Should I date this man again?

I'm a PhD student (35) at a university. I came in contact with the ethics officer (hes now 47 years old) at my university in 2019 when I worked in the office briefly as well with ethics approval regarding my thesis. He always seemed very helpful and friendly and I liked him as a person. He also helped me a lot by sending events related stuff and for many things regarding my research.

However, after I finished my thesis, I met up with him because I wanted to work in the research office again and he kept saying he was looking for am assistant for himself. We made plans and I met up with him and he was saying nice things to me like one day I will be the Head of the Research at the university etc. We exchanged numbers and he also took me out with him. Later on, we hooked up as well and began texting a lot. He would come over to my house and we sexted the entire day. He would send nudes of himself or pictures without shirt and I also sent bikini photos. I didn't send full nudes. He also has a cat and he would regularly send pictures of his act, of himself, older pictures of himself ( his hairline is extremely receded and he has a bald patch so he only takes photos from his eyes onwards). We weren't a couple but we were "something".

This went on for 2 months until he suddenly stopped replying to me. He began showing disinterest in my texts and completely stopped replying to my texts. I texted him so many times but he wouldn't respond to any even though he was coming online a lot.

I was so stressed and anxious that he wasn't replying to my texts so I went to the research office looking for him. He wasn't in the office that day. I met his colleagues and told them if he still works in this department and how I have been texting him but he's not responding. Later on that day, I texted him threatening him that I went to his office and I will go again and tell them everything and he finally replied saying he didn't see my messages ( LYING), how our relationship is only professional and how there is no vacancy for an assistant due to toxic work culture. I stopped texting him after that. Turns out there wasn't any assistant and he was just spreading this nonsense to bait me to show interest in him.

I also found out that he was showing interest in another girl who worked in the office and had started texting and meeting her hence he stopped texting me.
However, he has continued to send me and 2 other students career related events newsletters even after this fiasco.

4 months later, he texted me saying how I can apply for a fellowship and was sending pictures of his cat. He also started saying that he would like to meet up outside of work and on two Saturdays he came to meet me at the university. Even saying sorry to me.

I was suspicious so I asked one of my friends who is good friend with his colleague and she told me that that girl he had been texting and meeting left the job as well as the country and it will be a few months until he comes back. She also told me that the girl had told her that he was always trying to sext with her, send the same racy pics of himself and cat and eventually got bored because she isn't here physically so now he's stopped texting her and that is why he is looking to rekindle things with me.

That girl is also young (early 30s) . I have noticed a pattern with him that he only talks to women who are significantly younger than him and only talks about hot legs, hot ass and he also used to send me gifs of characters kissing ass etc. He also demeans a lot of people calling them ugly.

I don't know what to do. Should I continue to meet him since he's stopped texting her and resumed interest in me?

no you deserve someone who is only interested in you and is only talking to you

But he's now talking to me again?

Hi there
With all those things that you wrote about him, are you sure you would be OK talking/dating someone like that?

What do you think of him?
He's stopped talking to the girl too

Re read the post you wrote. Read the parts where you described him and his actions towards people
Are you sure you want to be with him?

But he stopped talking to her after talking to her for 2 months in her physical absence everyday and reached out to me so that means something?

I'm a PhD student (35) at a university. I came in contact with the ethics officer (hes now 47 years old) at my university in 2019 when I worked in the office briefly as well with ethics approval regarding my thesis. He always seemed very helpful and friendly and I liked him as a person. He also helped me a lot by sending events related stuff and for many things regarding my research.

However, after I finished my thesis, I met up with him because I wanted to work in the research office again and he kept saying he was looking for am assistant for himself. We made plans and I met up with him and he was saying nice things to me like one day I will be the Head of the Research at the university etc. We exchanged numbers and he also took me out with him. Later on, we hooked up as well and began texting a lot. He would come over to my house and we sexted the entire day. He would send nudes of himself or pictures without shirt and I also sent bikini photos. I didn't send full nudes. He also has a cat and he would regularly send pictures of his act, of himself, older pictures of himself ( his hairline is extremely receded and he has a bald patch so he only takes photos from his eyes onwards). We weren't a couple but we were "something".

This went on for 2 months until he suddenly stopped replying to me. He began showing disinterest in my texts and completely stopped replying to my texts. I texted him so many times but he wouldn't respond to any even though he was coming online a lot.

I was so stressed and anxious that he wasn't replying to my texts so I went to the research office looking for him. He wasn't in the office that day. I met his colleagues and told them if he still works in this department and how I have been texting him but he's not responding. Later on that day, I texted him threatening him that I went to his office and I will go again and tell them everything and he finally replied saying he didn't see my messages ( LYING), how our relationship is only professional and how there is no vacancy for an assistant due to toxic work culture. I stopped texting him after that. Turns out there wasn't any assistant and he was just spreading this nonsense to bait me to show interest in him.

I also found out that he was showing interest in another girl who worked in the office and had started texting and meeting her hence he stopped texting me.
However, he has continued to send me and 2 other students career related events newsletters even after this fiasco.

4 months later, he texted me saying how I can apply for a fellowship and was sending pictures of his cat. He also started saying that he would like to meet up outside of work and on two Saturdays he came to meet me at the university. Even saying sorry to me.

I was suspicious so I asked one of my friends who is good friend with his colleague and she told me that that girl he had been texting and meeting left the job as well as the country and it will be a few months until he comes back. She also told me that the girl had told her that he was always trying to sext with her, send the same racy pics of himself and cat and eventually got bored because she isn't here physically so now he's stopped texting her and that is why he is looking to rekindle things with me.

That girl is also young (early 30s) . I have noticed a pattern with him that he only talks to women who are significantly younger than him and only talks about hot legs, hot ass and he also used to send me gifs of characters kissing ass etc. He also demeans a lot of people calling them ugly.

I don't know what to do. Should I continue to meet him since he's stopped texting her and resumed interest in me?

Hello,
This post reminds me of the saying:
People ask for advice when they want approval of a decision they have already taken, which deep down they know is wrong.
Can you imagine yourself telling your younger sister or daughter to continue dating this man?
Deep down you know dating this man again is wrong, but you want to do it, and hope to get validation from this forum.
Perhaps, some people might give you the validation you need. But I will tell you bluntly, but out of care for you, if you date this man again you will be used, dumped and you will HURT again much more.
Do not do it!

"People ask for advice when they want approval of a decision they have already taken, which deep down they know is wrong"
Well said. PRSOM.
Fully agree with CamHistPhD. OP, seems like guy abused his position to take you for a spin - do not allow him to do the same thing again. Personally I wouldn't go near someone like that with a 10foot pole, even if I was looking for something casual. Someone who abuses their position and has also lied to you has no intentions of taking you seriously - if that were the case they would have made their intentions clear to you from the start. Also, 2 months and describing your (relationship?) as "something" is wild. At that point you both should have been clear on whether this was a casual hookup thing or potential to be something more serious, in my opinion.
From the way you have described your (once) ethics officer, he seems like a narcissist. Cannot come to terms with his own insecurities (receding hairline) but proceeds to "demean a lot of people calling them ugly"?
It'll be your choice to go back to him - but it'll also be ultimately your loss.

But he's now talking to me again?

Gu is a walking red flag and can't believe the OP would even entertain the idea.
At 35 I would hope you have higher standards than this.

almost seems like a troll post.

It's stolen from reddit and even the comments there are bored of seeing it
https://www.reddit.com/r/UniUK/comments/1bc8u7y/slept_with_uni_staff/

That's my post. Imagine thinking it's stolen

And you've posted it repeatedly on reddit as per the comments there?

That's my post. Imagine thinking it's stolen