Girl in my friend group is spreading lies & is suddenly nasty. What should I do?

Hey guys! I really need some help right now. I actually don’t even want to go in on Monday because of this. It’s so childish but it’s making me stressed.

So I’ve just started college, and I’ve sort of ended up in a big friend group. Me and this girl Allison were the first to meet each other, but we soon made friends with four other people, which gradually increased to ten. Five of us regularly do lunch together, including me and Allison. Me and her have always gotten along, even though sometimes I dislike her, since she regularly talks nastily about people behind their back, but is amiable to their face. She also harasses boys, calling out at them and embarrassing our whole friend group, and then wondering why men don’t want a serious relationship. I mostly stayed friends with her because most other people like her, and I felt sorry for her. (She’s also had a history of fabricating stories and lying compulsively). She used to call me a show-off and a know-it-all, just because I got good grades and tried to participate in group work. I’ve tried to be quieter since.
But the other day, she switched up on me. She randomly approached some guy and started screaming at him. I asked her why she was shouting, because earlier that day, she’d called somebody a **** in town for no reason. She flipped out at me, thinking I was being nasty when I was just like wtf?! Because in the real world, you don’t scream at people randomly.

Anyway, I apologised even tho I wasn’t sure what I did wrong. She refused to talk properly, and then started spreading lies saying I was rude and I had been mean (it was playful banter on our first week of college, and I didn’t realise she was so sensitive. I’ve apologised & never did it again; she assured me she’d forgiven me), even tho every time I do something nice with myself, other people
compliment me, and she tries to insult me. She then told me I had “to face the consequences of my actions” because I’d down “this (whatever this meant) one too many times.” She told me we were no longer friends, and to walk away. She was talking down to me, so in a moment of frustration I told her that if this is a big deal to her, in the real world she’ll have no hope. I said I thought it was childish.

She’s now spreading lies about me, and chatting **** with some of our friends. It’s nasty because she’s too coward to even talk to me. She’s ignoring me, and it’s awkward. It makes me feel like everyone hates me, and it makes me not want to go into college. A lot of my friends are still talking to me, but it’s awkward cuz they’ll go to talk to her too.

Tldr; girl switched up on me randomly, is now talking **** to all of our friends and is too coward to talk to me. I don’t want to go into college because of it.

(edited 5 months ago)

Reply 1

user2813

honestly don’t speak to her again, her character makes her difficult to deal with, are you comfortable with your own company ?

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

What's all this about you trying to be quieter, just cos someone said you were a show off and a know it all?
Can you see how stupid that is?
Don't, just don't. Never modify yourself in a negative way, just because of what someone has said.
Have a much higher opinion of your own opinions.

And what's all this about you apologising for asking her why she was screaming?
It was a legitimate question.
Maintain your own frame. Don't get sucked into the frame of other people. Especially when your frame was a positive one and their frame is a negative one.

This is all about being assertive. You behaving and talking according to your own standards.
You're nearly an adult now. Your time for being pushed around by others is over.

If you can see that this girl is a two-faced, lying, exaggerating drama queen, then other people will see that too.

My older brother has a great technique for situations where someone is ****ging him off. He will agree with it and couch it in terms that defuses and takes the wind out of the situation. EG she says you're rude and mean. You say "Yeah I did ask her why she was screaming at Joe in the corridor." (said with a little smile and a shrug). Or on Monday you could go round saying "On Thursday I asked Trudy why she was shouting at Joe in the corridor. (roll your eyes and smile) You should have seen her reaction!..."

If you were to get the reputation as being the rude, mean, ice maiden of your college, that's not such a bad tag to have. You could play up to it and have fun with it. Being a show-off know-it-all would be fine tag to have too, if backed up by A*'s in your exams. Right now you should be feeling motivated to demonstrate that you're not just an empty vessel and you can back up your knowledge with exam results.

One thing to bear in mind is that in life you will always come across people that will hate you. Almost always the hate will be down to a fault with them.
When this happens remind yourself that there are enough people that like or love you. And that it's the likers and lovers that you will spend most of your time with. And the haters that you will have almost nothing to do with.

Go in on Monday and hold your head up high.