The Student Room Group

Met on a dating app but he’s started following other girls

I probably already know the answer and bit of whirlwind.

I essentially met this guy on a dating app and we went on a date, it was an instant connection. He’s older, barely follows anyone on Instagram and has said he’s a very closed off person (basically done everything to reassure me I’m his sole attention).

However, we’ve only been speaking for a couple of months. There’s been no discussion or anything of what we are or what the future holds, and it’s long distance.

I’ve noticed over the last few days he’s started following one or two girls other girls on his Instagram, which is really noticeable because he’s following is so low and they’ve started following him back. From a guess, it looks like people he’s met from the dating app I was on. I’m not sure what to do about this? We aren’t exclusive, so on theory he hasn’t done anything wrong, but my ex also disrespected me in the same way and I ignored it (and later found out he was cheating). So for me it is a bit of a red flag. I know probably some people will say I shouldn’t think too deep about it, but I’m so worried about getting hurt and do I just cut it off now?
Reply 1
What's he said about it? I mean, you have talked to him before posting on TSR, right? You said yourself you are only guessing who these girls are.
Reply 2
Original post by Surnia
What's he said about it? I mean, you have talked to him before posting on TSR, right? You said yourself you are only guessing who these girls are.

No I haven’t, as I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him today. And I’ve been vulnerable in the past and said my worries, and the person turned it around on me. So whichever way, I fear I’ll lose him
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
No I haven’t, as I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him today. And I’ve been vulnerable in the past and said my worries, and the person turned it around on me. So whichever way, I fear I’ll lose him

So have you tried contacting him?
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
we’ve only been speaking for a couple of months. There’s been no discussion or anything of what we are or what the future holds ... We aren’t exclusive


you have a discussion about exclusivity or you can continue talking on a low level (until you likely part ways)
Reply 5
Original post by Surnia
So have you tried contacting him?


Yes I have I messaged him this morning but I’ve heard nothing. But he is prone to just disappearing every now and again (which again, isn’t overly reassuring)
Reply 6
Original post by HoldThisL
you have a discussion about exclusivity or you can continue talking on a low level (until you likely part ways)

That would be sensible but as most of our communication is vis message, is it too early? I think probably the best bet is just to pull back
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
That would be sensible but as most of our communication is vis message

But you said you'd been 'speaking' to him for a couple of months! So you've actually only had one good date and no real connection since. Fault on both sides if you don't bother actually talking to each other, but if you're not happy, let him know and move on.
Reply 8
Original post by Surnia
But you said you'd been 'speaking' to him for a couple of months! So you've actually only had one good date and no real connection since. Fault on both sides if you don't bother actually talking to each other, but if you're not happy, let him know and move on.


No we’ve had several dates since but yes, we obviously do communicate over message because of the distance.

He’s done nothing wrong. I just am a person that only talks to one person and is loyal in the talking stage, probably in a generation where that’s not the case. But anyway, the girl I was worried about has started liking all his pictures and commenting on them. So I’m going to stop communicating with him.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
No we’ve had several dates since but yes, we obviously do communicate over message because of the distance.

He’s done nothing wrong. I just am a person that only talks to one person and is loyal in the talking stage, probably in a generation where that’s not the case. But anyway, the girl I was worried about has started liking all his pictures and commenting on them. So I’m going to stop communicating with him.

Actually you're dating, but I don't understand why after that amount of time you haven't discussed anything with him? If you're not committed, why should he be?
Reply 10
Original post by Surnia
Actually you're dating, but I don't understand why after that amount of time you haven't discussed anything with him? If you're not committed, why should he be?


I am committed and he’s the only person I’m seeing/talking to but I never know how to bring it up in conversation?
If you aren't exclusive, not only has he not done anything wrong in theory but he hasn't even done anything wrong in practice even if we assume there's something really going on between him and those girls.

If you want to be exclusive, ask him and let him know he can't be talking to those girls if he wants you.

That's all really.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
I am committed and he’s the only person I’m seeing/talking to but I never know how to bring it up in conversation?

Communication is key in a relationship. How are you going to cope with where to live, chores, finances, careers, children, etc if you can't say "can webe exclusive?"

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