Was I too mean

I went to a party last weekend and it was like some of my closest friends + people that I know less well but have met a few times.
Basically there is a guy there and we always end up talking and he’s always a bit flirty and I always got the impression that he maybe had a slight crush on me especially because my other friend has been like ‘oh he’s literally always talking about you’ etc.
Anyway, at this party he kept offering me his seat and I wanted to sit on the floor and must have said no like 4 times but he kept insisting and I was just like ‘stop being nice and just sit down’. Now to me if someone said this I wouldn’t take this badly and I don’t think any of my other friends would either but he looked a bit surprised that I’d said this? Like I couldn’t fully put a finger on it but it just seemed like this perhaps was something that upset him, I don’t fully remember the tone I said it in but now I’m wondering if he took it more seriously and got upset over it.
And then once he’d sat down I was just talking to my other friend who sat next to me and didn’t really get an opportunity to talk to me. But yeah, after that he wasn’t as talkative towards me (and he was before I said this) and I felt like he was a bit off w me. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it because I don’t know this guy well enough to be able to recognise when he’s upset but to me this seemed like he was upset (or very drunk)
But yeah, I don’t know if I’m overthinking or if this is something other people would get upset over. I don’t think I’ll see him in person again since we only really meet at parties and we’re both leaving the city soon for work anyway. We’re not close enough for me to ask if he was upset over it but also I don’t want him to think I was mean to him

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

We also talk online a lot but he’s not really again been interacting too much. I don’t know if he was just generally upset about something that day or if what I said could genuinely be considered a mean thing to say…

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Is this something that people can get upset over? I didn’t say it in a mean way but also I have been quite overly nice to him in the past because like we just met but now I felt a bit more comfortable around him so was a bit more direct than I would have been in the past

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I don’t really know what to do, am I overthinking it

Reply 4

Ackhnologia

Hi there
Just try to ask him

Reply 5

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

If you don't remember the tone that you delivered it then we really would just be guessing.

Why not just ask him?

"Hey, you seemed a bit put out when I said XYZ the other day. Are we okay?".

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

If you don't remember the tone that you delivered it then we really would just be guessing.

Why not just ask him?

"Hey, you seemed a bit put out when I said XYZ the other day. Are we okay?".

Thing is I don’t know him well enough to ask something like this, like we’ve met twice

Reply 7

AriTem

He's probably upset at being rejected because he was looking for more than friendship. Leave him be for a few days. He'll get over it. It doesn't sound like you see him romantically anyway so let him get over it before trying the friendship angle again. If he's not keen on seeing you as a friend, you're better off without him!

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

just say: "I am sorry if I upset you last time it's just I am a little bit blunt sometimes." or "I didn't mean to offend you."

I mean, I am known to be the rudest/snappiest person in my group of friends and I am just apologising all the time for the perceived meanness in everything I say 😂 but if I was the guy and my crush did that to me ngl I would be upset.

Reply 9

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Thing is I don’t know him well enough to ask something like this, like we’ve met twice

Well, start with something like, "Hey, it was nice bumping into you the other day..." and then ask the other stuff.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous #2

Ah damn okay, I guess I didn’t realise ‘stop being nice and sit down’ could be taken badly, my group of friends and I say this kind of stuff all the time but as a joke. I didn’t say it in a mean way from what I remember but I also started talking to someone else straight after so I guess it didn’t look good and that’s when he didn’t really speak as much.

I think if I see him in person just on campus or something I’ll say something, texting may not be the best of ideas since he’s not really replied for a few days.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Ugh I guess I kinda ruined any chance I may have had with this guy, I still don’t really know if contacting him about it is the best of ideas since we don’t really know each other much so I don’t want it to be awkward. Especially if he was upset for another reason although I’m fairly certain me saying that lead to him being more quiet with me but he still talked to everyone else the same. I think being that intoxicated was completely the wrong idea

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

yeah exactly don't contact him just say it if you happen to run into him

Reply 13

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous #1

Thing is I don’t know him well enough to ask something like this, like we’ve met twice

But you know him well enough to talk a lot online, allow him to be flirty and think he has a crush on you!

That is more than enough to message him and ask how things are between you.

Reply 14

StriderHort

I don't really see the problem tbh, if you repeatedly pester people to move seats you'll eventually get told to knock it off and drop it

It's no different to repeatedly offering people food or drink when they've declined, a single 'are you sure?' is one thing, but to just keep badgering is disrespectful and sure to irritate rather that swoon.