Can't accept my looks.
For years I've been trying to accept that I'm not good looking and that I've got to do the best with what I've got. I've done all I can to be 'good looking' - taking care of my hair, body, and trying to be a friendly, funny guy - but none of it has made me feel any better about myself.
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
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There's nothing anybody can do for you really, you're just gonna have to accept that you aren't very good-looking (You may be anyway, no idea) I know you said this is just a vent but one day you'll stop caring as much as you do now.
That or you can formulate an evil plan to destroy shadows once and for all >
That or you can formulate an evil plan to destroy shadows once and for all >
you don't need to accept them, they're yours regardless!
i generally find getting a girlfriend sorts most peoples self confidence problems out
also, you're not an air conditioning system, and don't need to vent.
I know people are trying to help by saying "you just need to accept them", but it isn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when you are reminded of them every time you see your shadow or reflection or somebody takes the piss out of you.
I don't see how a doctor can help you with this. I'm ugly too but I can't even imagine going to the doctor about it, what would I expect them to do? Tell me I'm not? That wouldn't work.
As sympathetic as I am (honestly) - don't embarrass yourself over it.
As sympathetic as I am (honestly) - don't embarrass yourself over it.
Original post by Anonymous
For years I've been trying to accept that I'm not good looking and that I've got to do the best with what I've got. I've done all I can to be 'good looking' - taking care of my hair, body, and trying to be a friendly, funny guy - but none of it has made me feel any better about myself.
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
You're a chinless wonder???
Original post by Anonymous
I know people are trying to help by saying "you just need to accept them", but it isn't as easy as it sounds. Especially when you are reminded of them every time you see your shadow or reflection or somebody takes the piss out of you.
It's not even about accepting them. I assume a lot of ugly people are not really at home with the idea of being ugly and don't really like the reality of it either. It's beside the point though. You can't drastically change the way you look with out some kind of surgery - you've ruled this out, therefore in basic terms there's nothing you can do. It has nothing to do with acceptance as such, just dealing with the reality of the situation.
Of course, I guess there are some things you could do if you wanted to, but you make it sound like you already tried. Try a different haircut, grow your hair or style it differently etc. but if you're so insecure, I doubt that will help immensely.
If you have clinical micrognathia (though you may not), you could have an operation to correct it on the NHS. See an orthodontist first of all. I doubt that your big nozzer is a great problem though: the Jewish race is still going, after all. 
Either way, meaning doesn't have to reside in sex or procreation; create some greater meaning for your life.
Either way, meaning doesn't have to reside in sex or procreation; create some greater meaning for your life.
(edited 13 years ago)
Have you ever thought that people make fun of you because they're jealous? I know a lot of boys do that.
I find it hard to believe that you're as unattractive as you think you are. I mean, i certainly feel the same way about myself sometimes... i have a huge nose and i'm a girl! There's loads of things i don't like about myself, but that doesn't mean people don't find me attractive. We tend to focus on the negative aspects of ourselves so much when in reality, people don't notice them on us as much.
Having unconventional looks is by no means a bad thing! It adds character and makes you unique. You probably wouldn't believe anyone if they told you that you're not ugly, because you've practically convinced yourself that you are. I'm afraid there's not much else you can do but focus on the things you like about yourself, and realise that everyone's looks are going to fade with old age anyway
it's all about how you perceive yourself, and you'll only be happy when you perceive yourself positively.
I find it hard to believe that you're as unattractive as you think you are. I mean, i certainly feel the same way about myself sometimes... i have a huge nose and i'm a girl! There's loads of things i don't like about myself, but that doesn't mean people don't find me attractive. We tend to focus on the negative aspects of ourselves so much when in reality, people don't notice them on us as much.
Having unconventional looks is by no means a bad thing! It adds character and makes you unique. You probably wouldn't believe anyone if they told you that you're not ugly, because you've practically convinced yourself that you are. I'm afraid there's not much else you can do but focus on the things you like about yourself, and realise that everyone's looks are going to fade with old age anyway
it's all about how you perceive yourself, and you'll only be happy when you perceive yourself positively.(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
For years I've been trying to accept that I'm not good looking and that I've got to do the best with what I've got. I've done all I can to be 'good looking' - taking care of my hair, body, and trying to be a friendly, funny guy - but none of it has made me feel any better about myself.
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
It sounds silly but the part of my that makes me feel worst is my shadow. I see my shadow out of the corner of my eye and I see all the ugliness and bad proportions (big nose, small chin etc) and it instantly destroys any form of confidence I'd built up.
