The Student Room Group

Is my bf being controlling ?

Hi 👋,

I hope everyone is having a great day I'm just really struggling with some personal stuff right now and thought I really need some completely unbiased advice. So I'm 19F and my bf 20M have been dating for around a year and a half now. It's been pretty good mostly and I love how caring and kind he can be, e.g making me cups of tea for when I arrive at his house and just being very physically affectionate. However there is a large con to the pros and that's because I've realised very recently that he is showing signs of controlling behaviour. I've overlooked it for a while but essentially he is VERY funny with me having any kind of friendship with a man. ANY MAN. Which is actually quite difficult as I have a lot of hobbies that are like 95% male dominated. So naturally I find a lot of men who I get along with well. I'm pretty extroverted and don't have issues talking to anyone and everyone and although my bf is open to talking to people he hates me talking to men. It went as far as he told me it could affect the relationship if I don't cut contact but then backtracked and said he dosent want to appear controlling but that's how he feels. I feel like I can't meet up with any man friend that's not him cause he will hate me. Another thing was he told me that he wanted to go back to smoking ( something he knows I don't like ) to make it fair as I was doing something he didn't like ( having male friends ). This felt very unfair but by constant bickering I gave in. He's told a friend of his he's had to do this to COPE with me still keeping my guy friends ( some friendships going years back )

I've had to decline friendships and ghost men I've met at work etc because it makes me feel so incredibly sick to my stomach and guilty if I don't break the contact. Additionally he also broke up with me around 5 months into our relationship because he wanted to (" be a 19 year old boy ") over text message and I forgave him and we got back together within the week. So a large part of me feels like " hang on a minute I'm the one if anything , that should not trust u! " additionally he always says he's worried I'm gunna cheat on him ( I'm his first relationship so it's not like it's happened in the past ) because he feels ill realise he's not much good for me. He has a girl - friend at work who he talks about and if I bring up how it's the same thing he says no its not and I'm just being jealous. His and my own friends have also said his behaviour is odd. He also has no career drive rly and relys on me to teach him life skills , like writing emails, applying to jobs , reading about education to see if its what he wants and sometimes I feel like I'm a 2nd mum. Problem is I love him , a lot and I've been overlooking his weird behaviour for a long time. He can be so kind and generous but I guess when it's bad it's bad. Please if someone could shed some light , In a brutally honest way even. I've been thinking if that girl he works with maybe he secretly likes and that's why he's projecting he feels like I might cheat onto me ? I'm just so confused in emotional I can't see clearly. If u made it this far thankyou so much for reading , any response is appreciated xx

+ he tells me all the time that if I broke up with him his life would be over and he couldn't live without me. I've recently changed medication which has made my hormones a bit different and he told me if I break up with him because I feel different due to medication then he will hate me forever.
i have no clue but there is a thread about this sort of behaviour pinned: here is the link.
The Signs of a Controlling Relationship - The Student Room
hope this helps, and be safe
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi 👋,

I hope everyone is having a great day I'm just really struggling with some personal stuff right now and thought I really need some completely unbiased advice. So I'm 19F and my bf 20M have been dating for around a year and a half now. It's been pretty good mostly and I love how caring and kind he can be, e.g making me cups of tea for when I arrive at his house and just being very physically affectionate. However there is a large con to the pros and that's because I've realised very recently that he is showing signs of controlling behaviour. I've overlooked it for a while but essentially he is VERY funny with me having any kind of friendship with a man. ANY MAN. Which is actually quite difficult as I have a lot of hobbies that are like 95% male dominated. So naturally I find a lot of men who I get along with well. I'm pretty extroverted and don't have issues talking to anyone and everyone and although my bf is open to talking to people he hates me talking to men. It went as far as he told me it could affect the relationship if I don't cut contact but then backtracked and said he dosent want to appear controlling but that's how he feels. I feel like I can't meet up with any man friend that's not him cause he will hate me. Another thing was he told me that he wanted to go back to smoking ( something he knows I don't like ) to make it fair as I was doing something he didn't like ( having male friends ). This felt very unfair but by constant bickering I gave in. He's told a friend of his he's had to do this to COPE with me still keeping my guy friends ( some friendships going years back )

