The Student Room Group

Is this bad or not?

Wanted people's opinion on this. Having a private dance with a stripper and have a long term gf.

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Well, If by private dance you mean sex and by stripper you mean prostitute, then yes.

Otherwise, not really, kind of standard stag night procedure. But maybe ask yourself what it is the stripper offered that you're not comfortable asking from your girlfriend.
Reply 2
Original post by Hal.E.Lujah
Well, If by private dance you mean sex and by stripper you mean prostitute, then yes.

Otherwise, not really, kind of standard stag night procedure. But maybe ask yourself what it is the stripper offered that you're not comfortable asking from your girlfriend.


Nothing different. I was forced to go basically by my friends. I usually resist and it was my first private dance ever.
Reply 3
it depends on your relationships/girlfriend.

I mean some things would be an obvious "of course thats alright" and somethings like cheating or whatever would be an obvious "of course not" but this is more of a grey area that we can't really answer. You know your relationship better than anyone here do you think its ok?
Reply 4
Original post by boba
it depends on your relationships/girlfriend.

I mean some things would be an obvious "of course thats alright" and somethings like cheating or whatever would be an obvious "of course not" but this is more of a grey area that we can't really answer. You know your relationship better than anyone here do you think its ok?


Exactly. I mean some loving couples have open relationships, whereas others don't even talk casually to the other sex. You set your own rules.
Reply 5
Original post by boba
it depends on your relationships/girlfriend.

I mean some things would be an obvious "of course thats alright" and somethings like cheating or whatever would be an obvious "of course not" but this is more of a grey area that we can't really answer. You know your relationship better than anyone here do you think its ok?


I don't think it's ok, hence guilt. However, I asked her before hand saying this may happen with my friends. She was sad but said I always am loyal and nice for the past 6 years.

I think it's cheating no doubt. Nipple and bum kissing e.t.c.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think it's ok, hence guilt. However, I asked her before hand saying this may happen with my friends. She was sad but said I always am loyal and nice for the past 6 years.

I think it's cheating no doubt. Nipple and bum kissing e.t.c.


your post implied a standard dance, as in you sit and they dance infont of/ on you not you kissing their nipples and bums :confused:

edit: obviously these things happen but its not what I would think of someone who was saying they had a standard dance and were worried about what their girlfriend would think meant
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 7
Original post by boba
your post implied a standard dance, as in you sit and they dance infont of/ on you not you kissing their nipples and bums :confused:

edit: obviously these things happen but its not what I would think of someone who was saying they had a standard dance and were worried about what their girlfriend would think meant


Well it was supposed to be a standard dance but she asked if I had a girlfriend and tbh was quite OTT. I am aware this is isn't standard stuff but she forced herself on me.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Well it was supposed to be a standard dance but she asked if I had a girlfriend and tbh was quite OTT. I am aware this is isn't standard stuff but she forced herself on me.


well anyway despite my surprise at what the dance actually contained my point is still the same, it depends on the relationship. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend about it if you are so unsure/feeling bad.
Original post by Anonymous

I think it's cheating no doubt. Nipple and bum kissing e.t.c.



Yeah, I stand by what I said before then. Kinda wrong, I'd be really unhappy doing it myself, let alone if it was the other way around.

As someone said, maybe it would be ok in some relationships. But in my opinion, it's a bit out of line. Remove the paid element from it, would your girlfriend let you get away with doing that to a friend of yours?

To be honest, I wouldn't call this cheating. Cheating, in my mind, is when there's that moment of betrayal, when one partner decides they don't care if this hurts the other person sometime down the line. Doesn't really sound like you've had that.
Reply 10
I don't think it counts as cheating- firstly you were honest about where you were going and what might happen, and secondly you didn't really want it. This kind of stuff must go down all the time on stag and equivalently on hen nights before people get married. I wouldn't worry so much.
Reply 11
Original post by boba
well anyway despite my surprise at what the dance actually contained my point is still the same, it depends on the relationship. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend about it if you are so unsure/feeling bad.


