Why are most women taken or doesnt like me?

I am a 23 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before. I graduated college about 7 months ago and I am a soon to be an MBA student and going for several classes now and i literally get crush on every pretty girl i see. Recently about 4 weeks ago, I got crush on this girl(lets call her A) and she is within 21-23 age range but I was too shy to approach but finally with the help of my friends I was able to talk to her. We talked briefly after that several times and we talked a bit again yesterday after I said Hi and we did handshake too but she is in a different classroom so we don't meet daily. But idk whether she is even single or not. One of her classmate said she is single whereas her other classmate said she probably has a boyfriend but idk. She is actually super pretty almost model like and I am not that good looking especially with my glasses which makes me look nerdy and dorky so idk whether I even have a chance with her and I often worry whether she has a bf or not.

But today something worse happened. I had crush on this another girl(lets call her G) who is also 22 or 23 and is super cute. I knew her before as she is friends with my close friend but I am too shy near girls in person. Yesterday I gave her chocolate after being super shy to give it initially but my friends helped me. Today again I was shy to approach her and my friends were cheering up to go talk to her but I was acting weird being so shy and blushing and eventually said her Hi in a shy way. Sadly a few minutes later my close friend said that she said him she has a bf. I was confused because everyone said yesterday that she was single. Just now my close friend called me and said that truth that she said she doesn't like me but didn't want to say it to me as I might feel bad. I am feeling like a loser now. I cried a bit too. G doesn't like me and A too probably might be having a bf and I sound nervous everytime I talk to her. It feels like no girls like me or they are just taken. I am not good looking enough and I am super shy and less confident to talk with girls even at 23. It feels like I will never be able to experience love or a relationship with someone as I am getting older. I feel like a weak man honestly.

Reply 1

Proxenus

21

dating as a man is very hard today with too much competition. girls litrally are talking to 3+ willies at once and ghost you once they found someone without communicating why they cut contact

Reply 2

Bean_cat

15

Reading this, I feel that you are really harsh on yourself - the way you portray yourself and how you genuinely feel are quite different, which is the root of your problem. Whilst you seem really nice and genuine in your feelings for these people - your shyness could come across as hesitant, this does not make you weak at all, but it feels like you expect these girls to know how you feel for them without trying much. You seem really considerate, well educated and respectful - these are all excellent qualities in a person and none of these make you a loser. (Glasses aren't dorky either !) Misunderstandings happen all the time when not knowing if someone is single or not - it's a very innocent mistake! You have a lot going for you so don't be so mean to yourself and rather be happy that you tried rather than having regrets. I think you should perhaps work on yourself first before pursuing a relationship to build your confidence - you have potential within you and you are still young! There is plenty of time for you to pursue a relationship - I wish you the best of luck! 🙂

Reply 3

Hero22

OP

5

Original post by Dnnatnt

Girls tell you they have boyfriends because they don't like you. It's obvious you're not handsome so they're not interested. You should accept you're not one of the attractive guys and lower your expectations. Are you interested in ugly girls with nice personality?

Shut up. I will go for whoever I want. Looks isn't everything. Stop being a bully.

Reply 4

Gazpacho.

14

That you have to get your friends to help you to talk to women is a big issue. Work on your shyness/lack of confidence and you'll find women are much more receptive to you.

Reply 5

JDINCINERATOR

21

Original post by Hero22

I am a 23 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before. I graduated college about 7 months ago and I am a soon to be an MBA student and going for several classes now and i literally get crush on every pretty girl i see. Recently about 4 weeks ago, I got crush on this girl(lets call her A) and she is within 21-23 age range but I was too shy to approach but finally with the help of my friends I was able to talk to her. We talked briefly after that several times and we talked a bit again yesterday after I said Hi and we did handshake too but she is in a different classroom so we don't meet daily. But idk whether she is even single or not. One of her classmate said she is single whereas her other classmate said she probably has a boyfriend but idk. She is actually super pretty almost model like and I am not that good looking especially with my glasses which makes me look nerdy and dorky so idk whether I even have a chance with her and I often worry whether she has a bf or not.

But today something worse happened. I had crush on this another girl(lets call her G) who is also 22 or 23 and is super cute. I knew her before as she is friends with my close friend but I am too shy near girls in person. Yesterday I gave her chocolate after being super shy to give it initially but my friends helped me. Today again I was shy to approach her and my friends were cheering up to go talk to her but I was acting weird being so shy and blushing and eventually said her Hi in a shy way. Sadly a few minutes later my close friend said that she said him she has a bf. I was confused because everyone said yesterday that she was single. Just now my close friend called me and said that truth that she said she doesn't like me but didn't want to say it to me as I might feel bad. I am feeling like a loser now. I cried a bit too. G doesn't like me and A too probably might be having a bf and I sound nervous everytime I talk to her. It feels like no girls like me or they are just taken. I am not good looking enough and I am super shy and less confident to talk with girls even at 23. It feels like I will never be able to experience love or a relationship with someone as I am getting older. I feel like a weak man honestly.