I've had to decline friendships and ghost men I've met at work etc because it makes me feel so incredibly sick to my stomach and guilty if I don't break the contact. Additionally he also broke up with me around 5 months into our relationship because he wanted to (" be a 19 year old boy ") over text message and I forgave him and we got back together within the week. So a large part of me feels like " hang on a minute I'm the one if anything , that should not trust u! " additionally he always says he's worried I'm gunna cheat on him ( I'm his first relationship so it's not like it's happened in the past ) because he feels ill realise he's not much good for me. He has a girl - friend at work who he talks about and if I bring up how it's the same thing he says no its not and I'm just being jealous. His and my own friends have also said his behaviour is odd. He also has no career drive rly and relys on me to teach him life skills , like writing emails, applying to jobs , reading about education to see if its what he wants and sometimes I feel like I'm a 2nd mum. Problem is I love him , a lot and I've been overlooking his weird behaviour for a long time. He can be so kind and generous but I guess when it's bad it's bad. Please if someone could shed some light , In a brutally honest way even. I've been thinking if that girl he works with maybe he secretly likes and that's why he's projecting he feels like I might cheat onto me ? I'm just so confused in emotional I can't see clearly. If u made it this far thankyou so much for reading , any response is appreciated xx

+ he tells me all the time that if I broke up with him his life would be over and he couldn't live without me. I've recently changed medication which has made my hormones a bit different and he told me if I break up with him because I feel different due to medication then he will hate me forever.

gurl never been in a relationship
but i kinda like this guy
and like he has red flags which my friend tells me
she says when u see something bad leave them
but i say when u see something bad in someone love them for it cuz nobody is perfect
but i will say
give yourself a boandry
men love being dominant and overprotective
cl its cute
but ur the one going through it so idk
Reply 3
It all sounds pretty wearing, I would kick him in to touch and look for someone new
(edited 6 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi 👋,

I hope everyone is having a great day I'm just really struggling with some personal stuff right now and thought I really need some completely unbiased advice. So I'm 19F and my bf 20M have been dating for around a year and a half now. It's been pretty good mostly and I love how caring and kind he can be, e.g making me cups of tea for when I arrive at his house and just being very physically affectionate. However there is a large con to the pros and that's because I've realised very recently that he is showing signs of controlling behaviour. I've overlooked it for a while but essentially he is VERY funny with me having any kind of friendship with a man. ANY MAN. Which is actually quite difficult as I have a lot of hobbies that are like 95% male dominated. So naturally I find a lot of men who I get along with well. I'm pretty extroverted and don't have issues talking to anyone and everyone and although my bf is open to talking to people he hates me talking to men. It went as far as he told me it could affect the relationship if I don't cut contact but then backtracked and said he dosent want to appear controlling but that's how he feels. I feel like I can't meet up with any man friend that's not him cause he will hate me. Another thing was he told me that he wanted to go back to smoking ( something he knows I don't like ) to make it fair as I was doing something he didn't like ( having male friends ). This felt very unfair but by constant bickering I gave in. He's told a friend of his he's had to do this to COPE with me still keeping my guy friends ( some friendships going years back )

I've had to decline friendships and ghost men I've met at work etc because it makes me feel so incredibly sick to my stomach and guilty if I don't break the contact. Additionally he also broke up with me around 5 months into our relationship because he wanted to (" be a 19 year old boy ") over text message and I forgave him and we got back together within the week. So a large part of me feels like " hang on a minute I'm the one if anything , that should not trust u! " additionally he always says he's worried I'm gunna cheat on him ( I'm his first relationship so it's not like it's happened in the past ) because he feels ill realise he's not much good for me. He has a girl - friend at work who he talks about and if I bring up how it's the same thing he says no its not and I'm just being jealous. His and my own friends have also said his behaviour is odd. He also has no career drive rly and relys on me to teach him life skills , like writing emails, applying to jobs , reading about education to see if its what he wants and sometimes I feel like I'm a 2nd mum. Problem is I love him , a lot and I've been overlooking his weird behaviour for a long time. He can be so kind and generous but I guess when it's bad it's bad. Please if someone could shed some light , In a brutally honest way even. I've been thinking if that girl he works with maybe he secretly likes and that's why he's projecting he feels like I might cheat onto me ? I'm just so confused in emotional I can't see clearly. If u made it this far thankyou so much for reading , any response is appreciated xx

+ he tells me all the time that if I broke up with him his life would be over and he couldn't live without me. I've recently changed medication which has made my hormones a bit different and he told me if I break up with him because I feel different due to medication then he will hate me forever.

gurl u ok can u reply im acc concerned abt u
Original post by Anonymous
gurl never been in a relationship
but i kinda like this guy
and like he has red flags which my friend tells me
she says when u see something bad leave them
but i say when u see something bad in someone love them for it cuz nobody is perfect
but i will say
give yourself a boandry
men love being dominant and overprotective
cl its cute
but ur the one going through it so idk

This is horrible advice, respectfully be quiet.
Original post by Anonymous
gurl u ok can u reply im acc concerned abt u

Agreed

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