I have. She was upset but is over it. Thing is, it kind of scarred me. Made me think how addictive it would be to sleep around with many diff girls which is why I always avoid these situations. I feel guilty but same time I enjoyed it.
Reply 12
Original post by Hal.E.Lujah
Yeah, I stand by what I said before then. Kinda wrong, I'd be really unhappy doing it myself, let alone if it was the other way around.

As someone said, maybe it would be ok in some relationships. But in my opinion, it's a bit out of line. Remove the paid element from it, would your girlfriend let you get away with doing that to a friend of yours?

To be honest, I wouldn't call this cheating. Cheating, in my mind, is when there's that moment of betrayal, when one partner decides they don't care if this hurts the other person sometime down the line. Doesn't really sound like you've had that.


Sensible post. Yeah it was a mixed bag because she gave me consent to have fun. But same time neither of us knew it would be like this. I think she regrets it and tbh so do I. She will always be first for me and it is a setback in our eyes as I want to marry her and vice versa.
Original post by Anonymous
Sensible post. Yeah it was a mixed bag because she gave me consent to have fun. But same time neither of us knew it would be like this. I think she regrets it and tbh so do I. She will always be first for me and it is a setback in our eyes as I want to marry her and vice versa.



It's scary right? This last year I've had so many potential cheat opportunities, and the horrible realisation that it could happen and be gotten away with so easily really makes you realise how much your partner means to you. Sounds like you told her, and things are all on track, happy for you! :cheers:
Reply 14
Original post by benjamez
I don't think it counts as cheating- firstly you were honest about where you were going and what might happen, and secondly you didn't really want it. This kind of stuff must go down all the time on stag and equivalently on hen nights before people get married. I wouldn't worry so much.


cheers mate
Reply 15
Original post by Hal.E.Lujah
It's scary right? This last year I've had so many potential cheat opportunities, and the horrible realisation that it could happen and be gotten away with so easily really makes you realise how much your partner means to you. Sounds like you told her, and things are all on track, happy for you! :cheers:


Thanks! Yeah you completely get me! It frightened me how easy it was. I don't want to do it and have been loyal for 6 years and avoided all possible links but for some reason this event really struck me. As you say, it shows how much she means to me that I am dwelling on it. Yeah it's all on track, hope things are going well for you too!
Reply 16
If I found out my boyfriend were doing that, I'd be hella pissed. Firstly, she can't give him anything I can't and secondly it's a waste of money! So in my opinion, it is wrong - especially if your girlfriend doesn't know and you know she would be against it.


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Reply 17
Original post by eliza.anne
If I found out my boyfriend were doing that, I'd be hella pissed. Firstly, she can't give him anything I can't and secondly it's a waste of money! So in my opinion, it is wrong - especially if your girlfriend doesn't know and you know she would be against it.


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Tbf that's like saying I have a penis so I am no different to Brad Pitt.
Reply 18
The desire to sleep with other people is completely natural. If you truly love your partner though and the relationship you have is great, that will always counterbalance and win out.
As others have said, different relationships have different boundaries.

However, I would be so upset if my boyfriend did this to me. I don't mind strip clubs and going out with your mates to them, but I draw the line at private dances for the very reason you've just mentioned - it's too tempting. And the idea of kissing her nipples or touching her bum...that makes my skin crawl.

I'm sorry, but you said that you told your girlfriend that you were going first (which was good, let me just say), and that you might end up being persuaded into things by your friends. You said that she said okay but was visibly saddened by this. Surely that should have been an indication that she wasn't really okay with this, and so you should have gone out of your way to not make her insecure, aka, not taking liberties with her permission by getting a private dance. Also, you're a big boy - can't you say no to your friends? If they were your friends they wouldn't be trying to put you in a position which might (in a weaker case) break your relationship.

You didn't cheat, but I certainly don't think you were right, and if I was your girlfriend I would feel like my trust had been betrayed, and I would be watching you a bit more closely now. I let you go to a strip club, and you took advantage of my trust.

Having said that, the fact that you're feeling guilty for it is good, and it's clear that you don't want to do it again. I'd be really on my guard if I were you though, as clearly you can be tempted if the opportunity arises, and if you love this girl, you'll understand that doing that will hurt her.

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