The Student Room Group

Struggling after a breakup

So my 'ex' broke up with me a couple of months ago now and I'm still really struggling. It came from absolutely nowhere, everything was going so great I'm still in shock. Completely heartbroken, had to unfollow him because I just kept checking. He seems to be doing great whereas I just feel awful, I can't be angry at him as he was very respectful and didn't do anything wrong which hurts even more, I think I'll always have a soft spot for him. But it's making me feel so worthless, why do these things happen to me? Why am I never good enough? I downloaded hinge the other day which was probably a bad idea, but just as a bit of a distraction and ego boost really. I'm on edge though because I know I'm going to see him on there which will break my heart even more. Just an endless cycle, I want to be over it but I don't know if I ever will be.
Reply 1
Breakups suck. Usually takes time to process everything and properly move on... so first off, just accept that the way you're feeling is totally normal and there's nothing wrong with you feeling that way and experiencing those emotions.

But also try to keep yourself busy/distracted with positive outlets, like spending time with friends/family, or even just talking with them. Are you active at all? Try to exercise or any other similar activities you enjoy like hiking, walking, biking, swimming, whatever works for you.

And nothing wrong with checking out dating sites just out of curiosity. Hopefully you don't feel a desperate need to meet someone new right away, but at the same time it's certainly true that there are lots of others out there who've gone thru similar situations and you'll be able to meet someone new when the timing is right. Just out of curiosity myself... is there anyone else you're interested in already, or is it hard to even think about that yet?
Reply 2
Original post by xxColinxx
Breakups suck. Usually takes time to process everything and properly move on... so first off, just accept that the way you're feeling is totally normal and there's nothing wrong with you feeling that way and experiencing those emotions.

But also try to keep yourself busy/distracted with positive outlets, like spending time with friends/family, or even just talking with them. Are you active at all? Try to exercise or any other similar activities you enjoy like hiking, walking, biking, swimming, whatever works for you.

And nothing wrong with checking out dating sites just out of curiosity. Hopefully you don't feel a desperate need to meet someone new right away, but at the same time it's certainly true that there are lots of others out there who've gone thru similar situations and you'll be able to meet someone new when the timing is right. Just out of curiosity myself... is there anyone else you're interested in already, or is it hard to even think about that yet?

I'm trying to keep myself busy & distracted but it's on my mind constantly, I feel like I have to just sit by myself and I'm not great company as I just want to sit and cry.

I'm trying to throw myself into exercise as I'm super self conscious so that's making me feel worse about myself.

Not really and I don't think there will be for a while honestly. Never connected with someone so well and so quickly. That I really don't think I'll find anything like that for a while. I do have a guy that I was talking to in the past pop up out of nowhere but I doubt that will go anywhere, and he knows a lot of people my ex knows so it's kinda odd.
Reply 3
Yeah... it's tough :frown:

But again just give yourself time and don't "blame" yourself for feeling sh*tty. It's normal even though it sucks.

And with something like exercise, that's awesome that you're giving that a try but don't feel like you have to do too much too soon. A little bit of activity here & there could make a BIG difference compared to none.
Reply 4
Why are you super self conscious tho? Do you mean you've always felt that way in general, or mostly after the break up? If you prefer to message me directly about any of this that's totally fine. I'm pretty new to this site and still kinda figuring out how it all works, but I like to try to give helpful advice.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
So my 'ex' broke up with me a couple of months ago now and I'm still really struggling. It came from absolutely nowhere, everything was going so great I'm still in shock. Completely heartbroken, had to unfollow him because I just kept checking. He seems to be doing great whereas I just feel awful, I can't be angry at him as he was very respectful and didn't do anything wrong which hurts even more, I think I'll always have a soft spot for him. But it's making me feel so worthless, why do these things happen to me? Why am I never good enough? I downloaded hinge the other day which was probably a bad idea, but just as a bit of a distraction and ego boost really. I'm on edge though because I know I'm going to see him on there which will break my heart even more. Just an endless cycle, I want to be over it but I don't know if I ever will be.


Remember that you are more than enough. take this time to take a look at yourself, care for things you like, give yourself some time to do things you enjoy and remember to treat yourself and put yourself first above anything else. Find new friends, find new hobbies, Breakups are hard but I'm 100% sure you will go through this.
Reply 6
Original post by xxColinxx
Why are you super self conscious tho? Do you mean you've always felt that way in general, or mostly after the break up? If you prefer to message me directly about any of this that's totally fine. I'm pretty new to this site and still kinda figuring out how it all works, but I like to try to give helpful advice.

I've always been super self conscious but more so now since the break up. Probably because he made me feel so good, went out of his way to try make me feel confident. But then I'm second guessing myself and thinking maybe if I wasn't a certain way then things wouldn't have ended? The joys of over thinking and self-deprecating.
Reply 7
Original post by Noizzerx
Remember that you are more than enough. take this time to take a look at yourself, care for things you like, give yourself some time to do things you enjoy and remember to treat yourself and put yourself first above anything else. Find new friends, find new hobbies, Breakups are hard but I'm 100% sure you will go through this.

Breakups are the absolute worst, I hate feeling this way. I don't really know where to go to find new friends, I made so many new friends through my ex which makes it harder too. I don't know what new hobbies to take up either, just feeling completely lost.
Reply 8
Original post by xxColinxx
Yeah... it's tough :frown:

But again just give yourself time and don't "blame" yourself for feeling sh*tty. It's normal even though it sucks.

And with something like exercise, that's awesome that you're giving that a try but don't feel like you have to do too much too soon. A little bit of activity here & there could make a BIG difference compared to none.

It's embarrassing how upset I am when we weren't even together for long at all. It's been a while now and I don't feel like I'm doing any better. Annoys me that he seems to be doing so fine too, when I'm heartbroken over here. I genuinely thought we might come back together but last time we spoke he never replied so that kinda shot me down I guess.
Reply 9
Some people have said some brilliant things in here and its helped me out too.

I just want to add that I know how you feel. I was in an LDR for around 18 months. The relationship was far from perfect but I really connected with my gf and we really did love eachother. Then she ended it suddenly, just before I was about to book flights to go an see her.
In retrospect, I don't believe she ever intended on us meeting, based on her behaviour throughout the relationship (and what other people have told me too), she basically used me to get some experience in dating a man. (we were both 19 btw). At first I was completely heartbroken because of how sudden it was, my self-confidence was shattered and my anxiety spiked to unbelievable levels.

I got my anxiety under control, and the deep intense emotional pain has subsided, but other than that everything is still very raw. It doesn't help that we share many mutual friends, all of whom have stopped being there for me. On top of this, she told me directly that she has found someone else 3 weeks after we broke up. That has been very in my face.

In short, yes, I know how you feel. I am so sorry you need to go through this too, breakups are the worst.

Just know one thing, (this is what I am telling myself too) it will get better. The pain will pass and one day and you will find the person who is perfect for you. Don't be scared to put yourself out there. It might not be tomorrow. But the day will come. In the meantime, work on yourself. Make you the best version of you. Make yourself happy by doing things you love. Maybe, just maybe, you will find someone who is perfect, by going out there and engaging with your hobbies and interests.

I hope you feel better soon. I'll do my best to respond quickly if you ever want a chat

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