The Student Room Group

Awful first year experience and horrible flatmates!

I'd like to just start by saying I am (or was before uni) an out going, confident and sociable person. I had a lovely group of friends at home and honestly had no issues at all. I worked my arse off to get into uni and I was so excited to start! When I started uni it was great, flatmates were a laugh, people on my course were brilliant and people in the other flats were all lovely. Unfortunately my flat has become so bitchy! Everyone was really close then one of the girls in my flat became a nightmare to live with. I started to see how horrible the rest of my flat could be, they would steal her food, spit in it and just generally be rude and leave her out. I'm really not cool with how they treated her no matter how much of a bitch she was. Eventually I spoke to her and explained why I was upset with her, we sorted it out so I persuaded everyone else to do the same. They all spoke to her one weekend I had gone home and when I got back it was weird. I had been blamed for everything and they had said I'd done everything they had! So now it's awful and to make it worse 5 of them are on my course! I'm so pissed off that I'm now the outcast because they couldn't grow up and admit what they had done or at least not blame me! It's now gotten to the point where I avoid the kitchen and eat at my boyfriend's when I know their all there. When I have been in the kitchen at the same time as them it has either been super awkward or they have started bitching about me so I can hear or actually make comments. My food has started to go missing and I often come back from food shopping to find that I've been left no room in the fridge. The other day one of them even moved my milk and yoghurts out of the fridge to make room on MY SHELF for their crap. Milk and yoghurt went off... They have also started coming back drunk and kicking my door in the early hours of the morning. I'd be fine if I knew it wasn't just to be mean, I get that students are loud. I'm so depressed in my flat and to make things worse, because most have a happy flat it's difficult to fit in with different groups now! I'm lonely and my confidence is shattered, I feel physically sick being in my flat and it is starting to show in my work. I spoke to my tutor who's only advice was 'You really don't have long, just get through it' and it is too late so I guess she's right. I also don't want to make it all worse. Having my boyfriend around and the fact that I need a degree are the only things keeping me going. I'm a totally different person to how I was when I started. Sorry this is sooooooo long! I just don't know what to do! Has anyone else experienced this? Sorry again for the length x

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Reply 1
I'm really sorry, they sound a nightmare. I'd just try stay clear from them since you don't have long left. Have you got friends outside of your flat aside from your boyfriend that you could try spend more time with? They truly sound like horrid people and if they can turn on you like that I'm sure they will eventually turn on each other and will get what is coming to them.
Reply 2
I am in university and still live with my parents and i have no experience of what you are going through. All I can say is that I do sympathize and feel sorry for you that you are having to go through this. Can't your teacher talk to them to quit it? or better yet can't you move in with your boyfriend if its not far from your uni. I mean I know moving in is a big decision but if you and your boyfriend are together from a long time then I guess as your teacher said that you don't have long till you finish so just for a little while move in with him.
Reply 3
Go out, join clubs and societies, introduce yourself to other flats and cut them out your life. People will be understanding, or at least that was my experience :smile: girls like them are scum and anyone that spends any time with them will pick up on that!!
Reply 4
This is the problem. My confidence has literally gone to ****, I use to find it so easy to make friends or even keep up a decent friendship, now I feel so conscious and low that it's not happening. I don't want to tell my friends at home because they've always got amazing uni stories and if I'm honest I'm almost ashamed! My boyfriend is at the uni and for me to live with him he would have to change his accommodation! - Although I am pretty much always at his now but that almost makes it worse when I am at my flat, it makes me more nervous going back. I can't tell my parents because as soon as I mention that I'm a little unhappy I get the 'don't go and get worked up, you're at uni now blah blah', the uni have actually been pretty useless. Worried about my exams too as I'm all over the place! Erugh, it makes me regret coming to uni! :frown:
Reply 5
Original post by burgerqueen1
I'd like to just start by saying I am (or was before uni) an out going, confident and sociable person. I had a lovely group of friends at home and honestly had no issues at all. I worked my arse off to get into uni and I was so excited to start! When I started uni it was great, flatmates were a laugh, people on my course were brilliant and people in the other flats were all lovely. Unfortunately my flat has become so bitchy! Everyone was really close then one of the girls in my flat became a nightmare to live with. I started to see how horrible the rest of my flat could be, they would steal her food, spit in it and just generally be rude and leave her out. I'm really not cool with how they treated her no matter how much of a bitch she was. Eventually I spoke to her and explained why I was upset with her, we sorted it out so I persuaded everyone else to do the same. They all spoke to her one weekend I had gone home and when I got back it was weird. I had been blamed for everything and they had said I'd done everything they had! So now it's awful and to make it worse 5 of them are on my course! I'm so pissed off that I'm now the outcast because they couldn't grow up and admit what they had done or at least not blame me! It's now gotten to the point where I avoid the kitchen and eat at my boyfriend's when I know their all there. When I have been in the kitchen at the same time as them it has either been super awkward or they have started bitching about me so I can hear or actually make comments. My food has started to go missing and I often come back from food shopping to find that I've been left no room in the fridge. The other day one of them even moved my milk and yoghurts out of the fridge to make room on MY SHELF for their crap. Milk and yoghurt went off... They have also started coming back drunk and kicking my door in the early hours of the morning. I'd be fine if I knew it wasn't just to be mean, I get that students are loud. I'm so depressed in my flat and to make things worse, because most have a happy flat it's difficult to fit in with different groups now! I'm lonely and my confidence is shattered, I feel physically sick being in my flat and it is starting to show in my work. I spoke to my tutor who's only advice was 'You really don't have long, just get through it' and it is too late so I guess she's right. I also don't want to make it all worse. Having my boyfriend around and the fact that I need a degree are the only things keeping me going. I'm a totally different person to how I was when I started. Sorry this is sooooooo long! I just don't know what to do! Has anyone else experienced this? Sorry again for the length x



