Shy girl.. should I wait for her?

Hello everyone. Ok, here's the deal. I've had a crush on a girl at college for nearly a year. She's in the year below and has a year left at college and I've just finished education. I'm fairly quiet and introverted and she's pretty shy and spends a fair bit of time by herself but I made an initial approach and we had a few chats here and there over a period of about three months, also exchanging Facebook messages. She described herself as 'extremely shy'. Anyway I eventually asked her out for coffee one day, both in person and online, and she was very enthusiastic about it, saying it sounded like a really nice and good idea and that it would be 'awesome.'

Anyway, we went one afternoon and spent about 3 hours together. There were a number of awkward silences, as would be expected between two people who don't talk much anyway, but we managed to have a good conversation, talking about a large range of things including our interests and what we planned on doing in the future. We also confessed to each other again that we were are both quiet individuals and she said that she had social anxiety. We got on well, she laughed at my jokes, and she was all smiles as we said our polite goodbyes. I asked her if she'd like to go again and she said that it was fun and we'd have to go again sometime.

However, due to us both being quite busy at consecutive weekends, it has been about a month since we last saw each other. I would have asked for her number but I didn't see the point if we have difficulty talking sometimes so I messaged her again a few times (she doesn't spend a lot of time online and sometimes sees messages a bit late) and she was again reasonably enthusiastic about going again until she sent a message saying that she was really sorry but she didn't think we should meet up again because she doesn't feel very comfortable in social situations. She also said that she is "rubbish at things like this". She wished me all the best with work and exams results and she said "maybe in the future" with regards to a second date. The question is, do I wait for her? If so, how long should I wait or how long should it be before I contact her again?

Reply 1

saraw26

11

I think if you really like her you should. It may feel frustrating waiting, but it'll hopefully be worth it :biggrin:

Reply 2

House Of Dolls

OP

I just don't know how long to wait. How long before I try and ask her out again? How soon is too soon? Does she just not like me or is she not comfortable with the idea of a potential relationship?

Reply 3

username878045

17

Original post by House Of Dolls

I just don't know how long to wait. How long before I try and ask her out again? How soon is too soon? Does she just not like me or is she not comfortable with the idea of a potential relationship?

Maybe ask her out somewhere less social - a one-on-one conversation may be intimidating. Perhaps a movie and meal, or something else where conversation is not the only thing.

Reply 4

sliceofcake

15

I think you should ask for her number. She's not online much so you can't build a friendship there, she's too anxious to meet you somewhere so ask for her number so you can text and talk when you both have time. This way you'll get to know each other and maybe she'll eventually feel more comfortable with meeting up with you again when you both aren't so busy.

Reply 5

ZeroName

3

Aww. I think she wants you to try but don't push too hard just say something like "any time"...

Reply 6

saraw26

11

Original post by House Of Dolls

I just don't know how long to wait. How long before I try and ask her out again? How soon is too soon? Does she just not like me or is she not comfortable with the idea of a potential relationship?

it is a difficult thing to judge, but she may want you to ask her, but she is also too shy to make hints etc.

My boyfriend waited a while for me as I was getting out of a relationship, and it was worth it - we've now been together for getting on for a year :smile:

Best thing to do is talk to her and be honest with how you feel :smile:

Reply 7

olliehus

You've made it blindingly obvious you're interested in her, so your part is sort of done.

The question is, do I wait for her? If so, how long should I wait or how long should it be before I contact her again?

This makes it seem like you're not in contact at all, which, lets face it is not a good place to be.

The way I see it, there are 2 main reasons for this:

- She actually has social anxiety (I hate when people just throw this term around, a lot of people say it for a bit of attention, which is completely the opposite) and as such doesn't feel all that comfortable with you at the moment, and that might change, it might be a phase she's going through with you.

- She flat out isn't interested in you.

In my opinion, you should try keep in regular contact, like send her a message once in a while, make sure she still knows you're there, given a few weeks or 2 months, say to her something along the lines of "Is it the future yet? How about a coffee" you know just bring it up again. And if she says no, then I would say she is flat out not comfortable with you, and is not interested in you, in which case I would drop her like a hot potato.

