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It depends on the guy. It is true that girls do not find 'kindness' attractive by itself. You need to have other positive and attractive attributes in order to be considered attractive. Niceness by itself is not attractive. I would argue that niceness is a baseline requirement.

You can make an easy comparison. Suppose that you have a fat short ugly 5 foot guy who plays video games in his mom's basement all day. A girl will never find this guy attractive no matter how nice they are, because they lack so many attractive qualities. Being nice will never get this guy the girl. However, compare this to a guy who is 6 foot tall, has a nice ferrari, strong jawline and six pack with lots of money and a good job with amazing social skills. He will be billion times more attractive then the first guy. He will get far more attention and positive reactions from women compared to the first guy.

I do believe that the bad boy theory is true. Girls do prefer guys who don't care about them and don't show them any attention, because not only these guys are a challenge but they also show that they are of higher value. It is all about how you perceive yourself. If you act like you're nice and suck up to her then she will think that you're below her, but if you show that you don't give a sh*t about her then she will think that you're not trying to impress her and she will see you of higher value and show you respect. Also, nice guys can't take initiative and are scared to talk to women. The phrase 'Nice guys finish last' is true because these guys wait for women to approach them, but women never approach. It's how it is. Women don't approach unless you're a god alpha male with a juicy jawline. Some nice guys need to try to take initiative, learn social skills and understand female psychology.
Original post by Anonymous
I heard this theory that if a guy is polite and kind (in general, not just to you), women do not see him as sexually attractive as someone who's more edgy/rough as a character.

Is that true for girls? being a a "bad boy" for some reason is considered ''hot''?


That's pretty much the case. Women will tell you otherwise, and then they all line up to the biggest, most violent ahole around. It has been like that since the dawn of time. It never fails :biggrin:
Reply 3
Generally speaking from my own experience girls liked it when I was being nice, without any exterior motive. But what other guys don't seem to get is being nice in order to 'get someone' is not attractive, if anything it's infuriating and borderline controlling. I am somewhat bi and I get sick of men who do this, they don't get the message and they screw up any social circle by isolating you to try and get 'what they want'. Some women seem to like men who are dim and brash, usually because they feel they have one up on them and get to be in charge. But if you're not dim and don't want to be in a controlling relationship I wouldn't recommend it.

Just socialise without any motive. Best advice I was ever given.

Original post by Anonymous
I heard this theory that if a guy is polite and kind (in general, not just to you), women do not see him as sexually attractive as someone who's more edgy/rough as a character.

Is that true for girls? being a a "bad boy" for some reason is considered ''hot''?
Honestly it depends on the girl
Personally i have never ever found the “bad boy” thing attractive one bit, in fact it was quite the opposite..
but for some reason whenever a guy shows vulnerability or genuine kindness i get very attracted to it, like for example this guy that i didn’t know at all helped me collect my papers when it fell and after he complimented my artwork. I seriously was about to ask for his number or something after that but i got too shy lol
I still don’t know his name but I’ve thought about him a lot of times since then
Original post by Anonymous
It depends on the guy. It is true that girls do not find 'kindness' attractive by itself. You need to have other positive and attractive attributes in order to be considered attractive. Niceness by itself is not attractive. I would argue that niceness is a baseline requirement.

You can make an easy comparison. Suppose that you have a fat short ugly 5 foot guy who plays video games in his mom's basement all day. A girl will never find this guy attractive no matter how nice they are, because they lack so many attractive qualities. Being nice will never get this guy the girl. However, compare this to a guy who is 6 foot tall, has a nice ferrari, strong jawline and six pack with lots of money and a good job with amazing social skills. He will be billion times more attractive then the first guy. He will get far more attention and positive reactions from women compared to the first guy.

I do believe that the bad boy theory is true. Girls do prefer guys who don't care about them and don't show them any attention, because not only these guys are a challenge but they also show that they are of higher value. It is all about how you perceive yourself. If you act like you're nice and suck up to her then she will think that you're below her, but if you show that you don't give a sh*t about her then she will think that you're not trying to impress her and she will see you of higher value and show you respect. Also, nice guys can't take initiative and are scared to talk to women. The phrase 'Nice guys finish last' is true because these guys wait for women to approach them, but women never approach. It's how it is. Women don't approach unless you're a god alpha male with a juicy jawline. Some nice guys need to try to take initiative, learn social skills and understand female psychology.


You’re so off!! At first it seemed like a good comparison but let’s be real it wont ever be between those two types of people. Most of the time it’s regular guys competing with each other.
If you’re a “bad boy” then you’ll attract bad girls, if you’re a good boy then you’ll attract good girls, simple!
If you’re a nerdy type of guy and you’re looking to attract the popular girl then it might not work, but how about that shy cute girl in your chemistry class?? That would definitely work.
But men never tend to look at the other girls who would be into them, instead they just go for who’s popular or has the best looks
I think kindness is the most attractive trait a guy can have. Hands down.

Also people who are unkind are automatically ugly af.
Original post by Anonymous
You’re so off!! At first it seemed like a good comparison but let’s be real it wont ever be between those two types of people. Most of the time it’s regular guys competing with each other.
If you’re a “bad boy” then you’ll attract bad girls, if you’re a good boy then you’ll attract good girls, simple!
If you’re a nerdy type of guy and you’re looking to attract the popular girl then it might not work, but how about that shy cute girl in your chemistry class?? That would definitely work.
But men never tend to look at the other girls who would be into them, instead they just go for who’s popular or has the best looks

I just gave an example to prove that 'niceness' by itself will not make you feel attracted to someone. You need to have something else with you. That's true for men especially. Whether it's looks, money, height, good career, great social skills. Girls rarely feel attracted to someone just because they're a doormat or will do everything for her. Social media and dating apps have made it much more difficult for guys to date because men's looks have been greatly exaggerated. This creates a very competitive dating market where most girls pursue top 20% of men and the rest struggle to get a girl because they don't look perfect. It is the girl that wants a perfect package, not the man.
I think some people are conflating 'kind' with 'meek'.
Kindness is really attractive. I mean kind to everyone, not just me.
Being kind doesn't make a man sexually unattractive to women.

