How to talk to people and have conversations

Ive never been able to hold a conversation with anyone really i think its something to do with my dyspraxia i just genuinely never have any idea of what to say

I have been trying to get better like i try and at least say hi to everyone at work and i regularly put myself in situations where i have to try and talk to people but nothing seems to work

And its even worse when ive spoken to the person before because ive already been through the “so where do you work” and “where are you from” so i’ve got nothing to ask other than what you up to and how are you

Like i met this lass a couple weeks ago and we’re mates n that but its just so awkward every time we hang out even if we’re in a group as soon as its just me and one other person i go dead quiet and have no idea what to say. And a lot of the time despite focusing really hard i start accidentally not listening and end up missing what theyve said then just nod and say yeah

I think i get in my own head and shut down anything i could say out of fear of embarrassing myself. And its easy enough people saying “just dont listen to the voice in ur head” but its not that easy i have like 1 close friend and maybe 3 or 4 other friends i really cant lose them or ill just be alone all the time i barely leave the house as it is.

I just need to get over whatever this is its effecting every part of my life now and im starting to really beat myself up over it. I cant even do simple small things like play music at work because im terrified people will think my music taste is “weird” and label me as a freak, even though they probably already have because i dont talk to anyone 😭 i know its all so irrational but when im in the moment i just blow every tiny little thing out of proportion i cant stop myself

I think im just a chronic people pleaser but its got to the point now where it feels like its something that i cant change. Like this is me, people know this is what im like so im going to have to meet the expectation.

Idk ive rambled on now if anyone has any advice please let me know i really need to sort myself out but ive just got no clue

Reply 1

charves14

Original post by Anonymous

I think the issue is you’re thinking about it too much, I’m a pretty extroverted person so it definitely comes easy to me but here’s some advice:
- keep an eye on current affairs, you can always start a convo with like “did you see the match at the weekend?” Or “have you watched this film?”, anything which begins an interaction and then you can bounce off eachother and see how the convo leads
- as the other person speaks you can nod and say things like “yeah” “ohh” “ahh”, it shows you’re listening and makes them more comfortable
- talk about yourself, maybe use like self- depreciating humour or talk about what you’ve been up to lately, it’s all about giving the other person something to fall back on
- don’t overthink it! I know it’s easier said than done, but I can assure you the majority of people don’t think about what they say beforehand, let alone afterwards. even if you were to say something embarassing it’ll only go two ways, either they’ll laugh with you and you’ll have a joke about it, or 90% of the time they’ll forget about it as soon as the conversation is over
- if you’re at work you can always begin a conversation with like “how do you do xyz” “did you do that training?”, if you start w a question it’s a lot easier

hope this is helpful