After years of physically and psychologically trying to get past this, I'm at my limit.
This is more of a vent for me than anything, but I may as well try and get some help out of this: surgery isn't financial viable, so if I went to doctors would they actually help me or would they just shoo me off? (I've been to the doctors before and the woman just gave me this dirty look and said that she didn't think there was anything "that" wrong with me).
I dont know what to say about the shadow bit
You look like what you see in the mirror.. not your shadow.
You just sound too self conscious. If anyone likes you.. they're more likely to be unattracted to you feeling like this about your looks..
How old are you? If you're quite young, your looks will change as you grow (obvously not a huge amount but it does make a difference)
.. it could just be a little phase you're going through now because it seems like you're not bad looking from the doctors response....,
But if you go out more and meet more people, you're more likely to realise that as a guy as long as you're looking after yourself (hair/ body), you're attractive anyway. You're personality plays a huge part in attrativeness...
Some girls will find you attractive others may not so much... its the same with everyone (you do have to learn to accept the way you are) but they are more likely to find you unattractive if you find yourself unattractive.
Its not all about looking after yourself.. being funny, its probably more to do with meeting people who you are more compatiable with.. because you're more likely to bump in to someone who finds you really attractive,... which i guess will reassure you that you're not unattractive.
x
I think everyone in the world has self confidance issues. You just have to realise that nobody will take one look at you and instantly scrutanise everything about you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I agree with the poster above, get a girlfriend That sounds really bad, but it would definetly solve your self confidance issues (they are self confidance issures btw, nobody in the world is ugly). Or if not a girlfriend, some close friends- you need someone to appreciate you for you, not your looks in order to accept them as part of you... if that makes sense A makeover helps you to see yourself in a new way.
And I love big noses by the way, I really do. They're so roman and strong and very Heathcliff
I agree with the poster above, get a girlfriend
That sounds really bad, but it would definetly solve your self confidance issues (they are self confidance issures btw, nobody in the world is ugly). Or if not a girlfriend, some close friends- you need someone to appreciate you for you, not your looks in order to accept them as part of you... if that makes sense A makeover helps you to see yourself in a new way.And I love big noses by the way, I really do. They're so roman and strong and very Heathcliff
I'm sure you're not as bad as you're making out! And I don't think there's anyone who really is particularly perfect looking, since we all have our flaws. Also, I think that most people who get surgery look worse afterwards, but that's just my opinion.
There was a recent BBC3 documentary on a guy called Jono Lancaster, he has a facial disfigurement. Maybe you could watch it and learn something from it?
There was a recent BBC3 documentary on a guy called Jono Lancaster, he has a facial disfigurement. Maybe you could watch it and learn something from it?
Original post by puddlove
I don't see how a doctor can help you with this. I'm ugly too but I can't even imagine going to the doctor about it, what would I expect them to do? Tell me I'm not? That wouldn't work.
As sympathetic as I am (honestly) - don't embarrass yourself over it.
As sympathetic as I am (honestly) - don't embarrass yourself over it.
When I say 'help from a doctor' I mean getting help from a psychologist. I used to work with somebody who had a nose about the same size as mine, but had a larger kink in it, and he got psychological help, and then free rhinoplasty as well - and he's never been happier.
I'm not trying to put things in your head but if these thoughts impact upon your life SEVERELY and stop you from functioning normally socially etc then you could possibly have BDD?
It's important not to self-diagnose yourself with this because it is rare and hey, I'm not a doctor.
Tbh, you 'could' just be going through a phase and that would be the more likely situation by far.
We do all have things we'd like to change about ourselves.
I'm very suprised about the doctor's reaction; either what you said was silly or she was highly unprofessional/not aware of possible conditions.
Really, the best thing you could do for now is talk to a parent/teacher about it?
You say you've dealt with this for years...how long exactly? and how severe if you don't mind me asking?
It's important not to self-diagnose yourself with this because it is rare and hey, I'm not a doctor.
Tbh, you 'could' just be going through a phase and that would be the more likely situation by far.
We do all have things we'd like to change about ourselves.
I'm very suprised about the doctor's reaction; either what you said was silly or she was highly unprofessional/not aware of possible conditions.
Really, the best thing you could do for now is talk to a parent/teacher about it?
You say you've dealt with this for years...how long exactly? and how severe if you don't mind me asking?
Have you looked up Body Dsymorphic Disorder (BDD)?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
Obviously that is at the extreme end of the spectrum, but you never know.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
Obviously that is at the extreme end of the spectrum, but you never know.
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