The Student Room Group

lonely at uni

why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend
Hi! I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time at uni, it can be really difficult to get through it when you're feeling lonely. Not everyone finds their lifelong best friends at university, that is definitely a misconception! However, joining societies, engaging consistently in seminars or other in person classes can really go a long way. Never be afraid to take the first step in befriending someone, you never know they might be feeling a similar way.
I hope things get better for you :smile:
-Kat (2nd year psychology student at Lancaster University)
Original post by Anonymous #1
why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend

Hi,

I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely at uni ☹️ that must be really tough. I myself am a commuter and can definitely relate to you. It’s hard to form connections when other students are living the “uni life” and clubbing and going to other accommodations, so don’t feel alone in the way you’re feeling I totally understand. I think the main thing is to put yourself out there, you and me have got to make that extra bit of effort due to the fact we do commute and not around 24/7 so I think that’s really important. Chatting to people in your classes who are also sitting alone, or chatting to a group next to you. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t be daunted by talking, if someone is a good person and those connections you want is for you, they won’t push you away and ignore you, and if they do, that connection isn’t for you.

One extra thing is I found that groupchats are really helpful ! Whether that be Facebook or a society. That’s how I found my friendship through a Facebook group and I feel it is a meaningful friendship, whether that be for life or just for the years of uni, it will serve me well.

I hope this has given you some reassurance in you not feeling alone in your feelings as I definitely resonate with you, and so do so many others! You’ll get there and what’s meant for you will come around

Lily - 2nd year Psychology Student @ ARU
ARU digital student rep
Hi there,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling lonely ☹️ Sometimes these things can take a little bit to kick in and being in a new place can make it difficult for anyone.

Have you joined any clubs or societies while there? I found most of my friends from joining salsa society at my university and can honestly say I have made some very deep and meaningful connections through such. Societies are a great way to meet lots of people at once and it helps get things along when you have a mutual interest to bond over!

Commuting may be hard as it removes the opportunity of living with other students however this doesn't mean you still cant gain that closeness! I think its important to stay confident and open. It can be daunting when people may already have groups but generally it doesn't hurt to just talk to people, join in open plans, go to the socials. More often than not university students are happy to chat to anyone, just takes someone to start the conversation.

Good luck with everything and I hope you meet lots of new and interesting people,
-Sophie (uni of Bath)
Original post by Anonymous #1
why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so lonely as a commuter, that sounds really tough.

It can take time to create meaningful connections with people, so just know that you are not alone in feeling this way. It may also seem like everyone has found their friends, but groups change a lot throughout university, so don't be discouraged!

The best thing to do when you're feeling this way is to try to make connections. Join or try out a sport or society, find part-time work, volunteer, and do what you enjoy! I have met so many great people through being a student ambassador and volunteering in the city, so I'd say just find something you enjoy and put yourself out there.

Since you are a commuting student, it might be nice to plan a date and time to hang out with a class mate or your uni friend outside of university. This way, you can have something to look forward to and can continue to make plans with them afterwards if you get along well.

It can be hard - but you've got this! Best of luck,
Isabella 🙂
Original post by Anonymous #1
why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend

Anon,

Are you aware of others who commute? Could you start a commuting society to try and reach out to more commuters on campus? Have you tried asking if there is anyone in your course who live close to you? Could you commute together?

If you are arriving really early, are there places where you can hang out? Could you arrange to meet someone for a coffee to discuss work, to revise or meet for breakfast as a way of getting to know them better?

I know in Huddersfield, there's a cafe/restaurant that does a great Turkish breakfast. Perhaps you could go to a new coffee shop in the area or try breakfast at different places. You might also need to stay a bit longer after lectures so that you have time to hang out with people. (If you are just making it on time for lectures and rushing off after lectures are done, then it's going to be pretty difficult to make friends.) Are you able to stay for an hour or two after a lecture? Have you tried inviting people to hang out on the weekend? Have you exchanged contact details with people in your class? Is there someone you could phone and chat to (even if you can't stay long at university)?

It's takes time to form friendships, but you also have to spend time with people to build those friendships and to be able to build meaningful and real connections. Friendships take a lot of work! You have to make the effort and hope that people respond, but if you do form great friendships it can be worth the extra effort now : )

Don't lose heart! If you can join a society (maybe one that runs at lunchtime) or if you are willing to stay late at least one evening in the week to attend a society, then this might help you to begin to meet new people.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous #1
why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend

Hi there,

I commuted myself in my 1st year and found it similar, I think alot of people make friends in their accommodation. There are often groups of commuters so you could try and become friends with them. I would also recommend joining some societies, even as a commuter you can still attend events and things, this is a good way to make friends.

I hope this helps

Ellen
Y4 Medical Student
Uni of Sunderland
Digital Ambassador
Original post by Anonymous #1
why is uni so lonely especially as a commuter?
i feel like people have their own groups and friends and its hard to make friends who arent just uni friends like i want meaningful and real connections that will last
like im in my second year of uni and have only made one friend who is basically just a uni friend

Hey,

I can't say I am a commuter but I do feel quite lonely sometimes as a 4th Year living on campus when all my friends are in town. Here are some suggestions for you to think about that have personally helped me:

Join some societies

Join your local gym and talk to some people whilst you're there - you never know who you might bump into.

Online group chats for your university in general, I am sure there are lots of other people feeling the same way and wanting a new buddy!

Talk to people on your commute, e.g. sit next to someone who looks like your vibe on the bus, and ask how their day is.


Honestly, I really believe that if you put yourself out there and talk to people, it makes a whole load of difference. I understand that with social anxiety, etc. this can sometimes be difficult, for me included, but when you think about it, there are three ways these conversations will go: a. you meet a new friend, or b. they ignore you - that's fine, they aren't your person and they won't remember you in ten minutes anyway, or c. it's awkward but you both forget the interaction ever happened.

Hope this helps,

Tyler (LU Student Ambassador)

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