Being a "nice guy" is what makes a man unattractive to women. This is the type of man who has the expectation that if he's nice to women that they owe him a date or sex. The nice guy also gets angry when his (unwanted) kind gestures aren't well received by women.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I heard this theory that if a guy is polite and kind (in general, not just to you), women do not see him as sexually attractive as someone who's more edgy/rough as a character.

Is that true for girls? being a a "bad boy" for some reason is considered ''hot''?


Kind guys are my type. Every one of my exes was a “kind guy”, and I broke up when they changed
I’m an introvert so I prefer extroverted kind guys in particular
The ‘bad boy’ trait is a bit of an exaggeration. Being ‘nice’ is the easiest way to get friendzoned, not that it’s a bad thing. THIS DOES NOT MEAN BE A ****! Just don’t be a pushover. Don’t give away your attention for free. Don’t drop anything you are doing / change yourself for a lady. At the same time, don’t do anything that could be considered hurtful to ANYONE (male, woman or other).

The ‘nice guy’ label is one for those who go out of their way to appear extra nice to try attract. It doesn’t work, because 90% of the time it is fake, and the other 10% of the time it is boring.
Original post by 1582
Being kind doesn't make a man sexually unattractive to women.

Being a "nice guy" is what makes a man unattractive to women. This is the type of man who has expectation that if he's nice to women that they owe him a date or sex. The nice guy also gets angry when his (unwanted) kind gestures aren't well received by women.

This type of nice guy is normally called 'Nice Guy TM' because they're not actually nice. They have life problems and when something doesn't go their way they turn abusive. They're manipulative and could even be criminals.

Besides when a woman says that she likes a nice guy she doesn't mean that she likes a doormat who does everything for her. When they say they want a nice guy they mean they want someone will all nice qualities including a good job, nice car, in addition to nice personality. We live in a very superficial world where personality only comes last.
Original post by Is Newton daddy?
I think kindness is the most attractive trait a guy can have. Hands down.

Also people who are unkind are automatically ugly af.


So true
I always get turned off by a guy when he has bad manners or generally unkind
Original post by Anonymous
I heard this theory that if a guy is polite and kind (in general, not just to you), women do not see him as sexually attractive as someone who's more edgy/rough as a character.

Is that true for girls? being a a "bad boy" for some reason is considered ''hot''?


don't listen to some ******ed/airheaded memes that society puts forward.
Original post by Anonymous
I heard this theory that if a guy is polite and kind (in general, not just to you), women do not see him as sexually attractive as someone who's more edgy/rough as a character.

Is that true for girls? being a a "bad boy" for some reason is considered ''hot''?

I'm going to tell you a secret: A lot of guys think being kind and polite means acting like a sexless mannequin. If you do not get someone to think of you in a sexual way, then wait 4 months to get her alone and then word-vomit out 'helloilikeyoupleasesexwithme', then it will weird them out. Because they haven't thought of you as a sexual partner for 4 months and now, this houseplant just propositioned them.

Politeness varies depending on the situation. Kindness varies on the situation. You can be polite and still be the type of guy your girlfriend trusts to throw her over your shoulder viking-style(If they're in to that sort of thing). It's not easy to navigate, and it's a complex social interaction to know what is and is not appropriate in every area, and you will make mistakes. If you're too afraid to make those mistakes, that can be a negative against you because you're afraid and fearful men are generally unattractive.

The 'Bad Boy' has false-confidence, because he just doesn't care what someone thinks and he's a dink because of it. Place him in a situation where he wants approval and he folds. If you have genuine confidence, you can still care about others feelings. You just don't let their feelings about you dictate how you act. That guy who dances like nobody's watching? Confident, even when the two 'Bad boys' in the corner snidely talk about how he looks. But he's having fun, and those two guys are just jealous. That's confidence and it's attractive.
Original post by Is Newton daddy?
I think kindness is the most attractive trait a guy can have. Hands down.

Also people who are unkind are automatically ugly af.


Yesss:u:
Reply 18
Ultimately no one wants a long term relationship with an ********. But there’s more to attractiveness than kindness and a dangerous untamed edge can be alluring, at least in the short term
Original post by ThatOldGuy
I'm going to tell you a secret: A lot of guys think being kind and polite means acting like a sexless mannequin. If you do not get someone to think of you in a sexual way, then wait 4 months to get her alone and then word-vomit out 'helloilikeyoupleasesexwithme', then it will weird them out. Because they haven't thought of you as a sexual partner for 4 months and now, this houseplant just propositioned them.

Politeness varies depending on the situation. Kindness varies on the situation. You can be polite and still be the type of guy your girlfriend trusts to throw her over your shoulder viking-style(If they're in to that sort of thing). It's not easy to navigate, and it's a complex social interaction to know what is and is not appropriate in every area, and you will make mistakes. If you're too afraid to make those mistakes, that can be a negative against you because you're afraid and fearful men are generally unattractive.

The 'Bad Boy' has false-confidence, because he just doesn't care what someone thinks and he's a dink because of it. Place him in a situation where he wants approval and he folds. If you have genuine confidence, you can still care about others feelings. You just don't let their feelings about you dictate how you act. That guy who dances like nobody's watching? Confident, even when the two 'Bad boys' in the corner snidely talk about how he looks. But he's having fun, and those two guys are just jealous. That's confidence and it's attractive.


This guy gets it!!

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