How did you escape abuse?

This is no help to you OP, and I'm sorry and truly hope you find a solution, but: how ****ing disgusting that your case was closed. What a shambles of a system.

I suffered years of abuse at the hands of my ex-boyfriend. Till I literally walked away and kept walking. After I left I got help from women's aid and the local police force, to whom I am eternally grateful. A very good friend, now my boyfriend, helped me through it emotionally, but it was a very difficult thing to do.

I realise my situation is different from yours, but I didn't want to read and leave. I hope the fact that I got away and am now living a life a thousand times better than I could have dreamed might bring you a little bit of hope. If I can be of any help at all please do not hesitate to PM me.

I cut contact with the abusive family member and after several years of me not responding to any communication I think he's given up. I also attended counselling which helped a lot to talk out all of my issues and I've learnt more to focus on the now instead of the past and the fact that I've been strong enough to deal with it. I don't know that I'll ever 100% escape it mentally, particularly because my case was also closed, but I don't wanna let it ruin my life.

Thanks for your responses. But what would be the best way to escape, seeing as my parents (who happen to be the abusers) are from a culture where family is considered to be a massivley important thing?

If it was me, I would try cut all emotional ties with the family so their abuse doesn't hurt, carry on with your A levels? Until you can go to uni, and probably not look back.

I saw you wrote you're from a culture where family is important, that works both ways, it doesn't sound like they value you, they're not worth it, no one deserves abuse at any level and especially family, they're supposed to love you unconditionally, if they cannot, I'm sorry, but in my book they aren't family.

I feel so miserable about what's going on, and I feel so stuck. I really wish i wasn't born. I hate myself. I hate my life. I'm focusing on my exams and sorting out uni but I need to get away eventually.

Please help.

Please do not hate yourself.

I don't know why you do. But you have been incredibly strong to keep yourself together through all of it and still making plans for your life. You should be so so proud of yourself, to have gotten this far, and to not seek any kind of payback. You are better than your abusers, and you shouldn't forget that.

I was abused by family members from the time I was 6/7 till I was 12, at which time I left the country, and escaped from it all. I am from a country where family is "the most important thing" too. Younger people are not allowed to talk back. I even wrote about my abuse in a diary, which was opened and read after I'd left the country. Funny thing is, my grandmother was the one who read it, and didn't believe what I wrote. WTF, why would I lie in my own diary. But anyway, that is not the issue.

I don't often go back to visit my home country, but when I do, I have to face my abusers. I do my best to ignore them at family gatherings, and make my appearance brief. I guess, for you that is more difficult, as they are your immediate family members.

I don't think I have ever quite dealt with the abuse fully. I have just learned to accept it as part of my life. When I was 16, I was very lucky to meet someone to whom I could speak about my childhood in every detail. That person helped me so much, in understanding that none of it was my fault, nor ever will be. He told me I had incredible strength to have held it in for so many years, and to have coped so well. So now I would like to tell you the same. It is inevitable that you will feel sad about it for the years to come, but it doesn't have to make you feel scared, or doubtful about who you are.

I thing the most important thing for you right now is to focus on your studies. Once you get in, there are facilities at uni where you can speak to counsellors about your problems, and they will help you deal with your past abuse. For now, you just have to know that you can do it. When you graduate, you will have your own life, completely separate and independent from them. You can always go back home to see your siblings and cousins, but instead of staying in, go out so you can be away from your parents!

I am glad I got away from it all, and that the experience has taught me to be a stronger person and cope with many other nasty things in life. Right now, my life is exactly how I want it to be, and there is no reason why you couldn't have the life you want. If you would like to have a chat privately about my personal experience, quote me and I will reply!

Hi thanks for your response. I can't help but feel as though I really should not have been born. I guess your lucky to have been able to get away from it, which country were you living in before? And who are you living with now? It's very good that your away and your strong, I wish I could feel that way, and I am even considering permanently moving to another city in England or to another country, a bit much I know, I want to get away, but I love London too much. I am going away for university though.

I can understand what your grandma is saying, people don't like to admit when they done something serious but this happened to you and it's good that you are not in denial just because of them. You say you felt you never dealt with it properly, and of course you cannot forget it. Have you thought about having counselling, or any other kind of help? That guy you spoke to was very good, it's nice to be able to speak to someone who listens and understands and doesn't judge you or deny anything. I have told a few people privately about the abuse and they are trying to help me in the best way that they can.