I know how you feel :frown: I guess my flatmates aren't half as bad as yours, but the girls in my flat are so boring and bitchy, and the guys are just plain weird. Sometimes I force myself to go out, just so I don't have to face them. I feel quite lonely sometimes at my flat, but thankfully the hall across me are awesome and I'll be living with some of my coursemates next year:smile: I hope you didn't plan to move in with them next year!
Original post by burgerqueen1
This is the problem. My confidence has literally gone to ****, I use to find it so easy to make friends or even keep up a decent friendship, now I feel so conscious and low that it's not happening. I don't want to tell my friends at home because they've always got amazing uni stories and if I'm honest I'm almost ashamed! My boyfriend is at the uni and for me to live with him he would have to change his accommodation! - Although I am pretty much always at his now but that almost makes it worse when I am at my flat, it makes me more nervous going back. I can't tell my parents because as soon as I mention that I'm a little unhappy I get the 'don't go and get worked up, you're at uni now blah blah', the uni have actually been pretty useless. Worried about my exams too as I'm all over the place! Erugh, it makes me regret coming to uni! :frown:


I can sympathise with you. As of right now its like passive aggressive World War 3 with my next door neighbours. They blast music at all hours of the night, specifically during revision periods. They have massive parties where they invite strippers. Its just insane. I've complained till I'm blue in the face. I've been physically threatened and had massive shouting matches in public with them. They literally see me walking to uni and pick on me for complaining about their loud music at 3-4am. I know all the lyrics to their favourite songs, it is that bad.

Complain about them, and perhaps suggest a flat discussion. Where all of them and you and voice your opinion on the matter at hand. So then you can have the opportunity to express how this is bothering you.

This is University, you'd think that high school drama would be left behind, its actually worse here. Because people can unitedly boycott you, when you haven't even done anything directly wrong to them. Just because their friend doesn't like you or something. I'm moving out in June into a shared house, I cannot wait.
Reply 7
Original post by Yomigo
I know how you feel :frown: I guess my flatmates aren't half as bad as yours, but the girls in my flat are so boring and bitchy, and the guys are just plain weird. Sometimes I force myself to go out, just so I don't have to face them. I feel quite lonely sometimes at my flat, but thankfully the hall across me are awesome and I'll be living with some of my coursemates next year:smile: I hope you didn't plan to move in with them next year!


Luckily I'm not living with them next year! Forgot to mention that bit! I had agreed to live with 4 of them, I came back the same weekend they all turned and was told that the girl they hated only days before was taking my place and that'd i'd have to find an alternative! Blessing in disguise really but hurt none the less.
I feel your pain. I had an awful experience on first year of uni. They were so nasty to me. Banging on my door late at night, colonising the corridor so I would have to step over twenty odd pairs of legs to get to the shower whilst they all watched and sniggered, playing music till the early hours, leaving rubbish and reheating notes outside my door. It will be okay once you move out and with people you like. Now those losers never even cross my mind.
Reply 9
Original post by alis-volatpropriis
I can sympathise with you. As of right now its like passive aggressive World War 3 with my next door neighbours. They blast music at all hours of the night, specifically during revision periods. They have massive parties where they invite strippers. Its just insane. I've complained till I'm blue in the face. I've been physically threatened and had massive shouting matches in public with them. They literally see me walking to uni and pick on me for complaining about their loud music at 3-4am. I know all the lyrics to their favourite songs, it is that bad.

Complain about them, and perhaps suggest a flat discussion. Where all of them and you and voice your opinion on the matter at hand. So then you can have the opportunity to express how this is bothering you.

This is University, you'd think that high school drama would be left behind, its actually worse here. Because people can unitedly boycott you, when you haven't even done anything directly wrong to them. Just because their friend doesn't like you or something. I'm moving out in June into a shared house, I cannot wait.