In my opinion you should stop having crushes on girls. Crushes aren't a good thing really because it makes you coy and nervous to talk to a girl-who is really just another human being you can talk to at anytime you want. People who make love out to be some secretive thing are putting themselves under a lot of pressure and stress and there's no need for it. If you like a girl say to her that you like her and try to gain a mentality where if she doesn't reciprocate or have the same feelings as you-just think fine I'll find someone else. To be brutally honest girls/women and boys/men aren't that special unless you have an emotional connection and you both care about each other equally. Yeah there are attractive women out there you want to get with, but just because they look good doesn't mean they're right for you.

Personally I think going after specific women is pointless unless the aforementioned reciprocation applies. Don't waste your time on worries about any girl, do something better with your time like improving who you are and doing what you love to do. You shouldn't be enslaved by the attractiveness of another, free yourself from these burdens and be the best you you can be-you can't be the best you by getting all worried, coy and concerned-that behaviour is for boys and teenagers not men, but I sympathize that you're in your early 20s and still have these characteristics within you, as I didn't properly grow up until my mid-late 20s, so it'll take time to adjust.

Generally I hope you become stronger and learn to not be so worried about talking to women.

Reply 6

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Hero22

I am a 23 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before. I graduated college about 7 months ago and I am a soon to be an MBA student and going for several classes now and i literally get crush on every pretty girl i see. Recently about 4 weeks ago, I got crush on this girl(lets call her A) and she is within 21-23 age range but I was too shy to approach but finally with the help of my friends I was able to talk to her. We talked briefly after that several times and we talked a bit again yesterday after I said Hi and we did handshake too but she is in a different classroom so we don't meet daily. But idk whether she is even single or not. One of her classmate said she is single whereas her other classmate said she probably has a boyfriend but idk. She is actually super pretty almost model like and I am not that good looking especially with my glasses which makes me look nerdy and dorky so idk whether I even have a chance with her and I often worry whether she has a bf or not.

Bro, I think you know what the solution to your problem is, and you just need to hear it out loud...

📣 YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SHYNESS!!! (is that loud enough for you?)

Look, I know "shyness is part of your personality / character..." yada yada yada blah blah etc. but you need to understand that shyness is at it's most detrimental to heterosexual guys. This is something women never typically understand, so they will tell you comforting lines like "Be patient and it will happen" or "you'll find the right girl". Unless you get proactive (or you have a Fairy Godmother), chances are it won't. I'll try and explain this a bit better.

In the dating world, it's the guys job to approach women. Despite the recent rise in feminism, equality "Girl Power" etc. it's still very rare for girls to approach guys. That's just the way it is, and no amount of moaning about how unfair it is on random internet forums is going to change that. If you were a shy girl (or a gay guy), then you'd have the option of taking a more passive role, while waiting for a more assertive individual to take the initiative. As a straight guy, you don't have that privilege.

If you were good looking, you might have the option of Internet dating, where girls can be more forward; but (by your own admission) you're "not that good looking especially with my glasses which make me look nerdy and dorky" so realistically, you're likely to be ignored. In online dating, having good photographs are critical to getting people to even look at your profile... so it might work out if you're willing to pay for a professional photoshoot and use those as profile photos; but even that's still very much a gamble and success isn't by any means guaranteed.

Failing all of the above, you'd be relying on some caring / understanding friends to set you up with someone they know... that may or may not happen, but it's a case fo "Do you give a man a fish or teach a man how to fish?". That's why I would urge you to tackle your shyness. It won't be easy, but (IMHO) considering the potential rewards, it's well-worth putting the effort in.

But today something worse happened. I had crush on this another girl(lets call her G) who is also 22 or 23 and is super cute. I knew her before as she is friends with my close friend but I am too shy near girls in person. Yesterday I gave her chocolate after being super shy to give it initially but my friends helped me. Today again I was shy to approach her and my friends were cheering up to go talk to her but I was acting weird being so shy and blushing and eventually said her Hi in a shy way. Sadly a few minutes later my close friend said that she said him she has a bf. I was confused because everyone said yesterday that she was single. Just now my close friend called me and said that truth that she said she doesn't like me but didn't want to say it to me as I might feel bad. I am feeling like a loser now. I cried a bit too. G doesn't like me and A too probably might be having a bf and I sound nervous everytime I talk to her. It feels like no girls like me or they are just taken. I am not good looking enough and I am super shy and less confident to talk with girls even at 23. It feels like I will never be able to experience love or a relationship with someone as I am getting older. I feel like a weak man honestly.

*shakes head* 🤦

Mate mate mate...

There's so many shades of wrong here, seriously, you need to snap out of this. Time for another pep-talk:-

For the love of God, PLEASE stop putting pretty girls on a pedestal. This is a basic mistake most so-called "nice guys" do, and it's incredibly off-putting (it comes across as desperate and disingenuous). Remember all girls (yes, even the very pretty ones) are ordinary human beings with all their quirks and faults. Remember they all still p:ss, s**t and fart, like everyone else. It's cringey to buy random gifts for girls you fancy (chocolate or otherwise... unless it's her birthday); again this wreaks of desperation... save this for when you're actually dating her.

