He’s stopped being intimate- what to do?

Hi! I’ve been with my partner for 9 months now & am really happy with him. We get on really well & see each other weekly along with a couple phone calls each week.

We started sleeping together quite quickly (after the 3rd date) and for the first 6/7 months it was really regular & as far as I was aware he enjoyed it as much as I did. The last 2 months haven’t been great in this area, we’ve gone from having sex 3-4 times a week (over a 2 day weekend) to hardly ever. We haven’t slept together for a month now and when I’ve tried to suggest it or ask why it’s suddenly stopped he’s made comments about suddenly feeling turned off before sex or too tired/too full up/not feeling it. I’d never want to make anyone feel any sort of pressure but the comments about feeling turned off & the sudden massive drop in how often we do it is making me feel a little self conscious!

I feel as if I crave the intimacy more than he does! I do love just watching a film and having a cuddle/holding hands but I did really enjoy the sex and am physically very attracted to him.

We are both early 20s for context…
Any tips on ways to approach this? Has anyone had a similar experience? I’m really craving this type of intimacy & am starting to wonder if he’s no longer attracted to me.

We get on well, see each other regularly and he will hold my hand unprompted & will give me a cuddle/hug/pec.

Reply 1

oceanzhu0912

Just be straight up and ask. Something along the lines of 'what's happened, is there something that changed?'. You've said that it's been 9 months now since you've been together, it's always the case that it starts off really well in the first few months and then after that, you tend to get comfortable with the other person and don't think about those other things that you did in the initial months anymore.
Maybe you can try doing something fresh when doing it so that it's something he looks forward to and want to do instead of him feeling like not in the mood. Sometimes a change can help things alot.

Reply 2

Zarek

Sex drive mismatch does rears it’s ugly head in long term relationships and is a real thing. If you don’t feel like it, it’s hard to fake it. There’s no easy answer other finding a compromise that can work for both. What you describe seems quite sudden and extreme though, I wonder if there could be a medical explanation. I think the only way is to talk about it