nice guy problem

Basically, I feel like I'm too nice, especially to people who don't deserve it. Society, and the environment where I grew up, expects me to be tough. Let me explain further. I didn't grow up in a rough neighborhood or anything, but my school has a predominantly Black and Hispanic population. Many of the guys there strive to portray a tough, gangsta image, although not all the time. I, on the other hand, am the opposite of those guys.

There was this girl I liked, and here's the thing—I couldn't bring myself to approach her because we were so different. We had different styles of dressing, different ways of speaking, and hung out with different crowds. I believe she might have had some interest in me too, but I couldn't overcome the intense male competition. Other guys saw me as a joke or believed she could do better. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt like they were deliberately trying to undermine me, waiting for my failure. It's cringe-worthy to say out loud, but that's genuinely how I felt. In the end, she ended up being with someone who resembled her more, and that was the end of it. The school year concluded with me being alone, as usual.

Reply 1

JDINCINERATOR

21

Original post by Anonymous

Basically, I feel like I'm too nice, especially to people who don't deserve it. Society, and the environment where I grew up, expects me to be tough. Let me explain further. I didn't grow up in a rough neighborhood or anything, but my school has a predominantly Black and Hispanic population. Many of the guys there strive to portray a tough, gangsta image, although not all the time. I, on the other hand, am the opposite of those guys.

There was this girl I liked, and here's the thing—I couldn't bring myself to approach her because we were so different. We had different styles of dressing, different ways of speaking, and hung out with different crowds. I believe she might have had some interest in me too, but I couldn't overcome the intense male competition. Other guys saw me as a joke or believed she could do better. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt like they were deliberately trying to undermine me, waiting for my failure. It's cringe-worthy to say out loud, but that's genuinely how I felt. In the end, she ended up being with someone who resembled her more, and that was the end of it. The school year concluded with me being alone, as usual.

Being a nice person might make you seem welcoming and lovely, the problem is being too nice can be easily manipulated and is indicative of a lack of self-respect-I should know I'm too nice! I think women want a man with a backbone who will stand up for himself and look after himself. They say nice guys finish last-and I find that to be true as well, because I don't have a sense of power and don't have many friends. Conversely, acting tough and gangster may initially seem attractive, but if you aren't really that way it'll easily be discovered at some point.

Reply 2

Surnia

20

It's not being too nice, it's being underconfident. Stop worrying about what other people think and live your life.

I'm in a long-term relationship with a guy who I would never have picked if I'd read his profile on a dating site. In common we have our job, personal values, a sense of humour and not a great deal else in the way of hobbies; it works!

Reply 3

Katerina S.

10

Original post by Anonymous

Basically, I feel like I'm too nice, especially to people who don't deserve it. Society, and the environment where I grew up, expects me to be tough. Let me explain further. I didn't grow up in a rough neighborhood or anything, but my school has a predominantly Black and Hispanic population. Many of the guys there strive to portray a tough, gangsta image, although not all the time. I, on the other hand, am the opposite of those guys.

There was this girl I liked, and here's the thing—I couldn't bring myself to approach her because we were so different. We had different styles of dressing, different ways of speaking, and hung out with different crowds. I believe she might have had some interest in me too, but I couldn't overcome the intense male competition. Other guys saw me as a joke or believed she could do better. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt like they were deliberately trying to undermine me, waiting for my failure. It's cringe-worthy to say out loud, but that's genuinely how I felt. In the end, she ended up being with someone who resembled her more, and that was the end of it. The school year concluded with me being alone, as usual.

Chill out until you leave school, then go to somewhere that suits you better. I assume you are in the US and that's a big country so many places to look for that may suit you better. No point going up against the same and failing time over.

A high school tutor I knew once said to my class, 'go out and find someone like you'. That was more for friends but I think is likely similar for relationships, try and find someone who is near you in who you are. No point going for a girl who isn't after the type of guy you are or to put it another way not the right product she is looking for.

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