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Arranged Marriage Yay or Nay?

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Reply 40

gijops

hell-to-the-no. This is the 21st century, people need to get with the program

Reply 41

meenu89

I didn't want an arranged (or as some call it; Introduced) marriage.

Reply 42

nemogirl

it's really annoying with people saying that arranged marriages are likely to last than love marriage.

the reason for that is culture, most would frown upon a divorce, even if the woman/man gets treated badly, the family would always get involved and there would be a stupid excuse like "if you get a divorce, our family honour is gone!" and some other bull****s

also the woman has to be a virgin, so if she leaves her husband then it's hell for me. those pathetic uneducated people would not leave her alone, and just insult her throughout her life. i've heard some stories such as the whole family doing suicide, to save the family's honour.

it's so sad, that in these arranged marriage the woman can be raped by her husband, if she doesn't want to do sex. no one is going to do anything about it. :frown:

arranged marriage? over my dead body :cool:

Reply 43

S.R

Yay. It's every loser basement virgin's dream. No but seriously I personally think Western courtship has become far too random. It's all go about your lives and hope you randomly run into someone you like and that likes you back. It's far too random for me and I gave up years ago. I don't think full on arranged marriages would suit Western society but at least a system where you are set up with dates or something i.e "arranged girl/boyfriend"?

Reply 44

Monarose

I wouldn't personally want it. If I'm signing up for a (theoretically) lifelong commitment with somebody, it should be somebody that I get along with.

Mind you, a very wise Sheldon Cooper said: "Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century. Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well."

If the two people are both consenting for the arranged marriage, then I don't mind it. Who am I to judge?

Sheldon Cooper quote- whoop whoop! :wink:

Reply 45

Emanseru

As long as it's an 'arranged' and not a 'forced' marriage and both sides are willing. I wouldn't participate though.

Reply 46

Ivanka

I have no intention whatsoever to participate in it, be me a parent or a child, even if the person that would be about to marry would have a say in the process. It can surely work well for some people, but if someone has different preferences that their parents don't respect, it can be a problem. Besides, I can't imagine myself finding my children spouses. I don't want to deal with it at all.

Reply 47

username927016

I think they're only really ok if you also have an option for an unarranged marriage, only having your parents decide the possible people you could marry means it may take a while to find a perfect match due to like religious/cultural factors.

Reply 48

kunoichi

Original post by piya21

Thank you

Reply 49

Goody2Shoes-x

Original post by piya21

I see where you're coming from, but surely the definition of "arranged" marriage is about how you met, not how you feel - as in, a family member/family friend (usually) introduced you two, and then you get to know them, to varying degrees depending on the couple and their families? It doesn't mean that an arranged marriage can't have the couple fall in love before the wedding?

Erm, you just answered your own question with "refused and had to push on". The OP clearly stated this was about arranged marriage where BOTH parties have given their consent.

My point was that either way, could the marriage be seen as truly arranged? But my question was anwsered - it's still considered an arranged marriage if the couple fall in love, it's just then considered a good arranged marriage.

In which case, I'm against it arranged marriage, as I believe love and compatability should be the main focus of a marriage and the whole reason for entering into one.

Reply 50

Smophie

I'd be much happier with the decision if I could have more options with regards to children, I'm pretty sure I don't want any but arranged marriages are often about bringing families together and children factor into that quite a bit.

Reply 51

bex1994

as long as it isn't forced, but I wonder even if it is not forced, would there be a lot of pressure? That's where an issue is with me

Reply 52

Aspiring Medic 7

Original post by cruzxx

Exactly! I would be fine with it as long as I had the final say :smile:

and besides, studies show that arranged marriages last longer than love marriages

Exactly... USA has the highest divorce rates or something right? Correct me if I'm wrong haha

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Reply 53

Aspiring Medic 7

Original post by Goody2Shoes-x

You'd still be compatible and in love with them... it's like a dating agency, only your parents set you up. The marriage is entered for the same reasons, the meeting is all that is different.

I don't agree with forced love marriages either, but I don't understand the difference between a blind date, being set up by friends or this!

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Reply 54

Meghna96

Yay, because you will get to know him, their family, and then you still have a choice to say yes or no. Plus, your parents will be happy as well as you :biggrin:

Reply 55

Miss G

It's not something I would consider for myself. I want to have built a loving relationship with the person I'm marrying before hand. I want them to feel like family, before I officialy make them my family. Saying yes to arranged marriage is like agreeing to a very extreme form of blind dating. I suppose, however, for those who do not like to take responsibility for their actions, it would be perfect.

Reply 56

senz72

Yay! Because otherwise who the hell will be married to me?! :tongue:

I'd better buy myself a few cats to keep me company instead. :frown:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 57

hali0112

Original post by Anonymous

Please note I said arranged marriage where the female and male willingly go into marriage not forced marriage.

Do you think it's a good/bad thing? And why?

I know a lot of people would say no without a second thought. They like the idea of finding someone themselves. But in the Western World many people do get introduced to each other in other ways and you don't realise it. For example when you ask your friends if they know any single men or if you go to a party and a friend introduces you to someone else at the party or you each bring a friend on a double date. Yes, on these occasions the pressure is not there or the pressure is not as intense as in an arranged introduction. Whereas in an arranged introduction both people know where it'll lead and they don't get the chance to see what happens or take it at a suitable pace.

I am open to the idea. A lot of people are against it outright but I have some relationship experience so know what the other option is. I always wonder what would happen if I get to 35 and am still single. I want the opportunity to have my own family and marriage and I don't want to be alone. Yes I may not have had the initial buzz and feelings of lust and butterflies but I've had that once before and that goes so fast. Arranged marriages just skip that step. Often the love is also very different. It's more about companionship, company and security and the love is more stable. It's more stable from my experiences of family members and it's a good stable environment to bring up kids too. Also it's foundation is based more on compatibility rather than lust which may prove more long lasting.

I hope to meet my husband myself but sometimes that just doesn't happen and I don't want to give up my chance of having a family by leaving it to fate and then end up alone. This way I get to experience family life and children and a different kind of loving relationship. I know many people in arranged marriages and in my culture, you can say no. My mum turned down so many men before she agreed to date my dad. And they went out a few times and got to know each other and my mum eventually said yes. She liked my dad. She wasn't pushed or forced in any way. It's just an introduction at the end of the day.

I think it depends on your expectations and awareness of reality in contrast to expectations.

Reply 58

Purplestars1

Original post by letsbehonest

If the arranged marriage thing allowed me to have a 'trial period' where I went on dates and found out more about him and then fell in love with him then why not? For the trial period to even commence, he would have to satisfy a few critreas first, such as a decent job, education, dark tall and handsome etc

I assummed that most arranged marraiges did have a trial period whereyou meet eachother ? .. maybe im wrong

Reply 59

letsbehonest

Original post by Purplestars1

I assummed that most arranged marraiges did have a trial period whereyou meet eachother ? .. maybe im wrong

I don't know much about arranged marriages either, but I assume you get to find out about him/her but in some strict cultures you can't go on dates and stuff and spend time together without parents being there? That sounds a tad dodgey but ya no what I mean ^_^ Just guessing