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My dad is messing with my head, he shouts at me so loud

Every couple of weeks my dad just starts really shouting at me and I don’t know what I do wrong, he says he wants to leave and it’s my fault if he leaves because I’ll be responsible for him and my mum breaking up. And when I try to talk he just keeps shouting. The last time we argued he raised his fist and looked like he wanted to hit me.

He has started saying things like I’m mentally sick and I don’t act like a normal person, mainly because I’m always cleaning and tidying and I get annoyed if he messes my room up, although I never moan at him because he shouts off the top of his head when he is angry.

I always end up crying and saying sorry because I just don’t want the atmosphere but I’m starting to feel all my life is just this horrible sad feeling and it’s getting to the point where I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy anymore.

Today was my first day at a new job and I was excited to tell my parents how well it went but as I say he completely ruined it. And when he is like this the whole house is silent for a couple of days until he is ready to talk again.

What should I do, I’m a 23 yr old male, I can’t afford to leave home but I’m tired of him
Reply 1
Gosh I'm so sorry you have to go through this - your dad is verbally abusive. It seems like he enjoys the terror he instills in the household, so talking to him about how you feel might not work.
First step is probably to talk to your mum and let her know how you feel, and see if you're both anxious around your dad.
Talking to anyone helps, really. Even if it's not your mum, (as cliche as it sounds) write it down, talk to a friend, anything.
Also, have a hobby which allows you to escape from your dad's tantrums. Oh and make sure you don't internalise his anger. I don't know why your dad is being so mean to you, but I hope you know that you're doing nothing wrong - it's your father's own issues + unfortunately you're the scapegoat.

I really hope this all works out for you, stay strong!! And well done on your new job, in case no one said it :smile:
(edited 2 months ago)
I'm sorry to hear what you are having to put up with living at home, this is a form of abuse which in todays society is unacceptable whatever form the abuse takes.
You are of an age now where leaving home would be considered normal as you have your own life to live, and in your particular case it would seem like the best option.
You say you have just started a new job which is good news, but seem to think the pay won't cover the cost of renting a flat and living expenses. I don't know what your job involves, but you could consider sticking it out for a short time to accumulate some work experience and savings while at the same time looking for jobs with accommodation included.
There are lots of jobs on offer, a quick google search will find for example Accommodation Included Jobs - 2023 | Indeed.com there are plenty of other sites too.
Other options would be to chat to some of the agencies like Centrepoint who deal with similar cases to yours on a daily basis, for help and guidance.
I wish you well, try not to make waves and avoid difficult circumstances while at the same time working on a solution.... best wishes and good luck.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Every couple of weeks my dad just starts really shouting at me and I don’t know what I do wrong, he says he wants to leave and it’s my fault if he leaves because I’ll be responsible for him and my mum breaking up. And when I try to talk he just keeps shouting. The last time we argued he raised his fist and looked like he wanted to hit me.

He has started saying things like I’m mentally sick and I don’t act like a normal person, mainly because I’m always cleaning and tidying and I get annoyed if he messes my room up, although I never moan at him because he shouts off the top of his head when he is angry.

I always end up crying and saying sorry because I just don’t want the atmosphere but I’m starting to feel all my life is just this horrible sad feeling and it’s getting to the point where I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy anymore.

Today was my first day at a new job and I was excited to tell my parents how well it went but as I say he completely ruined it. And when he is like this the whole house is silent for a couple of days until he is ready to talk again.

What should I do, I’m a 23 yr old male, I can’t afford to leave home but I’m tired of him

I have a similar problem as yours and honestly it is very very draining I got to university and it really does take a toll on my studies as well as my mental health and every little thing adds up to be a bigger issue for me but no one will understand all they can do is listen and say it will be okay.
if you can't leave home then the best thing to do is occupy your time so that you spend less time at home hang out with people who make you feel happy again prioritise your needs and even though you will feel like you have hit rock bottom again just remember there are others who are in the same position and you are not alone !!! You got a new job you should be proud of yourself save up some money and think about moving out once you can and you will see how peaceful life can really be. The fact you're a man and you're 23 gives you way more leverage to be able to leave once you are able to do so 😭 I hope it all goes well ! Even though your dad doesn't seem like he's happy with you best believe everyone else is 🙂

Best wishes...

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