The Student Room Group

Moving into student house with friends next year - What to expect?

Hi!
I'm moving into a student house next year with some friends I met at uni. There are 6 of us in total. I am autistic, and I struggle with social interaction and I am very scared of burning out and snapping at them. They know this.

I'm worried that we will clash. My friend smokes weed a LOTTTT - I'm talking every night. She says she'll keep it in the garden but it still worries me. I don't want weed in the house - I hate the smell. Another is an alcoholic, and I just don't do well with alcoholics. I drink quite a lot but not on that level. I'm worried that I will not be respected but I'm not sure how to bring it up.

Other than that, I'm not so much worried as much as I am in the dark about the whole thing. Are student houses generally a good experience or a bad one? I've done fine in halls but I am incredibly awkward with my flatmates and have struggled tremendously with them as they are rude and condescending to me as I'm autistic.

Should I expect good things or simply brace myself? my sister says that I should expect the first few weeks there to be really bad - Should I? What are some good ground rules to abide by / impose? I really don't want to be 'THAT housemate'.
Original post by ethersea
Hi!
I'm moving into a student house next year with some friends I met at uni. There are 6 of us in total. I am autistic, and I struggle with social interaction and I am very scared of burning out and snapping at them. They know this.

I'm worried that we will clash. My friend smokes weed a LOTTTT - I'm talking every night. She says she'll keep it in the garden but it still worries me. I don't want weed in the house - I hate the smell. Another is an alcoholic, and I just don't do well with alcoholics. I drink quite a lot but not on that level. I'm worried that I will not be respected but I'm not sure how to bring it up.

Other than that, I'm not so much worried as much as I am in the dark about the whole thing. Are student houses generally a good experience or a bad one? I've done fine in halls but I am incredibly awkward with my flatmates and have struggled tremendously with them as they are rude and condescending to me as I'm autistic.

Should I expect good things or simply brace myself? my sister says that I should expect the first few weeks there to be really bad - Should I? What are some good ground rules to abide by / impose? I really don't want to be 'THAT housemate'.

Honestly- you can tell your housemates your dislikes but you can’t enforce anything.

It would be good mannered of them to be mindful of your worries but don’t expect them to stick to anything.

If what they do bothers you- address it in an adult way, don’t start any pettiness (this will help avoid further issues).

Apart from that you can relax! They’re your friends, therefore they must care somewhat about how you feel. It’s worse sharing with strangers- they don’t feel obliged to be well mannered.

Shared houses are a lot of fun- enjoy your time sharing with friends, it will part of your good uni memories.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
Honestly- you can tell your housemates your dislikes but you can’t enforce anything.

It would be good mannered of them to be mindful of your worries but don’t expect them to stick to anything.

If what they do bothers you- address it in an adult way, don’t start any pettiness (this will help avoid further issues).

Apart from that you can relax! They’re your friends, therefore they must care somewhat about how you feel. It’s worse sharing with strangers- they don’t feel obliged to be well mannered.

Shared houses are a lot of fun- enjoy your time sharing with friends, it will part of your good uni memories.

Oh yes ok then!! It's relieving to hear and I guess you're right. Thank you!!
Original post by ethersea
Hi!
I'm moving into a student house next year with some friends I met at uni. There are 6 of us in total. I am autistic, and I struggle with social interaction and I am very scared of burning out and snapping at them. They know this.

I'm worried that we will clash. My friend smokes weed a LOTTTT - I'm talking every night. She says she'll keep it in the garden but it still worries me. I don't want weed in the house - I hate the smell. Another is an alcoholic, and I just don't do well with alcoholics. I drink quite a lot but not on that level. I'm worried that I will not be respected but I'm not sure how to bring it up.

Other than that, I'm not so much worried as much as I am in the dark about the whole thing. Are student houses generally a good experience or a bad one? I've done fine in halls but I am incredibly awkward with my flatmates and have struggled tremendously with them as they are rude and condescending to me as I'm autistic.

Should I expect good things or simply brace myself? my sister says that I should expect the first few weeks there to be really bad - Should I? What are some good ground rules to abide by / impose? I really don't want to be 'THAT housemate'.

Hi there,

I'm sorry that you have these concerns. I think that it is normal for many people to struggle when moving in with friends. I believe that a good way to start is by having a meeting before you move in where everyone discusses their concerns respectfully and you lack out chores and boundaries so that you all have a plan. Then maybe monthly meetings to know that you're all on the same page once you're living together.

Setting intentions are important but remember that it's normal for it to be challenging and the most important part is that you respect each other.

I hope that helps.

All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Original post by ethersea
Hi!
I'm moving into a student house next year with some friends I met at uni. There are 6 of us in total. I am autistic, and I struggle with social interaction and I am very scared of burning out and snapping at them. They know this.

I'm worried that we will clash. My friend smokes weed a LOTTTT - I'm talking every night. She says she'll keep it in the garden but it still worries me. I don't want weed in the house - I hate the smell. Another is an alcoholic, and I just don't do well with alcoholics. I drink quite a lot but not on that level. I'm worried that I will not be respected but I'm not sure how to bring it up.

Other than that, I'm not so much worried as much as I am in the dark about the whole thing. Are student houses generally a good experience or a bad one? I've done fine in halls but I am incredibly awkward with my flatmates and have struggled tremendously with them as they are rude and condescending to me as I'm autistic.

Should I expect good things or simply brace myself? my sister says that I should expect the first few weeks there to be really bad - Should I? What are some good ground rules to abide by / impose? I really don't want to be 'THAT housemate'.

@ethersea

I think it's great that you have been honest with them about socialising. I am sure they appreciated your honesty and they have got to know you a bit, and can hopefully tell when you are feeling uncomfortable or stressed, but from your post, it sounds like you have genuine concerns and I think they may be warning signs.

It's likely that next year will be more busy or difficult in terms of uni work and so it will be important to have a home environment where you feel relaxed and comfortable. I fear if there are any problems, they will say that you knew before moving in with them and that it's their house too and that they should be able to do what they want since they are paying rent. I worry that relationships could become quite strained and that if you do find social interaction difficult, it might not be easy to challenge things or to express your frustration.

It is important to be accommodating towards people but there are some situations which are not wise to knowingly put yourself into. Student houses should be fun: cooking together, making plans for the weekend, having people over for movie nights, talking into the early hours, eating junk food etc...but they can also be stressful if you don't match well with the people you live with. Everything can become an issue or a headache and it's tiring! It's easy to become resentful and to just live in your room or to spend most of the time out of the house, which is not ideal : (

I am sorry to hear that halls have not been an altogether positive experience, but do consider all your options.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield

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