the intention of having fun with your mates, but you'll talk to girls as & when the opportunities arise. Furthermore, they're not going to know you haven't dated or had sex unless you tell them.

Also, what sort of girls are you approaching and how do you do it? Basically, NEVER approach very large groups of girls. It may seem like rich pickings, but it often results in abuse and humiliation. Unless you're a stripper, avoid these like the plague. They will eat any man alive and s**t out the remains. The other thing about large girl groups is they're probably out celebrating something specific (e.g. a sports team, a hen-do etc.), so they're out to bond with each other and won't take kindly to horny men trying to break up their soiree. Instead, the ones who tend to be receptive to guys tend to be out in smaller groups of about 2-3. It's best if you have an equal amount of guys with you for each girl, so no one is left out.

When you see a girl you like, how do you make your move? I hope you don't grope them on the dancefloor, cause if you do... frankly, you're getting what you deserve. In fact, any kind of approach on the dancefloor is going to make you look like a sleaze-bag. The exception here is if you can actually dance (I'm talking proper dancing, to a beat, not grinding up against randoms)... even then, you're using your dancing as bait (but more on that later). The best places to approach are away from the dancefloor (e.g. queuing at the bar, the smoking area, if they're seated somewhere etc.). When you approach, no corny / cheesy chat-up lines, just a smile and a simple "hi, how's it going?" is a good enough opener.

If you really find it difficult to approach someone, then maybe you can use the wing-man strategy. This is when one person from your group goes in to talk to the girls "kamikaze"... once he's spoken to them all for a bit (and it's clear his presence is accepted), then the rest of you and your motley crew rock up, he (the wing man) introduces you all, says some endearing fact about you and gets you all talking. From my experience, there are three types of people who make the best wing-men:-

1) Someone who is naturally very confident around women (can be a player or a gentleman), as long as they are self-confident and they love the company of women
2) Someone who is gay (can be any "type" of gay person; having said that, it doesn't work if they're bi-sexual).
3) Someone who is in a happy healthy relationship with a cool, patient and understanding girlfriend.

In either case, the important thing is they need to be able to talk comfortably with girls, without coming across as too much of a sex-pest.

Although I stressed that you shouldn't approach women on the dancefloor, it can be a good place to escalate things with a girl you're already acquainted with. Talking of dancing, it's a personal belief of mine that ANYONE (without any disabilities) can double their sex-appeal by learning how to dance. You don't have to be outstanding, but just be confident on the floor. Even in the most serious hip hop / RnB clubs, it's rare to see people dancing like they're from Diversity Crew or an MTV Base video, but they know how to follow a beat; i.e. they've got rhythm (and that's all you need to impress most people). You can learn how to get it & I can give you a few pointers, if you're interested.

The other way to meet people in University is through clubs and societies. However, the best time to do this is at the beginning of the year, when there's a large number of new faces. It may be difficult to work at this point in the year, as everyone will be in their own groups. Besides, realistically if you started Uni in 2021, I'm guessing you're a finalist now?

Don't get it twisted!, a lot of girls like a guy with good manners... it's just they're probably not the sort who go on the pull at the local meat market. You can find these types in other places. having said that, there is a hook-up culture amongst young people. This is nothing new (especially in a studenty environment), but they normally grow out of it by their mid/ late 20's. Having said that, you said "...not giving people like me a chance to date them..." why should they? What makes you special? What is your USP that you feel you're "owed" a date from these girls? I think you need to take some responsibility for your situation and stop blaming your misfortunes on your upbringing, an antisocial university or girls only wanting hook-ups.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, because this victim mindset you're showing is also a turn-off (unless you meet Florence Nightingale).
a reminder of something that has always been and always will be unfair and unjust, will never change just like how earthquakes and hurricanes will never change, hence why there will always be more male wizards than female wizards
Reply 3
It matters more just to be comfortable with who you are, the good, the bad and the ugly. Know your likes and dislikes but go into the night being curious about other people and what makes them 'tick' Watch and listen. Often nightclubs are a bit of a bear pit. Make your way in the world finding your own passions and interests - and to a certain extent life is luck. But you can create your own luck by going to as many different events where you meet different people - of all IQ's and of all backgrounds. Here and abroad. Out of the blue you can find someone who is on the same wave length as you. Bingo. Or you might even find you are being hunted down by a predatory girl and before you know it you are snared (but still might not like her!!) Your girl may take the lead and initiate you into passion and mind blowing sex. Many girls would welcome you as 'low risk' for sex as you have not been exposed to the usual suspect viruses and STD's (you should still take physical protection seriously until you both know each others viral loads) So if you are comfortable explain you have never had sex. It's a bit like car mechanics. The more you know the quicker it gets!! Sex involves following instinct but better sex involves taking your time and discussing your likes, dislikes and the usual extras that make it exhilarating and fun. Talk about consent, about turn on's and how you can help your partner max out their enjoyment, fetishes, games, play etc etc But don't have a 'mission' at the start of a night - 'kiss me quick' hats usually elicit the complete opposite.
At 23 years old you are an absolute babe - Hopefully you will still be firing the rounds off in your 80's? Only 60 odd years to go at then to find that certain someone.
(edited 2 months ago)
yeah its often said that men are naturally in scarcity when it comes to women but women are naturally in abundance when it comes to men
Original post by H8Courtship217
a reminder of something that has always been and always will be unfair and unjust, will never change just like how earthquakes and hurricanes will never change, hence why there will always be more male wizards than female wizards
...Yeah, but if you're a wizard, you can work some magic :tongue: :biggrin: :cool:

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