can't stop getting paranoid
Hi
Situation is as old as the world. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for few months. It all started very well and he was well into me, more than I was at the time with him which probably sparked his attentions. We used to be good friends and I remember him liking this one girl who was friends with his ex. He even told me he thinks she is super hot, but he can't really go out with her, because she is a friend of his ex and that wouldn't be nice and breaking some sort of unwritten rules. (This happened short before we got together). I kind of forgot about it. Then we got together and it was crazy, romantic for first 2 months, now we are already in this calm point of being together where we are comfortable with each other and not so much is going on. And now I have noticed that he is still communicating with that other girl. She is constantly on his facebook, she comes up first in the "search" bar when you type the first letter of her name which means he looks her profile up, I have noticed that if she appears on facebook while I am sitting next to him he glances at me (but maybe I am freaking out for no reason) he is occasionally going out with his friends and not taking me with him (which sort of is fine, i don't believe that couples should be stuck to each other all the time, but I know that she is out there too and God knows what are they doing). I think, because we have already calmed down + me not having so many friends as him (I moved to this city just some time ago and had lots of problems I had to sort out instead of making new friends) + him being very attractive and very social, especially with girls - chatting to unknown people a lot + this going out without me has made me very very paranoid. I have tried to talk with him about the whole going out thing, but he has always positioned himself as out going kind of guy and told me that if he would ever feel like he wants to cheat or be with someone else he would tell me immediately, because there is no point with messing with other people's feelings and I do believe him. I guess I am worried that he has this thing for that girl, because she is unreachable and he supposedly can't go after her and that makes her very desirable in his eyes. And this just makes me feel all time low and I am dreading that comparing to her I probably feel like an old, comfortable blanket and that is about it. I don't want to be crazy, jealous girlfriend, but this is eating me from the inside
Situation is as old as the world. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for few months. It all started very well and he was well into me, more than I was at the time with him which probably sparked his attentions. We used to be good friends and I remember him liking this one girl who was friends with his ex. He even told me he thinks she is super hot, but he can't really go out with her, because she is a friend of his ex and that wouldn't be nice and breaking some sort of unwritten rules. (This happened short before we got together). I kind of forgot about it. Then we got together and it was crazy, romantic for first 2 months, now we are already in this calm point of being together where we are comfortable with each other and not so much is going on. And now I have noticed that he is still communicating with that other girl. She is constantly on his facebook, she comes up first in the "search" bar when you type the first letter of her name which means he looks her profile up, I have noticed that if she appears on facebook while I am sitting next to him he glances at me (but maybe I am freaking out for no reason) he is occasionally going out with his friends and not taking me with him (which sort of is fine, i don't believe that couples should be stuck to each other all the time, but I know that she is out there too and God knows what are they doing). I think, because we have already calmed down + me not having so many friends as him (I moved to this city just some time ago and had lots of problems I had to sort out instead of making new friends) + him being very attractive and very social, especially with girls - chatting to unknown people a lot + this going out without me has made me very very paranoid. I have tried to talk with him about the whole going out thing, but he has always positioned himself as out going kind of guy and told me that if he would ever feel like he wants to cheat or be with someone else he would tell me immediately, because there is no point with messing with other people's feelings and I do believe him. I guess I am worried that he has this thing for that girl, because she is unreachable and he supposedly can't go after her and that makes her very desirable in his eyes. And this just makes me feel all time low and I am dreading that comparing to her I probably feel like an old, comfortable blanket and that is about it. I don't want to be crazy, jealous girlfriend, but this is eating me from the inside
Original post by Tim2341
Can't you just ask him quite frankly about your worries, otherwise how else can you ameliorate these concerns?
To save people googling.
a·me·lio·rate
Make (something bad or unsatisfactory) better.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Tim2341
Can't you just ask him quite frankly about your worries, otherwise how else can you ameliorate these concerns?
I have already talked with him about me being worried when he goes out. If I start going on about this girl too, I am scared he will just think I am crazy, jealous and what the hell he is doing with me. Who likes insecure people? No one.
i agree, the only way to stop your paranoia is to discuss your insecurity with him. You don't have to do it in a very heated and emotional way but rather quite lightly. Everyone has little insecurities, so don't worry.
But perhaps realise that you also need to keep control of your paranoia, if you really trust him- then choose to trust him!
Probably your feelings would be less strong if, as you said, you had as many good friends as him and were going out with them- there would be more balance
But perhaps realise that you also need to keep control of your paranoia, if you really trust him- then choose to trust him!
Probably your feelings would be less strong if, as you said, you had as many good friends as him and were going out with them- there would be more balance
Original post by annielowe
I have already talked with him about me being worried when he goes out. If I start going on about this girl too, I am scared he will just think I am crazy, jealous and what the hell he is doing with me. Who likes insecure people? No one.
You could either follow him discretely about just to check or talk to this girl, or you could exercise a thing called trust. However, if he isn't trustworthy, is he really worth your affections? You deserve better if he is the worst case scenario, perhaps let things take its course and see what happens. If you think about it, why would this other girl tolerate being 2nd best if she knew he had a girlfriend(yourself), it's only a matter of time before you know what he has decided. Otherwise if you can't talk to him, then the only thing is to trust him. I'm not a relationship expert but they tend to say 'communication' and 'trust' is the glue that holds a lasting relationship together. Love is pointless if it is one sided.
(edited 11 years ago)
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