I honestly don't understand how jealously ever becomes this big an issue.
You either trust your boyfriend, or you don't. If you do, then bleeding trust him and forget about it. If you don't, end the relationship.
It's simple logic. Stuff like telling your boyfriend what to do/who to talk to, and especially arguing with him, serves no purpose. How could it? If he's a cheater, then he's a cheater and no amount of prohibiting his freedom is going to stop him being a cheater. Even if you make it physically impossible for him to cheat, he'd still want to, and how is that any better? I'd rather a guy like that went out and did it so I knew to dump his ass, rather than wonder what he'd do and let him out my sights.
And if he's loyal, then all your criticism does is display lack of trust and drive a wedge between you. I'd be pissed as hell if my partner dictated my life based on the mantra "I do trust you, but..." and I fully expect him to feel the same if I ever did the same. Who really wants to manage their partner's life anyway? Let him go out and do his thing and if you don't trust him to do that, then you don't have a healthy relationship.
If these women have done anything to you (I'd say flirting with your boyfriend in front of you counts) then by all means, get angry, but that should be taken out on them, not him. The way they act towards your boyfriend is your boyfriend's business. If you trust him, let him handle it. The only reason you should care is to support him through it. There's absolutely nothing he's done wrong, so he doesn't merit any criticism for it. As long as he isn't cheating on you then the people in his life are his business and you should only get involved on his invitation.
I'm really sorry if this post comes across as insensitive. I don't mean it to be, and I'm very sorry for what happened to you with your ex. I understand jealously is a common and powerful emotion and I don't blame you for feeling this way at all. The reason I'm so blunt is because there's no reason jealousy should lead to arguments in a healthy relationship. If there's real trust and real love then this should be something you can work together on overcoming. I don't know whether your boyfriend is trustworthy or not. If he's not then you have a real problem. But you've said he is, and if that's the case this should be a total non-issue.