If she says yes, then go for it, make sure you get her number though, she is probably more likely to pick up a text than a facebook message, and you never know, you could be looking back on this is 10 years as Mr & Mrs House of Dolls.

Best of luck mate.

Reply 8

House Of Dolls

OP

I sent her a message saying that if we didn't meet again then I hope that everything works out for her and that I was glad we went that one time, if it was indeed the only time. I also said that she deserves everything to go well for her because she is a lovely girl. She thanked me and said that she really appreciated it. That was when she said "maybe in the future", accompanied by the usual smile emoticon and kiss.
I hope that didn't sound too final, but I did also say that I hoped it wouldn't be a final goodbye and I explained that, if we were to meet up again, I wasn't there to judge her.

Reply 9

Xscape

Can we see a pic of her

Reply 10

House Of Dolls

OP

Original post by olliehus

This makes it seem like you're not in contact at all, which, lets face it is not a good place to be.

Aside from online, I won't be in contact with her, as I've finished college and now work 9-5 for 5 days a week. I'm planning on sending her a message once a week, think it would be a good idea by asking her how her exam results went next week.

Thank you for your well wishes.

Reply 11

Izzyeviel

19

Go for it, but you do need to accept there will be awkward and weird moments.

Reply 12

House Of Dolls

OP

Original post by Xscape

Can we see a pic of her

A strange request. And it's not for me to post pictures of other people all over the internet without their permission.

Reply 13

House Of Dolls

OP

Original post by sliceofcake

I think you should ask for her number. She's not online much so you can't build a friendship there, she's too anxious to meet you somewhere so ask for her number so you can text and talk when you both have time. This way you'll get to know each other and maybe she'll eventually feel more comfortable with meeting up with you again when you both aren't so busy.

I'd rather ask for her number in person.

Reply 14

Boitzkrieg

Did not read OP

Now is the point where you grab her and make sure she is yours.

She wants you to be heavy down there

You must go out with her and decide what she does

Original post by Xscape

Can we see a pic of her

Does not make a difference to what he must do

Reply 15

NathanW18

19

Well, she told you that she has social anxiety during your date. If she seemed 'shy' then maybe she does suffer with it. You've clearly suggested that you're into her. She's probably never been on dates or been in a relationship before. I guess she doesn't really know how to act on dates or in a relationship. It's making her anxious, so she is trying to avoid the situation completely.

I think you should attempt to get her number. It gives you a chance to talk to her a bit more over text. It may help her to get used to you a bit more. If she refuses that, I would probably leave it.

Reply 16

House Of Dolls

OP

Original post by olliehus

The way I see it, there are 2 main reasons for this:

- She actually has social anxiety (I hate when people just throw this term around, a lot of people say it for a bit of attention, which is completely the opposite) and as such doesn't feel all that comfortable with you at the moment, and that might change, it might be a phase she's going through with you.

- She flat out isn't interested in you.

This is the deliberation I've been having with myself. I know for a fact she's shy, and she told me that she may have difficulty making conversation long before I made any suggestion of going out on a date.

Reply 17

tweetyxo

13

Have you got any mutual friends that you could meet together?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 18

House Of Dolls

OP

Original post by NathanW18

Well, she told you that she has social anxiety during your date. If she seemed 'shy' then maybe she does suffer with it. You've clearly suggested that you're into her. She's probably never been on dates or been in a relationship before. I guess she doesn't really know how to act on dates or in a relationship. It's making her anxious, so she is trying to avoid the situation completely.

I think you should attempt to get her number. It gives you a chance to talk to her a bit more over text. It may help her to get used to you a bit more. If she refuses that, I would probably leave it.

I just think it reeks of desperation asking for her number via another form of of communication that is not face to face.

I think she does have SA, perhaps not a full crippling disorder, but at college she would usually hang around by herself or with one or two close friends at a time.

As I said before, she was really keen on going out for coffee, both online and even more so when I spoke to her about it in person.