does he no longer give a **** about me?

i feel like my boyfriend has given up on me, same with my family. he no longer encourages me to speak to doctors or take any meds even though my depression is so bad rn i feel like i can't function, like my body is just a corpse. he just lets me do whatever i want, like stay in bed all day

same with my family. when i turn up to family events looking like **** and quite obviously off my face on xanax, no one even comments on it . my entire existence is an inconvenience to them

I think you should step back and think about what you want or expect from your family and boyfriend, and how they are not meeting those expectations. For example, would you expect your boyfriend to continue to encourage you to speak to doctors and take your medications if he has persisted in this for a while and has seen it not work?

Point being, it can be difficult for your support network also to see you not be in a good state. I think make a small step to try getting back on your feet, for example, the smallest step towards being more active. It will get you feeling better and also encourage your partner that you are making some steps towards getting better.

Would you to go to the doctor's and take your meds if they asked you to? I suspect them asking didn't achieve much in the past...

i would literally kill for him if i had to and he gives up on me this easily?

well it did eventually work, for a bit. like a year ago, or two years ago, i dont remember exactly.

idk how to take any steps to get back on my feet. i know its all in my head but for me, the worst part of depression is that it seems to affect my physical health too. i know that its an illusion, logically. but my body just feels like a cancer-ridden corpse, lol

well, it worked in the past. a couple times. one time he physically forced me to see one. obviously i hated it at the time but at least it showed me how much he cared

maybe show him that you care by getting help so you can be well enough to be there for him?

I'm not going to beat you over the head with it, but sometimes you kinda revel in being a chaotic mess and over time peoples opinions and expectations will probably adapt to this.

i just dont know if its worth it anymore. i wouldnt even have to see anyone, still have a bunch of old leftover antidepressants but idk if i want to deal with the side effects anymore

Particularly saying she'd 'literally kill for him'. That's just sociopathy, potential psychopathy, for someone who's probably objectively not all that. Great people actually make us think great about the world in general, regardless of whether that largely comes from how great only they make our world.

i feel like my boyfriend has given up on me, same with my family. he no longer encourages me to speak to doctors or take any meds even though my depression is so bad rn i feel like i can't function, like my body is just a corpse. he just lets me do whatever i want, like stay in bed all day

same with my family. when i turn up to family events looking like **** and quite obviously off my face on xanax, no one even comments on it . my entire existence is an inconvenience to them

sounds like life is pretty grim at the moment though. surely taking the meds and putting up with the side effects if your life will get easier in other ways is worth it?

Particularly saying she'd 'literally kill for him'. That's just sociopathy, potential psychopathy, for someone who's probably objectively not all that. Great people actually make us think great about the world in general, regardless of whether that largely comes from how great only they make our world.

I don't want to be abrasive as i know you're going through a tough time. But do you expect other people to get you through your life? your family i can understand but a SO can only give so much before they eventually become fatigued both mentally and physically. I think you should look at it from his perspective, you said yourself that your "body is just a corpse" and i'm guessing hes not used to you in this state (i'm not sure), and its probably quite distressing for him, i imagine he's withdrawing to try and protect himself from bouts of prolonged mental anguish. Its not really anyone's responsibility to get you out of bed if you don't want to, at that point you're just asking for a home help aid. I'm not going to go any further as i don't know the ins and outs of your situation, but its just my thought upon reading this. I hope you can find peace in yourself and gain more energy for love in the future.

technically, yeah. but there's this stubborn part of me that doesnt want to do it. im also scared they might ruin my metabolism, i recently read an article about it

I get it, believe me. The meds don't necessarily have to be forever though.

true, but it just doesnt feel worth it anymore