Pretending to cope in festivals

Hi .hoe do you pretend to cope during festivals or maintain it.. It's Diwali and while i like lighting candles decorating i hate the socialisation stuff in temple, feel pressured to go and 'be there ' from parents temple people etc... I don't fit in there anyway because of my development delay and feel conscious and everythibg! But how I'm so upset! My aunt passed away in horrible situation close to Diwali time (2020- covid year), didn't get to say bye either and she was like a much older of me, bit nervous but she always used to sit in this one seat at the temple, i used to sit with her and whenever I felt lost just gave me company shre get food like somasas and share that with me etc how do you move on . I go temple and just constantly searching for her.i can't cope!