I quit my job

****!
Where do I start?

Today, not so long ago, my manager confirmed to me that my resignation has been finalised.

Do I feel positively over the moon about this? No. Maybe it is too soon?

What happened?
I went to a youth hostel in Edinburgh for Christmas. One which I had been to three times before the same year, mostly recently in November.
The last two times I had visited, I had returned considering becoming a volunteer at the hostel.

I gave this a tremendous amount of constant thought for a solid 6-weeks, until, in the act of spurring myself onto resign from my job, I accidentally did.

I had the weekend to dwell on this, because of how I had resigned, it was not final. With two days to dwell on it, I second guessed having resigned, initiated by a moment of anxiety. Sunday came, and I contacted my manager and asked to withdraw my resignation. After a conversation on Monday, my manager and I discussing I go to therapy to make clear my intentions and thoughts of resigning, my resignation was withdrawn and work continued.

Despite this advice, I did not make my appointment and go to therapy. I continued to think about resigning from my job. I thought, and I thought, and I thought about it.

Eventually, I got so exhausted from thinking about resigning, that this became my reason to resign. Apprehensively, I submitted my resignation.
I did feel a sense of anxiety after doing so, and I expressed this feeling with my manager. I then had a conversation with my manager, and their manager, where we all tried to derive what course of action would be best for me and my well-being. I was offered many flexible alternatives, such as a week off as annual leave to have one therapy appointment, returning on Monday and making a decision. Another option was I had 4-weeks off as sick leave for me to have more therapy sessions before making a decision on my return.

Despite all these options, there and then I chose to stick with my decision to resign, as I did not want to think about it any longer. I still intend to pursue therapy.

Now, did I resign with a clear head? No.
Did I resign with a clear plan of what I was going to do next? No.

So now here I am. I have resigned and I don’t have a plan of what I am going to do next.

I could still go to the hostel in Edinburgh if I would like to.
I am attending a festival in Portugal the start of May, and I considered inter-railing from there East, across the Mediterranean.

Right now, however, I feel confused. I do understand the world has essentially ‘opened up’ to me, which is all well and good, but I don’t know if I’m ready to do all these things.

I feel like I quit my job because of a mental breakdown. I didn’t have a mental breakdown, I just did a lot of overthinking.

I have no idea what I’m going to do now.