That sound awful :frown: pain in the arse right? Sadly a flat discussion would probably cause me to fall apart. Being in a room with them causes them to be nasty so confronting the situation would seriously put me in the firing line. Not one would ever admit they lied, why would they? I'm just going to have to cope, just worried about my exams! I'm struggling because of them! You're right, it is worse at uni. It's like people revert back to being 5 year olds!
Reply 10
Original post by burgerqueen1
Luckily I'm not living with them next year! Forgot to mention that bit! I had agreed to live with 4 of them, I came back the same weekend they all turned and was told that the girl they hated only days before was taking my place and that'd i'd have to find an alternative! Blessing in disguise really but hurt none the less.


Good to hear :smile: Stay strong, goto your uni library and get sweaty for the exams coming, ace them and look forward to your 2nd year without them *******s
Hearing stories like this in their flats makes me glad that my first year flatmates were "normal". I visit some mates at their flats and more often than not I find their flatmates as annoying as ****.
Reply 12
Seriously, they spat in her food? ****ing disgusting!

I know you don't want to make things worse, but don't take **** in the process, don't let people bring you down, steal and generally treat you like ****.
Reply 13
Original post by Nerd2
Seriously, they spat in her food? ****ing disgusting!

I know you don't want to make things worse, but don't take **** in the process, don't let people bring you down, steal and generally treat you like ****.


Yep, spat in her food, animals. They told her I'd done it! Can't believe people at uni spit in people's food then blame others!

I get what you're saying. It's just so difficult, I'm worried if I rock the boat at this point I'll be sitting re-takes over the summer! The stress they are causing me at the moment is unbelievable, I can't imagine how it'd be if it got worse.
Reply 14
Man up. You fight fire with fire.

Edit: Are these bitches hot? I love the sort of girls that are slags but are ***** as well. Makes ditching them an easy decision.
(edited 10 years ago)
Stay strong OP, you cant change personalities just like that so stop worrying about losing your confidence (everyone can feel a little knocked back when things like this happen), youll get it back.

as for now, just spend ur time at library and do not let these ****s ruin your future
Reply 16
Original post by DurhamXI
Man up. You fight fire with fire.

Edit: Are these bitches hot? I love the sort of girls that are slags but are ***** as well. Makes ditching them an easy decision.



Nah, all pretty rank...
Reply 17
Original post by burgerqueen1
Nah, all pretty rank...


Just call them ugly and fight fire with fire. Nothing will happen, universities do **** all. But then again, I am the type of guy that just does whatever the **** he wants and people can love or hate me.
Original post by burgerqueen1
That sound awful :frown: pain in the arse right? Sadly a flat discussion would probably cause me to fall apart. Being in a room with them causes them to be nasty so confronting the situation would seriously put me in the firing line. Not one would ever admit they lied, why would they? I'm just going to have to cope, just worried about my exams! I'm struggling because of them! You're right, it is worse at uni. It's like people revert back to being 5 year olds!


Yep its awful.
Perhaps if you had a mediator from the university involved? When I had massive problems with my next door neighbours, the university brought in a mediator. My block and the next door's block all had a discussion, the mediator prevented anyone from being insulted or throwing insults/punches.

It did help in the sense that there were boundaries, for the first 3 weeks. But they've reverted to their old ways now, since residential services don't approach them or enforce the boundaries. It doesn't help that residential services are fellow students that are also scared of them.
Its ridiculous because in our tenancy agreements it says "no parties", yet they throw one every 2 weeks, they invite a bunch of strippers, rent sound systems and blast afrobeats to their hearts content. Even the porter cannot understand why they have not been kicked out.

But I bet if it was me doing all those things, I would have been evicted.
Exactly! Maturity goes flying out the window once people come to uni, especially the ones that have never been independent or lived alone and are generally immature.

Keep calm, don't leave unopened food items in the fridge. They could do things to them.. Try and get some revision done at the library? If your university library is like mine and is open 24/7 that could be helpful? Also try and file a complaint.

I've been talking about suing the university and thats given the residential services a kick up their backside so far. :colondollar:
Reply 19
Nothing to add that's practical but really that sort of behaviour isn't entirely surprising. First year of uni is (for the vast majority of people) right after high school, they think they are fairly mature because their point of reference previously included 12 year olds but they are not. To varying extents freshers are still kids. You're probably more on the mature side and they are more on the immature side. We are talking about people who have just left home and haven't learned how to be decent flatmates yet and are all out of their comfort zone because uni is a new environment so what you get is all rather reminiscent of school trips.

It's not an excuse, they are still arses but you just get this sort of **** in fresher accommodation. The upside is you get less of it even by second year and much less by third year but by this point you'll probably avoid it anyway. In second and third year people are less desperate to be friends with the people they live with too. A lot of people have some experience along similar lines that means their first year friends don't stick so it's not weird to be making new friends later on.

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