Discovered online video of ex-girlfriend?!
Background:
Around a year ago, my girlfriend of three years decided to break-up with me suddenly over the phone whilst we were both at different universities. She pretty much cut contact straight away without any closure and it took my ages to get over everything.
She got a new boyfriend shortly afterwards who it turned out she met the night after broke up which was a further kick in the teeth. She never knew him before this night before people think she dumped me to be with him, I know this for certain.
Now:
A few days ago I got an anonymous message on FB from an account someone made for the sole purpose of sending me a link. The link was a video of my ex-girlfriend on a webcam stripping and making certain sexual gestures. I was thrown back at first because I have not spoken/seen/heard from her at all for over a year.
I'm caught between whether to just ignore it or use this as some sort of revenge. I was cut up about how she treated me during the break-up. Post break-up, I texted her several times wanting a explanation for the the break-up but she ignored me outright and portrayed me to be a "weirdo" for pestering her.
Should I leave it or use this to exact some kind of revenge?
Around a year ago, my girlfriend of three years decided to break-up with me suddenly over the phone whilst we were both at different universities. She pretty much cut contact straight away without any closure and it took my ages to get over everything.
She got a new boyfriend shortly afterwards who it turned out she met the night after broke up which was a further kick in the teeth. She never knew him before this night before people think she dumped me to be with him, I know this for certain.
Now:
A few days ago I got an anonymous message on FB from an account someone made for the sole purpose of sending me a link. The link was a video of my ex-girlfriend on a webcam stripping and making certain sexual gestures. I was thrown back at first because I have not spoken/seen/heard from her at all for over a year.
I'm caught between whether to just ignore it or use this as some sort of revenge. I was cut up about how she treated me during the break-up. Post break-up, I texted her several times wanting a explanation for the the break-up but she ignored me outright and portrayed me to be a "weirdo" for pestering her.
Should I leave it or use this to exact some kind of revenge?
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Things could get out of hand if you use it as revenge.
What will you gain from 'framing' her? Just ignore it, remember it came from an anonymous fb account, she/the boyfriend or one of their friends are trying to tease you......
Just ignore it to wind her up even more.
What will you gain from 'framing' her? Just ignore it, remember it came from an anonymous fb account, she/the boyfriend or one of their friends are trying to tease you......
Just ignore it to wind her up even more.
Don't use it to exact revenge or you'll be as bad as her. Chances are the person who sent it to you will send it to others so just be the bigger person and ignore it. Or even send her a message saying about the video and warning her about it, make her feel like an utter tit without looking like a douchebag yourself.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by James A
Things could get out of hand if you use it as revenge.
What will you gain from 'framing' her? Just ignore it, remember it came from an anonymous fb account, she/the boyfriend or one of their friends are trying to tease you......
Just ignore it to wind her up even more.
What will you gain from 'framing' her? Just ignore it, remember it came from an anonymous fb account, she/the boyfriend or one of their friends are trying to tease you......
Just ignore it to wind her up even more.
Common sense is telling me to just ignore it, I'd forgotten about her completely lately but this incident has brought up past feelings.
I've not spoken to her or any of her friends at all since the break-up and I've never met or spoken to new bf or anyone associated with him. He doesn't even know I existed- I live of the other side of the country. I don't see how someone is trying to tease me a year later, The video has a date upload stamp form 6 months ago too.
I highly doubt she knows about the video, she portrays herself to be all prim and proper and knowing this was out there would horrify her- she wouldn't be using it to tease someone she broke up with a year ago.
Original post by eliza.anne
Don't use it to exact revenge or you'll be as bad as her. Chances are the person who sent it to you will send it to others so just be the bigger person and ignore it. Or even send her a message saying about the video and warning her about it, make her feel like an utter tit without looking like a douchebag yourself.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm not going to warn her about, the ***** doesn't deserve the courtesy.
The person who sent it obviously knew about what happened between us because the message said- "shes not all she makes out to be".
Another thing is from the video that she clearly knows the person she is stripping for. As in, it is not chat roulette or some randomer on a webcam site. My theory is that her current boyfriend may have been skyping with her and recorded and uploaded it to a porn site.
