The Student Room Group

How to approach girls on campus?

It’s been a several months now since me and my girlfriend broke up and I’m ready to start dating again. I have no idea how to meet girls since most girls I know through friends aren’t very attractive. I see really gorgeous girls on campus all the time but I’ve never in my life just walked up to a girl I didn’t know because I’m quite shy around girls and met my ex through friends.

I have been told I’m very attractive had so many girls have crushes on me when I was in high school several girls actually telling me that to my face. Even when I’m on campus a lot of days I will see at least one girl I don’t even know staring at me or checking me out. I don’t want to sleep around and shag every girl I see but I do want to date several girls so I can see which girls I connect best with and who may be potential girlfriends in the future. But I won’t know unless I date several girls even if it’s only once or twice.

I’ve been approached a few times in clubs which even some of my friends who are attractive have never once had happen to them. I’m so confident talking to girls at pubs or clubs and can easily make them laugh at what I say even if what I’m saying isn’t funny. But I read so so much about how it’s socially unacceptable to go and talk to a girl on campus and how you’re only ‘allowed’ to talk to girls at societies or socials at the pub/clubs or in a party or other social setting with friends. There are a few girls I see on campus regularly who I think are really beautiful but I feel so shy about approaching them and would also worry about being creepy even though what I read online points to the more attractive equals less creepy which puts me at an advantage. The girls I have talked to in the past have said I’m a good listener and called me sweet and my ex said I was the sweetest guy she’s ever met and she’s never had a guy show her so much genuine care.

When I approach girls in clubs in the past these girls all get really excited and flirt with me. I don’t even need to try hard after I’ve initiated conversation but I’m worried it would be weird walking up to a pretty girl on campus just say hey are you off to class or something then ask her what she studies and take the convo from there. I’m worried other people will think it weird or that I’m harassing her or she’ll find it weird even though like I said my interactions in the past with girls have went positively but I’ve never cold approached on campus before. In first year I had several occasions I’d be coming home from the library and a random girl would smile or a group of girls would walk past and giggle looking at me. These are all signs of attraction but I don’t want to come off as weird. Like I’m tall probably 9/10 looks good personal hygiene I smile a lot I’m polite ask questions about girls but I have so much anxiety about this. I’m getting quite lonely now since I’ve been single a while and really want to connect with the opposite sex. And having sex isn’t what I’m looking forward to most it’s emotional connection and romantic intimacy. How do I approach girls I find cute on campus without overthinking so much and to increase my confidence?
Reply 1
So when you say there's girls you don't find attractive are you basing it just on their looks or have you actually got to know them and they have dislikeable personalities?

If it's the former, there's one of your problems, but easily solved. Of course you can talk to girls anytime, but do it to be friends and see how it goes. You don't just randomly walk up to her, though you could do it on your way into/out of class, through a study group or at a society It's just not good to start flirting and getting too involved too soon.

However, looking for a relationship because you're lonely isn't advisable. A partner isn't there to fix a problem like that and it could come over as desperate. Sort that first by waiting until you want a girlfriend for herself and not because you haven't got anybody.
Reply 2
Stick to social situations where singles are looking out for someone. Approaching girls randomly as they go about their everyday business is bad form and poor strategy. If you’re as attractive as you say it shouldn’t be difficult to find a relationship
Original post by Surnia
So when you say there's girls you don't find attractive are you basing it just on their looks or have you actually got to know them and they have dislikeable personalities?

If it's the former, there's one of your problems, but easily solved. Of course you can talk to girls anytime, but do it to be friends and see how it goes. You don't just randomly walk up to her, though you could do it on your way into/out of class, through a study group or at a society It's just not good to start flirting and getting too involved too soon.

However, looking for a relationship because you're lonely isn't advisable. A partner isn't there to fix a problem like that and it could come over as desperate. Sort that first by waiting until you want a girlfriend for herself and not because you haven't got anybody.

There’s nothing wrong with cold-approaching. Women actually prefer men who cold-approach as they rarely get hit on respectfully in real-life.
Original post by Zarek
Stick to social situations where singles are looking out for someone. Approaching girls randomly as they go about their everyday business is bad form and poor strategy. If you’re as attractive as you say it shouldn’t be difficult to find a relationship


Not at all. Countless counter examples.
Original post by Anonymous #2
There’s nothing wrong with cold-approaching. Women actually prefer men who cold-approach as they rarely get hit on respectfully in real-life.
Not at all. Countless counter examples.

This is nonsense!

Mate, I don't know what you're smoking, but I want some.

