Things to do to the postman while waiting for the letter

Puck_1991

I wake up in the morning, wait for the postman to deliver post and find out he hasn't brought my letter yet... I know all about don't kill the messenger, but now really guys: what would you do to the postman?
:wink:

Reply 1

anna_spanner89

ive read this as 'things to do to the postman' and i know what most middle aged housewives would do...

and i know..go on tsr??

Reply 2

Fandellos

13

anna_spanner89

ive read this as 'things to do to the postman' and i know what most middle aged housewives would do...

are you a middle aged housewife?

Reply 3

Scipio90

Hang him up by his figgin.

Reply 4

DaveParlour

13

Personally i'd kidnap him, steal his clothes and bike then ride to the sorting office and find the letter myself.

Either that or ring a mate who works as a postman and get him to find it, that's probably slightly less illegal.

Reply 5

charlottesometimes

Keelhaul the knave. You heard me.

Reply 6

Glutamic Acid

17

anna_spanner89

ive read this as 'things to do to the postman' and i know what most middle aged housewives would do...

and i know..go on tsr??

Wow, I read it exactly the same! Probably because that's what it says...

Anyway, I'm looking at the theory of Schroedinger's Envelope. The letter contains both an offer or a rejection until it's opened.

Reply 7

qgujxj39

17

Glutamic Acid

Anyway, I'm looking at the theory of Schroedinger's Envelope. The letter contains both an offer or a rejection until it's opened.

Reply 8

BurningSnowman

1

fumblewomble

You don't want to do anything to the postman. If he doesn't deliver your letter one day, he'll still need to be fit, able and motivated to deliver it promptly the next!

Pump him with steroids?

Reply 9

bibliotheque

Strip him down to his long johns, then cover him in batter with a cold, metal spatula. Following this crush up 6lb of coal and paint it onto his pasty body.

I find that this always works in getting the message across.

Reply 10

inferences

following bibliotheque's suggestion to cover him in batter, i would like to add the following:

let the dogs loose on him. preferably rottweilers. otherwise pitbulls should do the trick. serious nipplecripples.

Reply 11

Aurel-Aqua

5

Glutamic Acid

Wow, I read it exactly the same! Probably because that's what it says...

Anyway, I'm looking at the theory of Schroedinger's Envelope. The letter contains both an offer or a rejection until it's opened.

Your theory is disproved by the fact that by using a torch and directing the light right through the envelope, you can actually see the text written.

However, you could also argue that the contents contain both an offer and a rejection until it has intentional light shone through. What would you name this theory as?