My boyfriend upset I went to a party where boys were

Last night I had my friends birthday party and was invited alongside my other friends - ofc I was going because it’s my friends birthday. There are multiple issues to this story which I’ll keep short. I told my boyfriend the week of the party that I’ll see him around 11pm on the night of the party once I’m home - that was the plan but I contracted a kidney infection and said I’ll let you know when I’m home to which he said at 9pm “I’ll just see you tomorrow”. Great I thought I can just go home to bed.
The party isn’t my scene and kinda dragged on so I left at my set time and my boyfriend asked “is there other guys there” I went yeah she has lots of guy friends and invited her boyfriends friends to which sparked a massive arguement over me not telling him there was a bunch of guys at this party who I didn’t even know - he started getting mean saying I was playing it off as is he was forcing me to tell him who I was with at every moment - I even apologised but he kept dragging it on saying how he waited on my all day and how he doesn’t trust me etc.

I sent him the list of names of everyone who went and he replied “I don’t want a list of m***os who I don’t know” so didn’t he just prove my point?

I don’t know what to do or why he acted like this - he tried to make it seem that I would do the same if he went to a party with other girls. I wouldn’t care because I didn’t go to the party with these boys I went with my friends and he’s not understanding that. I have already explained the situation and how I felt and what went on but he didn’t listen and probably won’t listen. Any advice?

I feel like im stating the obvious but he has definitely blown the situation out of context, there really shouldn't even be a situation rlly. This just shows that he doesnt trust you and is projecting any relationship insecurities onto you, which isn't fair at all. You should be able to be around people of the opposite gender without your partner freaking out, thats just a basic part of a relationship, you haven't done anything wrong.
I'm quite ruthless with these things and my knee jerk reaction would be to end things, but I dont know how long you've been together or how serious your relationship is so thats up to you, if you want to sort it out I definitely wouldn't apologise or try to prove your loyalty. You should probably have an honest conversation asking why he doesnt trust you, his trust issues are becoming problematic and shouldn't hold you back from socialising with your friends. You should probably ask him if he does actually want to carry on in a relationship with you, and if he does he should work on his trust issues because trust is a huge part of any relationship.
But remember that the problem here is definitely him not you, and its not your responsibility to fix him. he is his own person and should be able to work on himself without being forced to. if he can't see the problem with his behaviour then that is quite a big red flag xx

you wouldn't have those issues if i was your boyfriend 🤷

Last night I had my friends birthday party and was invited alongside my other friends - ofc I was going because it’s my friends birthday. There are multiple issues to this story which I’ll keep short. I told my boyfriend the week of the party that I’ll see him around 11pm on the night of the party once I’m home - that was the plan but I contracted a kidney infection and said I’ll let you know when I’m home to which he said at 9pm “I’ll just see you tomorrow”. Great I thought I can just go home to bed.
The party isn’t my scene and kinda dragged on so I left at my set time and my boyfriend asked “is there other guys there” I went yeah she has lots of guy friends and invited her boyfriends friends to which sparked a massive arguement over me not telling him there was a bunch of guys at this party who I didn’t even know - he started getting mean saying I was playing it off as is he was forcing me to tell him who I was with at every moment - I even apologised but he kept dragging it on saying how he waited on my all day and how he doesn’t trust me etc.

I sent him the list of names of everyone who went and he replied “I don’t want a list of m***os who I don’t know” so didn’t he just prove my point?

I don’t know what to do or why he acted like this - he tried to make it seem that I would do the same if he went to a party with other girls. I wouldn’t care because I didn’t go to the party with these boys I went with my friends and he’s not understanding that. I have already explained the situation and how I felt and what went on but he didn’t listen and probably won’t listen. Any advice?

Ngl you the know the problem is I see what your bf is thinking, cause sometimes I’m the same like when my girl plays with boys online and voice chat or yk “male” friends. It kinda makes you worried or smth, I won’t say insecure cause you know she ain’t gonna cheat, but you do know that when there is so many boys there. There is a possibility they gonna try and hit on you, and because it’s a party one thing can lead to another. Like maybe you dance with a boy together thinking it’s just a “random friend” but we know what’s that guy intentions with you, that’s why we feel a bit possessive, but hey maybe he did kinda overreact, but I still feel you are missing some details. If he waited for you whole day and you come late and tell him you were at a party with a lot of boys … what else he supposed to think, where are your priorities lol? What stopped you at that party? That you forgot your bf? The boys? This is overthinking lool. But it is what it is

Overreaction on his part.

It's understandable he might be anxious if there are lots of guys at the party whom he doesn't know. But he handled it very badly.

Maybe there's other context you haven't shared? What are your friends like? Do they sleep around a lot for example? Odds are if someone has friends like that, that person is more likely to be into the same lifestyle. People influence each others' behaviors this way, a lot. It still doesn't necessarily mean that person will actually do those things, and if you've been in a relationship for whatever amount of time and spend more time with your partner than your friends, then you ought to have enough trust between you by then to outweigh any suspicions like that.

I don't know. But based on all you've said and nothing else, he's acting deranged.

My friends are all in long term relationships - they don’t sleep around/haven’t slept around. He knows this because I’ve made it clear multiple times of why I have them as close friends because they’re good influences- I have been in this relationship for 4 years and I rarely ever go out - from the age I turned 18 I’ve only been out for a night out 4-5 times and before he’s never asked to me to tell him there are guys there - nor have I ever given him any reason not to trust me - I left him on my phone whenever, he knows all my close friends etc

Then I haven't a clue what his problem is. But it's clearly his problem, not yours.

4 years is a long time. Has nothing like this has ever happened before?

He's controlling and manipulative. Ditch him.

Thanks for letting me borrow your Lamborghini the other day

There has been multiple times he’s said “you’re going to leave me/cheat on me” and whenever I say why do you think that he can never give me an answer, he has my phone passwords and can go on the phone whenever he wants, it feels as if he wants to be the only male presence in my life - I’ve done nothing to make my question my loyalty

Can you imagine yourself putting up with this for another 10 years, for example? If not... then you should stop wasting your time with this relationship. Don't be that person that wakes up at the age of 30 or 35 and realises you wasted your adult life by spending it with a tosser.

Also, some types of people who cheat, will instead try to project their behaviors onto their partner, and accuse their partner of trying to cheat instead. Or look for trivial reasons to suspect them of cheating. Could it be possible that is happening here?

Also apparently, "worse-looking" people actually tend to cheat more, as they tend to be more insecure. It's a little counter-intuitive.

I don't know anything about either of you, so am not making assumptions... I'm just giving some food for thought in case it might apply.

I just don’t know how to leave 4 years behind but nothings changing

You aren't losing the last 4 miserable years, you are gaining many years of happiness without this scumbag in your life.