The whole concept of "cold approaching" is fundamentally flawed... the only time it's ever likely to have any real success is if either:-

a) you're naturally a very good looking charming / charismatic , naturally outgoing / chatty person or

b) if a girl has gone to a lot of trouble for a very niche look, and you can pick up on some very small, specific details.

Think about it logically for a second... an attractive girl is likely to be used to male attention, compliments etc. 24/7, so there's nothing you can tell her that she hasn't already heard 000's of times before. In somewhere like the pub/ club scenario, she's there expecting to be chatted up so she'll be open to offers from the right kind of guy(s). When she's walking around campus she'll be in a completely different mindset. You never know what's going through her mind. it could be any of the following:-

1) She's stressing about a coursework deadline

2) hoping not to miss a bus / train

3) pondering the latest EastEnders or Coronation Street plot

4) the cat may have died.


Any cold approach when she's going about her business will seem like you're interrupting her... or worse still, sneaking up on her. So straight away you're making a bad impression. I've seen several people attempting cold approaching, and almost all the time, it looks like the poor girl can't wait to get away form the guy.

Stop browsing PUA forums, cause they're basically a scam. I mean, you're paying a "coach" who said you'll get a girl after 2-300 approaches, seriously WTF?!?
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Old Skool Freak
This is nonsense!

I don't know what you're smoking mate, but I want some.

The whole concept of "cold approaching" is fundamentally flawed... the only time it's ever likely to have any real success is if either:-

a) you're naturally a very good looking charming / charismatic , naturally outgoing / chatty person or
b) if a girl has gone to a lot of trouble for a very niche look, and you can pick up on some very small, specific details.

Think about it logically for a second... an attractive girl is likely to be used to male attention, compliments etc. 24/7, so there's nothing you can tell her that she hasn't already heard 000's of times before. In somewhere like the pub/ club scenario, she's there expecting to be chatted up so she'll be open to offers from the right kind of guy(s). When she's walking around campus she'll be in a completely different mindset. You never know what's going through her mind. it could be any of the following:-

a) She's stressing about a coursework deadline
b) hoping not to miss a bus / train
c) pondering the latest EastEnders or Coronation Street plot
d) the cat may have died.

Any cold approach when she's going about her business will seem like you're interrupting her... or worse still, sneaking up on her. So straight away you're making a bad impression.

Stop browsing PUA forums, cause they're basically a scam. I mean, you're paying a "coach" who said you'll get a girl after 2-300 approaches, seriously WTF?!?

Your response is fundamentally flawed.

Women know a lot of guys don’t have the confidence to approach them in real life like on a campus so appreciate it when it happens.

If they’re not in the mood to talk they won’t talk, but surprisingly a lot are happy to talk and have a conversation.

If you cold-approach a woman in the park / walking around on the weekend or on a campus, they would likely be happy to talk depending on the way you approach.

Watch the Social Animal episodes to see lots of counter examples.
Original post by Anonymous #2
Your response is fundamentally flawed.
Women know a lot of guys don’t have the confidence to approach them in real life like on a campus so appreciate it when it happens.
If they’re not in the mood to talk they won’t talk, but surprisingly a lot are happy to talk and have a conversation.
If you cold-approach a woman in the park / walking around on the weekend or on a campus, they would likely be happy to talk depending on the way you approach.
Watch the Social Animal episodes to see lots of counter examples.

They may be happy to talk if, maybe you can catch their eye and get a smile from them (the likelihood is that they find you good looking)... but this doesn't happen to most guys.

I would say the evidence (on this forum) suggests most girls don't like being cold approached by strangers.... this thread below for example:-

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7438095

but let's put it to the test and ask them... Girls, do you like it when a random person comes and tries to chat you up when you're going about your day-to-day business?

Besides, if you're so confident in your answers, why are you posting anonymously?
Another vote for sticking to more social situations for the most part rather than a scattershot approach.

Spontaneously chatting to people and finding that you get on is awesome. Cold approach techniques are excruciating and unwelcome.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
They may be happy to talk if, maybe you can catch their eye and get a smile from them (the likelihood is that they find you good looking)... but this doesn't happen to most guys.

I would say the evidence (on this forum) suggests most girls don't like being cold approached by strangers.... this thread below for example:-

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7438095

but let's put it to the test and ask them... Girls, do you like it when a random person comes and tries to chat you up when you're going about your day-to-day business?

Besides, if you're so confident in your answers, why are you posting anonymously?

Why don’t you check out Social Animal as I said to see hundreds of counter-examples?

There’s nothing wrong with cold-approaching. How did people make friends before there were phones? There’s nothing wrong with talking to a stranger.
Original post by Anonymous #2
Why don’t you check out Social Animal as I said to see hundreds of counter-examples?