Honest advice would be don't do anything. I imagine the temptation to exact some kind of revenge would be attractive (considering some of my exes, I could see the appeal) but in a few years time you're just going to feel scummy and guilty for it. Do nothing and you can feel confident you were the bigger man.
Have you tried replying to the account that sent you the link? Try and figure out who it was and what their motivations are (not gonna lie, quite curious myself!
)
Have you tried replying to the account that sent you the link? Try and figure out who it was and what their motivations are (not gonna lie, quite curious myself!
)Original post by MelanieDickson
Honest advice would be don't do anything. I imagine the temptation to exact some kind of revenge would be attractive (considering some of my exes, I could see the appeal) but in a few years time you're just going to feel scummy and guilty for it. Do nothing and you can feel confident you were the bigger man.
Have you tried replying to the account that sent you the link? Try and figure out who it was and what their motivations are (not gonna lie, quite curious myself! )
Have you tried replying to the account that sent you the link? Try and figure out who it was and what their motivations are (not gonna lie, quite curious myself!
)Thanks for the advice, as you point out it is really tempting and I'm fighting the urge to do something.
I asked the person who they were and why they sent it to me and they replied with- "Obviously I know you and your ex but I don't want people knowing about my porn viewing habits lol"
I asked if they sent it to anyone else and they replied No and they were going to deactivated the account they had set up
I'm guessing this might be someone who has a problem with my ex and thinks I'd take the bait and do something with it but if their anonymous they could do it themselves.
Pretty confused and trying to work who and why...
Original post by Nutella:3
Some people have actually been arrested for using stuff like this as revenge, so no. I'd do the honest thing and talk to her, tell her someone sent you it and you don't know where it came from.
I'm not sure you could get arrested for this. Who would be culpable, the person who sent me the link. the person who uploaded it to a porn site or the person who recorded the webcam?
She may have recorded it herself- who knows. I'm sure the only legal issue here would be Copyright Law.
If I were you I'd send her the link.
Tell her that someone sent you this link anonymously and that since you know how important her reputation is to her you wanted to give her the opportunity to be able to try and get the video down as you'd hate for her family and friends to see it. Tell her that you know someone else who was sent this link and you don't know who else may have already seen it.
Mention that you hope she is doing well and wish that you were contacting her under better circumstances.
By doing this you let her know that you've seen this, insinuate that everyone else has saw it and look like you are just being a good guy while in reality you are torturing her since the thought of everyone seeing it and not knowing is probably even worse than everyone having watched it.
If you never uploaded it in the first place and don't send the link to anyone else you are covered and the damage has been done.
You get your revenge while maintaining the appearance of a caring, mature and respectable individual even though we all know you will not be.
Job well done.
Tell her that someone sent you this link anonymously and that since you know how important her reputation is to her you wanted to give her the opportunity to be able to try and get the video down as you'd hate for her family and friends to see it. Tell her that you know someone else who was sent this link and you don't know who else may have already seen it.
Mention that you hope she is doing well and wish that you were contacting her under better circumstances.
By doing this you let her know that you've seen this, insinuate that everyone else has saw it and look like you are just being a good guy while in reality you are torturing her since the thought of everyone seeing it and not knowing is probably even worse than everyone having watched it.
If you never uploaded it in the first place and don't send the link to anyone else you are covered and the damage has been done.
You get your revenge while maintaining the appearance of a caring, mature and respectable individual even though we all know you will not be.
Job well done.
Oh god. Just ignore it, you can get into trouble for using as revenge, assuming you mean send it around.
Its what happened to these girls I knew, they decided to take pictures of them shoving hairbrushes up their poom, everyone who sent the photo got into trouble. O;
Ignoring it would be best, unless you wanna use it to jerk off to, your choice
Its what happened to these girls I knew, they decided to take pictures of them shoving hairbrushes up their poom, everyone who sent the photo got into trouble. O;
Ignoring it would be best, unless you wanna use it to jerk off to, your choice
No matter what this girl has done to you she doesn't deserve this. No one does. You risk ruining her career, turning her friends against her and utterly humiliating her. Yes she may have dumped you harshly, but that's life I'm afraid.
