How to break up with him? Any advice??

I've been the bloke in this situation and you should know if you decide to do this there's no going back.
He won't magically be your best friend again and it will never be the same as it was. You'd be foolish to think otherwise.
The thing is, he's always seen you in a romantic light and now he's with you, this is as good as it gets for him. Going from that back to best friend again just won't be possible. You'll lose not only your boyfriend but your best friend too. Ultimately, if your heart isn't in the relationship anyway, then why be with him?
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but its the cold truth and it sucks. I know.

Okay... set the scene. l started dating my best friend 2.5 months ago, known him for 5 or so years. He told me he loved me, I said it back on impulse, but I was never really sure (I made a thread on it earlier).

I feel like... after thinking carefully, seeing how things were if I distanced myself from him and really just coming to terms with myself... I love him more like a friend, love him to absolute bits. But not as a boyfriend.

So... bit of a pickle. I need to break up with him, because I can't be stringing him along any more, he's my best friend and I don't want to hurt him. But I need to make sure our friendship survives it, ill be gutted if it doesn't.

Anybody have any advice whatsoever for me? I would really appreciate it guys, anything at all. Thanks.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I don't think you're going to get your best friend back if you break up with him like this. It happened to two of my friends in school, exact same way, he just didn't talk to her much again and he had been crazy about her before and a really good boyfriend. And no this wasn't me :P

If you think about it from his POV, why would he want to keep being reminded about what he craves/loves, to limit the pain he will just distance himself from you. Obviously it will be in a subtle manner, to prevent things from being awkward, but it will certainly happen and be prolonged.

On the back of this, I would say give it another while to make sure you don't like him as a BF. People change as a relationship progresses.

If you are very devilish, you could even highlight in certain ways that the relationship is not really working out, as opposed to just coming out and saying it's over. Do this over a while and he may even be the one to start slowing things down!

I don't think it's realistic for you to think that things will even be close to normal with him.

Best of luck sorting it all out though, that stuff is never easy! Also, it's near exam season, might want to take that into consideration as well!

Seriously, how the **** is this helpful? Best friends certainly don't stick with someone they don't want to be with and just let them eventually lose all of their confidence as they slowly realise that it is a shell of a relationship.

Holy crap that's a messed up situation.

I've seen something similar happen in my friends circle. My bird's best friend and my best mate got introduced after we started dating and they got along really well. Eventually the 4 of us began hanging out a lot, and surprise surprise he started fancying her. They're both awesome people and I thought it would work, she seemed very fond of him and all. Started dating and a few months down the road, this girl (my mate's girlfriend ) at the time calls me at like 3 am one weekend and says she needs to talk and its urgent, so we spoke for quite a long time on the phone and she said it was really comfortable with him as friends and she enjoyed his company a lot and felt she could trust him. Also said she found him quite attractive but there was no spark, and since she hadn't dated before, she said yes when he wanted to go out with her...liked how the dates went so went along with it thinking she'd develop feelings. 5 months later - nothing, and she didn't want to string him along cause of the same reasons as you've said basically...she eventually had a really long chat with him, and went into detail about everything, explained it all to him, and told him she was really sorry, and she wished it could work etc. My mate had the wind knocked out of him cause he thought they were doing well, but she made it clear, she wanted to be friends, and would give him space if he needed, but no matter what she wanted to be a part of his life.
My tip - have the talk, and soon, when you're alone and have a LOT of time to talk. Explain everything, be honest about everything 100%. He'll be angry for a bit (at least my mate was) but eventually (2-3 months after the breakup, he 'got it' and moved on. Went to her and said he was sorry for being distant and needed the time apart (crucial, spend some time apart, cause if not, he'll see you, feelings will be there and there will be bitterness - best to be away, let him think it out, gain some perspective, heal etc). It'll take time, but eventually if he's the awesome and understanding guy you say he is, he'll see your point of view.



I think he used to /still posts on here. So anon .

This happened to my friend too. She dated her friend for a week before she admitted to him that she didn't feel that way about him.

I'd say just tell him the truth, say that you thought that you might love him but you realise now that you only love him like a friend. He'll probably be a little hurt for a few weeks but he'll appreciate your honesty in the end.

All the best.

<3 x

You have to come to terms with the very real possibility that he will not be your best friend afterwards. If he is in the state that you're describing, chances are that he'll do what any rational human beings do after a breakup and stay the distance. Perhaps after a couple of months things might change, but there is no honest reason that someone would stay with the daily reminder of pain, except in the case of masochistic self-denial. And to avoid self-denial, for his sake, you have a responsibility to be very straight and thorough with him.

He will only get over it when he realises he doesn't have feelings for you any more, which could take any time between a couple months and never.

You're probably going to lose a friend but it's better than pretending to have a relationship.

Posted from TSR Mobile

In a nutshell hopefully not though!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you. So do these two people have a happy friendship again? Does he feel like he can talk to her as normal or has this affected their relationship?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeh the sooner the better. Are they back to normal? Thanks

Posted from TSR Mobile

In a nutshell hopefully not though!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you so much. Yeah ill tell him everything basically, because there's no point in hiding anything, just gonna be totally straight with him.

Yes that's true. I dont want to ask them for advice on the situation only because, on the face of it, it seems like the relationship is going really well. And I know they'd be shocked to find out I'm like this.

Plus, I want him to be the first person I know personally (sorry people of tsr, you don't really count ) to know about how I'm feeling towards him. I dont want him to hear anything secondhand.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Its just that we've been friends for so long, and I don't even know what it is but I preferred him so much more as a friend than a boyfriend!

I can't help it, trust me I feel awful about it, but I just don't feel that attraction I suppose.

He's amazing, he knows me inside out! So sweet, loves me to bits. But I just want my best friend back (

Posted from TSR Mobile

We all hang out like before, but its much less frequent. She makes sure to call him/text him whenever everyone's doing something together, but he keeps his distance from the bigger group a fair amount. He's really nice to her though, but he'll never go discuss issues with her like he did before they dated...maybe that'll come with more time. She was prb the closest girl 'friend' he's had, and he's told me its not the same, but I think things will be back to normal as friends in a few months (especially if he starts seeing this new girl he has a crush on).

Thing is, your situation is exponentiated as you guys have been best friends for ages, plus he seems to have very strong feelings for you. Does he have any idea you feel like this? Biggest issue for my friend was that this kind of came out of the blue. It'll be hard on this guy, but you're doing the right thing. Its probably not what you want to hear, but the sad truth is it'll probably hurt this guy a lot since he seems very attached to you.

I really think it'll be difficult for him. There will always be that persona that he felt really close to you, but you didn't really have the same feelings for him in the same way. That's always the danger of having a relationship, when it really should just be a close friendship. It sucks for the guy, trust me.

Just tell him honestly, as others have said, be straight with him. Better to tell the truth now, when you'll regret it later. And for what other people think and say, ignore them, it's just their mumblings; what counts is your relationship and his feelings.

Good luck