I've Googled your Social Animal reference, and personally I wouldn't trust a random YouTube channel (cause everything on the Internet is true, innit bruv lol). Sure they may have some successful encounters, but who has vetted and verified their work? Have they shown this works for a wide range of guys? How do we know they haven't "cherry-picked" the few successful encounters and omitted 000's of knockbacks?

I'll wager they're trying to sell a product /service.

There’s nothing wrong with cold-approaching.


There are several examples on this board of those who don't like to be cold approached. Have you read that link I posted of the girl who was cold approached? Although there were some minor disputes within the thread regarding some specific details, almost everyone who replied said the guy was wrong to approach the girl.


How did people make friends before there were phones? There’s nothing wrong with talking to a stranger.


Before mobile phones, internet etc, people met through networking or in social environments as pointed out by the others who have already posted here.

And while I agree, there's nothing wrong (in theory) with talking to a stranger, the reality is that most people probably won't be very receptive (unless there are very specific conditions, such as those I mentioned in my previous post).

Try cold approaching someone in London, and see how far you get lol.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Old Skool Freak
Before mobile phones, internet etc, people met through networking or in social environments as pointed out by the others who have already posted here.

And while I agree, there's nothing wrong (in theory) with talking to a stranger, the reality is that most people probably won't be very receptive (unless there are very specific conditions, such as those I mentioned in my previous post).

Try cold approaching someone in London, and see how far you get lol.


So you didn’t do your research. Social Animal is when subscribers sign up for a challenge to speak to women in their area. It’s 100% real and the results are there to see.

Your theories have been debunked.

The guys in those videos aren’t all good looking, and they have got some numbers and positive responses. There’s 100 different people who have done it so definitely covers all varieties.

If you watch the videos a lot of the interactions aren’t successful in obtaining a number but they all pretty much get at less one in a video.

The guy who owns the channel isn’t selling any product.

So clearly you did no research into the Social Animal channel.

Until you do that research, I won’t be responding to you further.

In those videos, there are actually some examples in London…
Original post by Anonymous #2
So you didn’t do your research. Social Animal is when subscribers sign up for a challenge to speak to women in their area. It’s 100% real and the results are there to see.
Your theories have been debunked.
The guys in those videos aren’t all good looking, and they have got some numbers and positive responses. There’s 100 different people who have done it so definitely covers all varieties.
If you watch the videos a lot of the interactions aren’t successful in obtaining a number but they all pretty much get at less one in a video.
The guy who owns the channel isn’t selling any product.
So clearly you did no research into the Social Animal channel.
Until you do that research, I won’t be responding to you further.
In those videos, there are actually some examples in London…

... and you clearly haven't commented on the thread I've posted... real examples from users from this board.

So we're even bro. 👍️
Original post by Old Skool Freak
... and you clearly haven't commented on the thread I've posted... real examples from users from this board.

So we're even bro. 👍️

Please watch the Social Animal videos to debunk everything you’ve said.

I don’t care what students on here have had to say about this topic since there is real-life examples which I have shown you that are first-hand.

Another debate victory.
Original post by Anonymous #1
It’s been a several months now since me and my girlfriend broke up and I’m ready to start dating again. I have no idea how to meet girls since most girls I know through friends aren’t very attractive. I see really gorgeous girls on campus all the time but I’ve never in my life just walked up to a girl I didn’t know because I’m quite shy around girls and met my ex through friends.
I have been told I’m very attractive had so many girls have crushes on me when I was in high school several girls actually telling me that to my face. Even when I’m on campus a lot of days I will see at least one girl I don’t even know staring at me or checking me out. I don’t want to sleep around and shag every girl I see but I do want to date several girls so I can see which girls I connect best with and who may be potential girlfriends in the future. But I won’t know unless I date several girls even if it’s only once or twice.
I’ve been approached a few times in clubs which even some of my friends who are attractive have never once had happen to them. I’m so confident talking to girls at pubs or clubs and can easily make them laugh at what I say even if what I’m saying isn’t funny. But I read so so much about how it’s socially unacceptable to go and talk to a girl on campus and how you’re only ‘allowed’ to talk to girls at societies or socials at the pub/clubs or in a party or other social setting with friends. There are a few girls I see on campus regularly who I think are really beautiful but I feel so shy about approaching them and would also worry about being creepy even though what I read online points to the more attractive equals less creepy which puts me at an advantage. The girls I have talked to in the past have said I’m a good listener and called me sweet and my ex said I was the sweetest guy she’s ever met and she’s never had a guy show her so much genuine care.
When I approach girls in clubs in the past these girls all get really excited and flirt with me. I don’t even need to try hard after I’ve initiated conversation but I’m worried it would be weird walking up to a pretty girl on campus just say hey are you off to class or something then ask her what she studies and take the convo from there. I’m worried other people will think it weird or that I’m harassing her or she’ll find it weird even though like I said my interactions in the past with girls have went positively but I’ve never cold approached on campus before. In first year I had several occasions I’d be coming home from the library and a random girl would smile or a group of girls would walk past and giggle looking at me. These are all signs of attraction but I don’t want to come off as weird. Like I’m tall probably 9/10 looks good personal hygiene I smile a lot I’m polite ask questions about girls but I have so much anxiety about this. I’m getting quite lonely now since I’ve been single a while and really want to connect with the opposite sex. And having sex isn’t what I’m looking forward to most it’s emotional connection and romantic intimacy. How do I approach girls I find cute on campus without overthinking so much and to increase my confidence?