Furthermore, what could you possibly gain from this other than 'revenge'? You'll be known as the bitter ex who ruined someone's life, and, as has been stated above, you risk prosecution for doing so.
Furthermore, what could you possibly gain from this other than 'revenge'? You'll be known as the bitter ex who ruined someone's life, and, as has been stated above, you risk prosecution for doing so.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not sure you could get arrested for this. Who would be culpable, the person who sent me the link. the person who uploaded it to a porn site or the person who recorded the webcam?
She may have recorded it herself- who knows. I'm sure the only legal issue here would be Copyright Law.
She may have recorded it herself- who knows. I'm sure the only legal issue here would be Copyright Law.
The person who uploaded the video is the most culpable, but distributing something that is intended to be private could get you in serious trouble nonetheless.
People have killed themselves over this exact "bullying".
Do you want that hanging over your head?
Even if you don't tell her she may find out from someone else later down the line, when it's too late, and she may even end her life then.
Tell the poor girl and move on with your life...
Do you want that hanging over your head?
Even if you don't tell her she may find out from someone else later down the line, when it's too late, and she may even end her life then.
Tell the poor girl and move on with your life...
Original post by RightSaidJames
No matter what this girl has done to you she doesn't deserve this. No one does. You risk ruining her career, turning her friends against her and utterly humiliating her. Yes she may have dumped you harshly, but that's life I'm afraid.
Furthermore, what could you possibly gain from this other than 'revenge'? You'll be known as the bitter ex who ruined someone's life, and, as has been stated above, you risk prosecution for doing so.
Furthermore, what could you possibly gain from this other than 'revenge'? You'll be known as the bitter ex who ruined someone's life, and, as has been stated above, you risk prosecution for doing so.
You raise some good points but my choice not to do anything has nothing to do with her deserving it or not.
In all honesty, I have nothing to gain from this I actually don't want to speak to her at all ever again. Just going to leave it.
Original post by AccountingBabe
People have killed themselves over this exact "bullying".
Do you want that hanging over your head?
Even if you don't tell her she may find out from someone else later down the line, when it's too late, and she may even end her life then.
Tell the poor girl and move on with your life...
Do you want that hanging over your head?
Even if you don't tell her she may find out from someone else later down the line, when it's too late, and she may even end her life then.
Tell the poor girl and move on with your life...
What"bullying"?
I haven't done anything.
The best revenge is living well.
Just leave it, do not share it, it might temporarily seem like a bit of fun, but things would just get out of hand and could do a lot of damage, and in the long run it won't make you feel any better or help you to move on with your life.
Just leave it, do not share it, it might temporarily seem like a bit of fun, but things would just get out of hand and could do a lot of damage, and in the long run it won't make you feel any better or help you to move on with your life.
Tell her about it!! Do not use as revenge!!
Why on earth would you need "revenge"? You have no reason to and it would make you look pathetic.
Look, rejection is hard and break ups are hard. But they are a part of life, and you need to learn how to deal with it, and to do so elegantly. And you were so caught up in your own emotions that you cannot see it for what it was. She did not cheat on you. She broke up with you, which everybody is entitled to do, and moved on. We don't always get closure, and half the time when someone is texting someone who broke up with them, they are simply longing for more contact, and the decent thing to do is cut them off. She has committed no crime, even if the break up could have handled slightly better for you personally. She is not obligated to stay single for a certain amount of time after the break up, nor stay in touch with you. You have to move on, start dating again, have no access to her information and forget about it. Talking about it along the lines of "the way she treated me" is ridiculous.
Look, rejection is hard and break ups are hard. But they are a part of life, and you need to learn how to deal with it, and to do so elegantly. And you were so caught up in your own emotions that you cannot see it for what it was. She did not cheat on you. She broke up with you, which everybody is entitled to do, and moved on. We don't always get closure, and half the time when someone is texting someone who broke up with them, they are simply longing for more contact, and the decent thing to do is cut them off. She has committed no crime, even if the break up could have handled slightly better for you personally. She is not obligated to stay single for a certain amount of time after the break up, nor stay in touch with you. You have to move on, start dating again, have no access to her information and forget about it. Talking about it along the lines of "the way she treated me" is ridiculous.
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