A trick to help you get over your shyness / nerves in the first instance may be to let go of the whole, "She's soooo hot, I really want her to be my girlfriend" (or whatever) mindset, and approach with the thought, "She looks like an interesting person, let's find out her story" (after all you're only drawn to her looks, her personality may be repulsive, for all you know). In the right surroundings, most girls are happy for guys to chat to them (provided you're not being weird or "creepy"). Don't approach if she looks occupied (e.g. headphones on, talking to someone, reading a book etc.), and don't sneak up on her... approach in her line of sight, and you can probably gauge from her reaction whether your approach is welcome or not.

When you talk to her, don't bother with cheesy chat up lines, or giving it the big "I AM..." I find a simple smile and a "Hey, how's it going?" works fine. If she's not interested in chatting, she'll give a very quick response and turn her attention away from you. If she's up for talking, her response will be a bit more "wordy" and she'll look at you for a second (that's your queue to say something else, dumbass :wink:

). Girls love to talk about themselves and their "oh-so interesting lives" to any fool who'll listen, so pay attention to whatever she's saying, and build on it.

If she opens with something like "My boyfriend's over there", then it's a polite way of telling you to leave her alone; respect her wishes and move on. If, when talking she says something like "Yeah, me and my boyfriend sometimes..." then she's letting you know she's not interested, but she's happy to chat to you for a bit on a purely social basis. Either carry on chatting as a decent friendly guy, or if you CBA then make your excuses and leave.

On the other hand, if you've been chatting for a fair while (say at least 5-10 mins) and she still hasn't mentioned a boyfriend, then you can probably take it as red that she's interested. Nonetheless, if you want to be ABSOLUTELY sure, then steer the convo towards social things (in general) and when appropriate say something like "Oh really, I bet your fella loves that". If she has a boyfriend, then she'll either agree or disagree as appropriate. However, if she's single, she'll then have to explicitly say that she's single. If she doesn't immediately follow it up with how great it is to be single or a relationship would be a bad move, then you can pretty much take that as a Green Light. It's also worth remembering that if she was only being polite, you've just given her the perfect opportunity for her to "invent" a boyfriend to get rid of you.

There you go... it's not rocket science is it :tongue:

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 7

Dnnatnt

6

Original post by Hero22

Shut up. I will go for whoever I want. Looks isn't everything. Stop being a bully.

You asked, if you don't like what people answer don't ask. You're not interested in ugly girls, so why should beautiful girls be interested in you? You say looks are not everything, then prove it and date ugly girls. The hypocrisy of some guys is out of this world

Reply 8

Old Skool Freak

20

Girls tell you they have boyfriends because they don't like you. It's obvious you're not handsome so they're not interested. You should accept you're not one of the attractive guys and lower your expectations. Are you interested in ugly girls with nice personality?

Original post by Hero22

Shut up. I will go for whoever I want. Looks isn't everything. Stop being a bully.

Look, if you really want to get a girlfriend, maybe you should stop being so defensive and actually take peoples advice on board. Perhaps they could have worded their post a bit more tactful, but I think this Dnnatnt person makes a fair and valid point. I'll try and explain:-

The two girls you've described, are clearly both very attractive. From your own words, you described one of them as, and I quote "super pretty almost model like", and the other as "22 or 23 and is super cute". The reality is that hot / desirable people (of either sex) are noticed by everyone... so they are likely to have a lot of options. For example, if these girls have the pick of the bunch, why are they going to choose someone "who is not that good looking especially with my glasses which make me look nerdy and dorky", and you also say you feel like a weak man (hey, your words, not mine) when she almost certainly has very good looking guys (who are also confident) available to her?

Dnnatnt also has a point in that most girls will say they've got a boyfriend to let guys they're not interested in them, and it's a gentle (kind?) rejection. It's the best way to get rid of unwanted attention. Basically, it's a firm enough response to say that "No means no" (cause if you pursue a girl who's taken, that officially makes you scum lol) , but it's polite enough to imply there's nothing wrong with the guy who's asking; would you rather they told you "no" because you're "nerdy and dorky"? That could trigger all sorts of adverse reactions.

You need to have realistic expectations, based on what you can bring to the table yourself. I'm not saying you have to go for the bottom of the barrel, but you need to be fully aware of what qualities you have that girls may like, rather than blindly going for supermodels. We can't all be dating the hot model types in the same way we can't all be driving in Ferraris or Rolls Royce's.

Original post by Dnnatnt

You asked, if you don't like what people answer don't ask. You're not interested in ugly girls, so why should beautiful girls be interested in you? You say looks are not everything, then prove it and date ugly girls. The hypocrisy of some guys is out of this world

I think you'll find that most people who post about this sort of stuff here just want to moan about how hard they have it, and aren't serious about (or even interested in) actually fixing their problems. Either that, or they're just looking for a "Quick-Fix"; i.e. a Fairy Godmother to wave a magic wand to miraculously fix all their dating problems. It's very rare for someone to be willing to invest in themselves to improve their prospects, Case in point, this poster hasn't responded to my post (or anyone else's here, for that matter) to follow up on any of our suggestions. He's only replied to snap back at you. What does that tell you about him?

(edited 1 year ago)

Why are most women taken or doesnt like me?

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