If I was you . I would do social activities and be a friendy and wait for a young lady to say hi. Then act normal smile and talk with her.
Original post by Anonymous
Social Animal is when subscribers sign up for a challenge to speak to women in their area. It’s 100% real and the results are there to see.

How spectacularly gross for the women involved.
Original post by Admit-One
How spectacularly gross for the women involved.

So it’s gross to speak to strangers. Ok.
Original post by Anonymous
So it’s gross to speak to strangers. Ok.

No. It’s gross to reduce those interactions to what equates to an internet dare. Or grinding your way to an Xbox achievement.

Presumably all the guys disclose what they’re doing to the women involved. Phew.

What?

Oh.

Oh no.
Speaking from experience, I would say its all how you go about it. When a guy has come up to me being respectful and asking for my socials- even if nothing big came of it- I think of it as flattering more than anything. Emphasis on if its done respectfully. Its important to be confident when approaching but if the girl doesn't seem into it, its best you just back off. I had a guy tell me I was 'acting Hollywood' because I didn't want to give him my snap ( it was pretty funny after the fact, I still reference it when speaking w my friends) but it made me feel more uncomfortable than flattered. He had been badgering me a bit, and it didn't make me interested in him, it just made me feel bad that I was apparently making him feel bad.
So I would say its not a bad thing at all to approach a girl in person, just read the situation correctly. First before you approach her, try and glean if its a good time. If she looks busy, flustered, etc just wait for another time. Be confident when you approach and if she seems not into it, just kindly back off. If you leave things on a good note, I don't think anyone would find it annoying, they may even be flattered.

I've read so much online about cold approaches and the overwhelmingly negative opinions about it are simply what put me off, even if you are very attractive like I am girls will still be against it? I've seen videos of cold approaches on college campuses in the US where people in general are much friendlier than Europe and the UK and girls respond positively, even though I'm sure they don't show all the footage of negative/uninterested responses from girls. But if it can work in a place like London even if it is only a minority of girls then there is some hope.

Funnily enough most of the negative opinions about cold approaches are not from girls but from guys. Sure I've read quite a lot about girls saying it is creepy weird, they aren't in the mindset to 'hook up on the steet' etc. But other girls on sites like reddit and the student room have said if a guy is respectful, not overly sexual or flirty and talks to her in a polite friendly manner, i.e. as a fellow being and not some sexual object of desire then these girls are open to it, some girls even saying they have had dates from cold approaches and one even a relationship. The thing is when I'm out on the street and I try and make eye contact with girls literally none will look at me back most act like I'm not there some will glance around quickly but when I see girls with their friends I often catch girls staring at me checking me out etc. In spite of most girls not showing interest on the street a few occasions on campus I've had girls alone stare at me one girl even smiled at me on campus and made prolonged eye contact and I talked to her briefly but had a girlfriend and did not want to jeopardise what I had, even though its over now. I have had a lot of girls on campus look at me smiling even if it is in the minority compared to all girls.

I mean if I approached these girls who are strangers but clearly attracted to me why would a cold approach with these girls not go well? Girls are human beings sexual attraction is the most natural thing in the world, sure there are some guys who are creeps and ***** out there but most of us are just normal nice people and I'm sure girls know that. If an attractive guy approaches a girl and is polite friendly she has a strong attraction/good vibes with him and is single why couldn't that work out? I'm just freaked out by people posting they have approached 200 girls and only had like 5 numbers that just sounds unrealistic/made up almost. I appreciate that you have a normal non cynical view of interactions between the opposite sex but I worry how much of what others say is true, even being attractive and polite to girls they will be uninterested in cold approaches?

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